We Have Killed The Belugas (4/4): Waking Up From Your Worst Nightmare For The Rest Of Your Life

The Americans and Russians crossed the border around 8:30 Eastern European Time, each seeking to establish contact with the lawful government in Minsk. The Belaya Revolutsiya was already in control of most of the corridor between Poland and the capital, but Minsk itself remained a no-man’s-land, too embroiled in chaos to respond militarily to the entry of foreign rapid-insertion forces. Three Spetsnaz and two USMC choppers made their way immediately for the Presidential Palace.

The ad-hoc agreement on Belarus had just been struck in Brussels when it was tested: that military involvement in the explosive conflict – favored by Germany, Greece, Italy, France, and the US but opposed or not actively favored by most of the remainder – would be discretionary until any foreign power made an active effort to militarily expel NATO forces. At 7:48 European time, confirmation arrived that Russian special forces had opened fire on a US task-force sent to secure the President of Belarus.

Lithuania, Norway, and Spain declared neutrality – and were summarily expelled. As of 7:53 EUT, a NATO police action had formally begun in Belarus.

-

Kaliningrad had become a paranoiac fortress over the course of a little more than an hour. Official confirmation that war on Belarus had begun meant that the Russian exclave would be the first Russian target for NATO operations against Belarus. Worse, direct communication with Russia had been astoundingly difficult.

Surveillance and recon had yet to reveal any aggressive Polish troop movement toward the border; the sea was a more disquieting possibility, as the conquest or isolation of Kaliningrad meant that naval operations would have greatly extended range.

At 9:25 Eastern European time, reconnaisance and surveillance made their worst fears real: a large fleet moving at more than 20 knots directly towards them had cleared Thiessow. By the time closer recon had revealed submarines, extended radar showed cruise missiles heading in at a glancing trajectory.

Communication with main command could not be established permanently, and reconnaisance had positively identified the Barracuda-class Duquesne as the Triomphant-class Terrible – an error which falsely confirmed the feared presence of nuclear weapons in the NATO sea taskforce.

-

Sarah Palin quietly thanked God that France was under nuclear bombardment rather than the United States, and actually had to be talked into getting onto Marine One to the Stockwell Valley Facility under Spruce Knob. She had expected something like War Games; the facility looked like nothing so much as the top floor of an office building, albeit deep underground. There were even taps for Starbucks and Budweiser, and just above the half-filled red curve streaking from Yakutia to the Mat-Su Valley she could make out a Google copyright.

-

The President of the United States stumbled arm in arm with Mayo’s best laproscopists; it was as bright as dusk out but not much later than 1 AM. His Secret Service rushed from gurney to gurney rendering assistance as they could, leaving him more helpless than any President in the last century could have been. His head was in the clouds and his chest felt fit to explode, and it seemed the only thing he could do while fully conscious was feel enough searing agony to come close to vomiting. An olive-skinned nurse younger than Bridget passed by, iron-faced, holding a truncheon and pistol. Her scrubs had ‘TRIAGE’ on them in fresh yellow paint. He felt cold, even though it was over a hundred outside and there weren’t enough burn beds on Earth to hold the Phoenix metro’s victims.

People recognized John sitting there in his gown, and eventually they noticed he was crying. There were a thousand reasons they thought of for why. But it was only pain.

It was only pain.

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We Have Killed The Belugas (3/4): The Decideress

The first man to pick up the phone in Cvetkovich’s office at 6:32 heard a frantic, almost hyperventilating voice running fast in Russian. The callers grew more important and their messages less informative, and the news spread quickly; by 6:35 most of the high officials of Serbia and Russia were now aware that the government of Belarus had come under attack by hard-right insurgents in its largest cities. Lukashenko quickly assumed complete control over the Belarusian army and state and appealed to Russia for military assistance.

It took five more minutes for Medvedev to prepare a state of emergency, and each neighboring government had already begun vigorous debate over taking the same measure.

By 7:50 Eastern European time, Russia, Lithuania, and the Ukraine had already declared states of emergency; the government of Latvia was still debating the issue and Warsaw had decided to wait for word from NATO – in which the panic was only beginning.

At 1 AM Washington time, a runner for Secretary Petraeus knocked on the Lincoln Bedroom door, and the acting President was informed as of 1:02 AM that the situation in Belarus had come to a head, with Lukaschenko seizing complete power and mobilizing the Army to deal with protestors. The almost instant Russian diplomatic response – compared to the fairly sluggish military reaction – indicated that Lukashenko made prior preparation to violate the Tallinn Framework. Within five minutes, the Tallinn Framework – an agreement under which Lukaschenko would draw his presence in government down to an advisory role and leave pro-US democratic forces to take formal power – had been fully explained to the President.

“Sounds like we’d better call the Russkies’ bluff. What do we have ready to rumble?”

“We’ve got a detachment of the First Airborne ready in Ramstein, Madame President.”

“Keep an eye out on the current situation, and let’s see how far it goes.”

“With respect, the Russians are right on the border. If we wait for them to act, they’ll be in Minsk before we’re in Poland.”

“OK then. Is it them who’re the good guys or am I thinking of someone else?”

“They’re our allies, Madame President.”

“Get ‘em on the phone and put our birds in the air. If nothing happens, they land as close to Belarus as they can. If something does, they keep going.”

“I’ll call the Joint Chiefs. I’d assemble a full Cabinet but they’ve got the Karate Kid squared away for security reasons – we’ll get who we can otherwise.”

As of 9:00 Moscow time, the Army received visual confirmation that communications with the Indian Ocean fleet had gone dead, White infiltrators had destroyed vital apparatus not only in Belarus but in Russia, and contact had yet to be reestablished with the 2nd ObrSpN, the Spetsnaz unit which the Belarus crisis was closest to. Frantic efforts had begun to find replacements, and an ad-hoc team had already been assembled and launched from Kaliningrad. The destruction of Russian property within Russia meant that military action against the White insurgents was now urgent, and also that the Russian expedition would be conducted under the legal aegis of Russia rather than Belarus.

Contact was established by a Spetsnaz officer at 9:15 seeking permission for immediate launch towards Minsk. Permission was granted, and a minute had not passed before their first helicopter made its way out of Pskov.

We Have Killed The Belugas (2/4): Free Tibet (With Any Purchase Of Georgia Or Greater)

Cities, Politique claimed, were against the Maoist ideal of peasant self-sufficiency, which he took for the purest possible interpretation of communism. They were a legacy of the priests and the French and had to be destroyed.

-

At 7:15 local time, a crack squadron of irregular saboteurs closely associated with the Belarus Conservative Christian Party radical group White Revolution rode American-manufactured rail sleds over a disused spur of Soviet industrial track into the Smolensk Oblast, planting a series of synchronized time bombs on military and infrastructure targets and several targets of opportunity and severing, searing with strong acid, and otherwise disabling a wide range of telecom apparatus; they crossed into Belarus again at 6:45 local time, in the process giving an all-clear signal to be relayed to a team around 150 kilometers west in Vileyka; their operations, too, were conducted without incident; the garrison and vital personnel of the long-haul communications base located there – who realized only too late that they were now mute, and lacked the time to reroute signals usefully – were slaughtered to a man, and five minutes before planned Zero Hour (in actuality, fifteen), they had finished rigging charges to implode the facility.

-

Phnom Penh had several world-class hospitals, and they were emptied at a moment’s notice. Burn wards, intensive care, even surgical theaters. At gunpoint – at once.

-

Calls had just then begun to flood the cellular towers in and around Belarus. In town after town, men and women answered their phones curtly and went to retrieve their jogging outfits from their dressers. Cars, loaded heavy with small arms, rolled out of parking garages and remote facilities. On the other side of the world, a woman woke up Vice-President of the United States and ate breakfast President.

-

They’ve yet to fully count the dead.

-

The police noticed the occasional circling car, but they did not notice anything else suspicious. They did not have the aerial surveillance necessary to show the large population of joggers making brisk time away from downtown, in the case of Minsk at even greater and more regular speed.

Rudimentary safe areas were established; the ten minutes of delay increased the risk of early exposure but made it easier for every growing cell to find houses, shacks, garages, and makeshift bases.

A bald man told another over the phone in English that the Eagle slumbered and the other man just laughed. His clock said 7:15; it was a minute fast. Sarah Palin, two rooms over, was wondering whether to write a letter to her children or simply spend the evening with Todd; the night had been chosen for this procedure specifically because it was unlikely anything would happen, and nobody outside of the White House knew it was happening – as was normal procedure.

A man in a rented Toyota watched the streets of Minsk roll by. The Serbs, officially, had suggested that the retirement of Lukaschenko would provide a good opportunity to warm up relations with Europe. That was why he was here, or the official reason. The unofficial reason was that he suffered a spreading stomach cancer and the delusion that Lukaschenko was a Jew. His twelve-year-old boy saluted him as he pulled out of the Barysaw alley at 5:45 local time, not a moment late.

It was 7:20 Eastern European Time and the Toyota had caught fire. People stared and ran in each direction. Sasha only realized in his last conscious moment that the police officer at the front of the onrushing throng had his gun holstered, his gloved hand empty.

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We Have Killed The Belugas (1/4): Prom Queen Pro Tem

Ed: This should have gone up before the election, but I didn’t notice it was pending review. In any event, it’s still an awesome and amusing short story written by Alec about what things might have been like for us in the near future had the election gone the other way.

“Mister President, count back from a hundred for me,” said the fat woman. “One hundred,” said the fat man, “ninety-nine, ninety-eight, ninety.”

John McCain had a number of severe health problems, all aggravated by his experience as a prisoner of war for the bulk of the conflict in Vietnam. Downed after his twenty-third bombardment mission against North Vietnam, he could do little but cheer as Nixon, elected on the promise to end the war honorably, stepped up the bombardment of Vietnam, extending it quietly to Cambodia.

Some wiseass knew they could count on her when the old man went under, and it hadn’t been fifteen minutes before Belya Revolutsiya had sent out texts to all of its members. The leak, who would remain anonymous to history, honestly thought something good would come of this; that freedom would be spread and the Bear’s iron heel caught in a steel trap.

John McCain’s chest had been punctured and trocarred and inflated. He would be unconscious for two and a half hours; the medication was supposed to last eight. It was 10:15 PM in Scottsdale and the weather had been getting balmier by the year, so it was just barely too warm to frost your breath.

-

In April 1975, as John McCain was finally recovering from his failed military career and his dreary civilian life and wife, a short man with surreal ideas who called himself Politique Potentielle marched under the blessing of the People’s Republic of China – sworn enemy of the USSR and its client North Vietnam, and sometime bedfellow of the United States – into Phnom Penh, a city of two and a half million souls with a history longer than that of much of Europe. He then ordered every man, woman, and child to leave.

-

It was fifteen minutes past midnight in Washington and Sarah Palin was wide awake, later than she liked to be but today she had to sit in the hot seat. Of course, her official duties were ostensibly very important, but Dave and Condi were probably going to be calling any shots that needed to be called.

The President, who was in the process of making a booty-call to the Marriott in which Todd Palin was sleeping, only half-noticed the phone ringing in the other room. It rang three times before being picked up.

It was 7:20 AM in Minsk, too early in the year for that to mean daylight, and a car had just exploded in front of the Serbian embassy, killing two dozen people and injuring scores more. The land-lines were buzzing in every direction; the mobile phones were even more wildly active. At 8:40 local time, orders from Moscow had every cellular tower and satellite under its control shut down as an emergency measure.

The Prime Minister’s intern was finishing the Serbian government’s mourning expression of sorrow and vow to spare no effort with the Belarussian government to bring the perpetrators to justice when, at around 6:32 AM local time, a commotion broke out in the phone room.

Heartbeat

(Cross-posted from It Is *Dancing*)

A heartbeat away from the Presidency if McCain should win is a woman who is mostly a shameless thief; her instincts are a bandit’s and her loyalties are a mobster’s.

She deliberately destroyed the world’s largest sockeye fishery for no better purpose than the profit margins of some Goddamn mining consortium; she likes to pretend that she’s a loyal Christian but she’s got that same evangelical fixation on her own petty, ridiculous issues – treating a pipeline like an object of saintly veneration, conscripting children (who Jesus of course admires more than anything, so long as they’re white) to pray with her (TV cameras rolling – Heaven forbid we not be noticed in our piety, good Philistines we are) for a fucking pipeline.

I like to say pat things about the terrible mick fuckers who squint on their million-dollar TV programs to convince the audience they’re extra special pious, but they at least have a concept of piety divorced even conceptually from their own bottom line. Palin literally believes God is smiling on her petty graft.

In the course of doing so, of course, she scammed money from the government. The gesture means more than the amount – $600 would seem pathetic to someone like her – after all, she doesn’t share the daily difficulties of the working class, and for her $600 is not a month’s rent but pocket change to be spent on a flight and a lunch; she’s stolen much larger amounts, but they all follow the same basic logic.

She has a basically fascist concept of society – it doesn’t seem at all out of place for her to requisition money to pray for a pipeline in public, nor to spend $400,000 campaigning against common sense or campaign actively against her own government on the basis of its incoherence with her private worldview. She’s been doing it since she was a small-time operative; before she became a fearless Duce for Alaska, she played the same role in Wasilla, waging a D’Annunzian war against a local librarian whose insufficient zeal for censoring moral turpitude revealed too little support for the mayor – in her own words.

Her speeches since she became nationally prominent have all been great fulminations against civil society – grand proclamations of the uselessness of community organizing, the inefficacy of private society and the transcendent beauty of the state. Small wonder she has an Objectivist fan-club devoted to scouring every black mark on her character from the public record – no human being has been as shameless about their political bankruptcy since Rand sang and danced for fascist Italy. She has no concept of power unless it be divorced from the power of life and death; no concept of good unless it be enslaved to the crusade against evil; and nothing but contempt for any people decadent enough to refuse any power to their rightful Leaders.

This is not just another rant about the inexplicable rise of the Basileus of Wasilla, however hilariously it lays bare a truth about the American right too terrible to explain directly. Her fascism – and here the word is so literal I actually feel ashamed for using it on people who simply exhibited surreal enthusiasm for power rather than openly worshiping it – is not so much a governing principle as a malignant worldview, a festering, evil rotting of the soul. Like any other aspiring autocrat, she has no power over the demoniac pull of her ink-black spiritual abyss – she simply feels its compelling claw, understands beyond understanding that eternal urge to triumph through faith.

No: the one thing Palin can understand, the one emotion she can be counted on to exhibit, is contempt for things outside of her domain. Like the nearly erotic terror the idea of art and culture divorced from tradition aroused in the Nazis and their sympathizers, anything that she cannot clump into her own stilted, corrupt experience – the Pinochetian cosmos of greed, grasping Nietzchian wills and impossibly complicit victims – is an impossible beast, something to be set alight and trampled underfoot. Anything that is not part of the rat-race must become fuel for that which is.

This is the common theme we see in what she does where there is no clearly understandable profit motive. We can exercise the benefit of the doubt and suppose that her militant contempt for ANWR might just be the hand of big oil up her ass, and we could similarly paint her willingness to rip her own state’s future as a tourist haven to shreds as the impossible desperation of a miner’s whore in an incipient ghost-town.

But we cannot by these means explain the wolves.

Like that filthy monster Reagan – dead before the public ever knew his name and shambling about even now these four years after his moldering body at last followed his conscience and memory in giving up the ghost – she hates the world in a way functioning human beings find impossible to understand. Reagan insisted that the redwoods and other precious parts of our nation’s most populous, diverse, and essentially American state were interchangeable logging stock; even that had some surreal, warped basis in economic impulse. But Palin goes beyond this.

She offers men who think of themselves as hunters, responsible men of the world, a hundred and fifty dollars each to destroy wolves. She has been warned by people who understand ecology, even those – like the Republicans for Environmental Protection mentioned by Dolan – who share her culture’s insistence that the place of nature is under the dominion of man. Unlike any other hunters in the first world, the methods she favors – methods that shameless thief’s thief spent $400,000 of the state’s money to encourage at the polls – are mechanically efficient. We are not dealing with boar-stickers or deer-slayers; these women and men are intimate with the idea of death and share a kind of spiritual concern for the animals they destroy. They are often not the most ecologically-minded of people, but they are united by a vague idea of sport.

Palin, aiming to correct their ludicrous inefficiency, suggested they machine-gun the wolves from a thousand feet. To her, not only is the idea of the wolf repellant but so is the idea of the wolf meeting a human end. She can understand humans preying on big game – even if she does not understand, as ecologists now do and as sport hunters always have, that their fellow predators play a vital role in weeding out the weak and sick and keeping the big game strong – but the idea of something hunting out of hunger is alien to her, and so is the idea of competition with mercy. Wolves must be destroyed; the strong must destroy the weak even when forbearance serves them just as well.

Here, thus, we can record the only principle Palin has ever exhibited in any of her forty-four years: that God put us on Earth to strafe the wolves. I am no Christian, but I’m not sure what Christ would say about this.

Befehl ist Befehl

Everyone acknowledges Nazi Germany as the most evil regime in human history. (A few do not, but including them in ‘everyone’ is an insult to actual members of our species.) The Nuremberg Tribunals were, in light of that, a particularly grave undertaking, and America’s central role in their arrangement and execution is probably the high-water mark of American foreign relations. It was a brilliant and complete compromise; an international trial under color of universal standards of criminality, it avoided both of the victor’s-justice proposals of the US’s principal allies – that is, trials under presumption of guilt for Stalin and summary execution as unlawful combatants (sorry, outlaws) for Churchill – and produced something, if not indisputably just, then at least sufficient to see some justice done in a situation where injustice had been the norm for the whole of human history.

In general, there are four distinct modes of defense at Nuremberg. One is uninteresting, as it’s part of any trial – disputations of fact (although that was largely from the later trials, as the initial, international trials handled indictments pretty much exclusively on the basis of overt actions by field plenipotentiaries.); then we get into the three that are more interesting.

Jurisdiction. The accused at Nuremberg, while often unable to deny the factual basis of the prosecution’s case, denied that the international court had any standing to try crimes committed in Germany. While the other proposals for trials did address this to some extent – the Soviet show trials would likely have used at least some German partisan personnel, maybe even to the extent of Nazi-exiled judges and lawyers [NB: by the time the War came, the little resistance by the fairly conservative judiciary that had ever existed to Hitler had been removed quite easily.]; the proposal the French favored involved localized trials for atrocities. But the Nuremberg trials rested on a crucial pillar: The law of any country is obligated to the core human principles of justice. It doesn’t matter if Nazi Germany, in the end, had effectively decriminalized murder of Jews; this was in direct defiance of the principles of civilization. To whatever extent any universally desirable values can be said to exist, they are or at least spring from the equality of all human beings in the eyes of power. Anyone who deliberately sets out to slay a human being in cold blood is a murderer, whether or not the state or a perversion of human understanding have justified her action.

While the US-orchestrated trial of Saddam Hussein owed its legitimacy to this basic principle, we continue to flout the jurisdiction of the ICJ, and to hear people celebrate it is shameful.

Equal depravity. This is the argument, sometimes simplistic and sometimes complex and at least partially justified, that the depraved behavior of the defendants was acquitted by similar behavior by their opponents in wartime. Equal depravity should never form a coherent defense; the only reason it was allowed to lead to a shifting of prosecutorial priorities (for instance, the decision to charge Donitz under the London Naval Treaty instead of the convention against unrestricted submarine warfare) was the shameful position of finding themselves in a league with fascists, not any retroactive justification of their evil acts.

This one is one to think about when the dead-enders start comparing Daddy’s behavior to that of various scum (al Qaeda, the Islamist factions among the Iraqi insurgents, Saddam Hussein, Ahmadinejad). It is to no one’s credit to just barely squeak by one of history’s monsters, and doing so generally lead the people making the case in Nuremberg to retire that prong of the case in shame.

And finally, the granddaddy of all defunct defense formulas:

Responsibility to orders. This defense, rejected in all cases at Nuremberg, states in essence that disobeying orders from higher-ups is unacceptable. The rejection itself was two-tiered; the Nuremberg Standard states that soldiers have a clear obligation to disobey illegal orders, and the Command Responsibility Principle (or the Yamashita Standard, or – more unfortunately – the Medina Standard, after the principle which the trials for My Lai refused to acknowledge for ranking officer Medina) states that officers must bear responsibility for crimes of commission or omission under their watch. Responsibility to orders is a lawless defense. It goes beyond ‘illegal’; it presumes that there is some fundamental quality about obeisance that causes it to trump the continuously reinforced compact we make with society and the law.

Responsibility to orders, in its presentation at Nuremberg, took on two forms in the popular reporting. The first was the original German – that is, Befehl ist Befehl. Ordered is ordered; it portrays the kind of efficient, stiff-upper-lipped, and somewhat fatalist demeanor the fascist lackey imagines for himself. ‘Befehl ist Befehl’ is aggressive in its directness and direct in its aggressiveness; it brooks no disagreement, takes the form of a tautology and statement of fact, and presupposes the inherent rationality of following orders.

The English form, of course, displays the somewhat different attitude a democratic society takes towards such behavior. The established translation of the Nuremberg defense became, in short order, I was just following orders – reducing the tough-guy posturing of men who were willing to do anything to fulfill their standing orders (piss on the law, slaughter innocent people, crush a child’s testicles, you name it) to a pathetic sniveling. Where the fascist declaration emphasized the imperative of obedience, the language of democracy pointed and laughed at special pleading by willing pawns. The greatest justice of the Nuremberg Trials might just have lay in that particular transition – holding fascists out by the throat for all to see that the proud chest-puffing soldiers’ soldiers were basically spineless toadies. War crimes do not merit the dignity of ‘orders are orders’; agreeing to engage in them is either demonic or cowardly, and either one beyond the point of redemption.

The last time I had cause to think of the difference, it was in slight alarm that the respect for the dignity of these ‘career soldiers’ would creep back into historiography and society, that the modern conservative would begin, as his Neanderthal predecessors in Truman’s day did, to sympathize with the plight of the dickless wonders pretending to be so abject to the power of a short, fat man with a shitty moustache that they had no choice but to incinerate a million children. American society has stepped away from the abyss in many fundamental respects – and one of them is the increasing awareness of the hollowness of orders. The transparent fraudulence of the orders defense has been on public display as the telecom industry parades out the same gallery of lame excuses – and, without even the military conventions of obedience to acquit themselves with, have been shamed pretty heavily in the eyes of the public.

We’re not out of the woods yet, and won’t be until the instinctive consensus develops that, outside of an active disaster situation in which expert authority is the only hope anyone has, civilians are subject to the orders of no one. This proudest tradition of the American people has been regarded with instinctive suspicion since Nixon, and it’s harrowing indeed that private citizens (who would certainly take a far different tack if it came to orders about pollution or ignoring regulations) honestly felt they could acquit themselves in the court of public opinion by pretending that they were obliged by the orders of the President to satisfy some political voyeur’s illegal desire to keep tabs on American citizens. Authoritarian societies first and foremost rely on the breakdown of legal and technical restrictions on authority – and on the militarization of society. A society which on any level can accept Befehl ist Befehl und Gesetz ist Gesetz as a valid line of inquiry is in severe danger. We can only hope we’ll get out of that mindset before something else has everyone out there singing some parochial anthem of American authoritarianism.

Meditations on Environmentalism

Radical versus radical – the failure of American descriptive political language
I’ve recently noted that my main beef of contention with environmentalism is against radical environmentalism. This is not to say that my issue is with extremism; the issue is with radicalism in the dictionary sense of the word – going back to ‘radix’, or root – which is to say, a political praxis whose ultimate goal is the preservation or furtherance of the environment itself.

There are a few radixes I can get behind, and others I can at least sympathize with. So in the common sense of ‘radical’, I would perhaps disagree with the tactics and choice of priorities of an activist whose concern for economic, racial, and gender equality, or rad-liberalism, or for economic sustainability, lead them to firebomb a factory farm owner’s home – but I wouldn’t have anything to quarrel with them as far as their goals went. A radical environmentalist, no matter how moderate in terms of actions, would never have anything but superficial agreement with my own programme.

Ecology makes for poor politics; the recent upsurge in the normally muted political fortunes and visibility of the greens (especially among fairly ‘moderate’ politicians and voters) makes it essential to take a particularly careful eye towards picking out those whose concern for the environment relies on politics – or aesthetics.

Belief in the obvious – framing and global warming denial
There’s a remarkable and irritating tendency by even people who deride denialists to concede the high ground to them by allowing them to make the issue about global warming one of ‘belief’ or ‘skepticism’. After all, no sane person would accept the idea of ‘believing in’ the Holocaust – the event is at the same time unbelievable but painfully clear in its historicity. Similarly, global warming is terrifying and all too real. The true believers are those who ignore a pants-pissing level of national and local, long-term and everyday evidence for climate change.

Levels of unanimity and plausibility

These are the approximate equivalents between different facets of climate change; they’re rough analogies but, I feel, good ones.

1. Global warming: Natural selection. The evidence pointing to global warming per se is absolutely irrefutable – the Earth is presently in a warming period.
2. Portentious global warming: Evolution. While it is sometimes argued that global warming isn’t necessarily too bad, the current warming period has resulted in a level and speed of climactic disruption which enjoys no parallel in history outside of massive eruptions and comet impacts.
3. Non-anthropic global warming: Punctuated equilibrium. Recent evidence has fairly powerfully established at least a correlative link between carbon levels and climate change; the idea that humanity plays no substantial role in global warming is very poorly received among climatologists, and its few adherents are usually experts in incidental fields. It’s worth noting that, per the relationship between p.u. and evolution, no non-anthropicists with axes to grind against the larger idea of global warming are taken seriously, or would have any reason to be, by mainstream scientists. Respectable people suspect that humans are not responsible for climate change; but their numbers are shrinking and they’ve got little support outside of the carbon spewers.
4. Reversibility: Single-origin hypothesis of man. A fair majority is on the side of humanity’s ability to undo or at least halt climate change, but there is still substantial evidence it’s out of our hands. On the other hand – if it is, we’re fucked either way, right?

Al Gore

People who suddenly started giving a shit about carbon footprints when it came to making fun of Al Gore are huge assholes and should be killed.

First World Versus Third World

It’s become dismayingly politically correct to pretend that the first world’s contribution to global warming and pollution is secondary to the pollution and population problems of the Third World. While the pollution level is generally higher there, we produce much more pollution and consume a great deal more resources simply by virtue of being richer. The green movement’s best interests are clearly ignored by the mean-spirited dicks who seriously believe that they can constructively blame the world’s victims for the world’s problems. Leave that shit in Texas, please.

If I Were God, And Just

The punishment for believing, even for a fleeting moment, that the American invasion of Iraq is comparable to the American contribution to World War 2 would be foundering forever in the surf of Omaha Beach, just scant yards from the sand, breathing in grity iron-bitter water and dancing and bleeding for the Nazi machine guns for all eternity, endlessly denied the safety of the shore or the release of death.

(Whichever pissant it was who came up with the Saddam Crossout cover for Time, I’m looking at you here.)

DALAI LAMA / UBER ALLES / DALAI LAMA UBER ALLES

There are a couple of things I’ve always been unable to be a good liberal about; to be fair, I’ve always been pretty firmly convinced they’re only associated with liberalism in the US because of their association with the counterculture; the anti-nuclear movement, for instance, has always seemed a little bit panicky and irrational when it comes to viable (if not quite optimal) alternatives to filthy, destructive use of coal and oil. But far more unsettling to me has always been the American liberal enthusiasm for the Dalai Lama.

Tenzin Gyatso is an interesting figure, as any theocrat tends to be; this is, in large part, because his political movement has made a deliberate effort to present itself in different ways to different people. To the Tibetan people, he’s always had a very firm public image: he promises a return to tradition, moral order, and the end of Chinese and Hui Muslim presence in Tibet. When one presents Mr. Gyatso to the typical left-winger this way, they’re much more leery about supporting him. After all, I doubt anyone you’d want to get trapped in an elevator with would willingly sign up to demonstrate for the Pope’s right to establish an isolationist theocracy in Sicily, expel the Tunisian and north Italian minority, and close off the Straits of Messina to interlopers.

But history was kind to Tenzin Gyatso, as it generally tends to be to the sort of person who powerful monks become convinced is a reincarnation of their god-king. His rule coincided neatly with two extremely useful phenomena: first, the rise of Maoism in China, and second, the rise of the New Age movement in the West. The former made Gyatso from a theocratic pretender in the middle of nowhere to an ideological martyr for those convinced the Communist Chinese were mentioned by John in the Apocalypse; the latter made him from an uninteresting old doctrinaire with little to offer the world any random prince-in-exile could not (besides an interesting accent) to a completely mystical guide to a people who were, all of a sudden, not really religious – but Spiritual.

This is the problem with Gyatso. A lot of people are willing to abandon the faith of their family, and I’m all for that. The problem is that quite a few then decide the natural thing to do is to pick up some other, more foreign religion. It is the natural tendency of youth to rebel, and Gyatso just happened to be the divine leader of a religion in which the world’s wealthiest people all of a sudden had a depressingly condescending passing interest. So, since the 1960s, he has been a cause celebre for a mixture of liberal counterculture dilettantes and hawkish loons convinced any effort to blacken Joe Chinaman’s eye is a step towards freedom for all mankind.

And we have inherited from our parents’ generation a liberal movement with such a deep investment in the counterculture that it cannot tell when it is being taken for a ride. Tibet is a perfect example of this, and it’s worth pointing out, once I’ve described what exactly has been going on there recently, what other allies besides ourselves and Tibet’s answer to the Moral Majority Mr. Gyatso has attracted. In short, in March there were a series of demonstrations. (There is a holiday, amusingly enough, called Tibetan Uprising Day. The story of it coming to be called that is, admittedly, far less amusing – but then, few things involving Mao heartlessly shedding more or less innocent blood are.) This we have all heard about. And they got violent.

The problem is, they got a kind of violent that we’re all too familiar with: while there were substantial injuries to Chinese police, that’s to be expected in a protest situation. But the thing that particularly gives me pause is who else got injured or killed in the uprisings in Lhasa.

The thugs, who seem to be connected politically to the Dalai Lama but for all intents and purposes were simply acting in their own capacity as violently angry backwater assholes, got out any weapons they could find and started smashing in stores, beating up anyone who looked too Chinese, and – so far, most infamously – setting fire to people and buildings. They weren’t attacking the Chinese government, or instruments of Chinese oppression; they were assaulting individual Chinese civilians – including women, children, and the elderly – because they felt their presence in the region was an affront.

I would have no problem calling this behavior fascist if it were to involve white Arizonans, under color of Christian fervor, kicking the Hell out of random Latinos. I’m not sure if belonging to an ethnicity we’re supposed to condescendingly pity changes this.

As the spiteful uproar continued, the citizenry of Lhasa – who love their spiritual leader and would generally not pass up an opportunity to give the Chinese occupation one in the stones for him – kept home in a mixture of disgust and fear. The rioters proceeded to go on a tear against the Hui, members of a Muslim population who have shared the area of land identified as Tibet with the Tibetans since before either Buddhism or Islam existed. The capstone of this shameful orgy of xenophobic violence came with an attempt to burn down a long-standing mosque.

The Chinese decision to increase police presence – really the only thing that could be done – was, of course, met with considerable protest. The degree and kind of protest varied from place to place; Kevin Rudd, representing Australia’s governing Labour party, urged the Chinese to exercise restraint. (They’re not famous for doing so; it’s a reasonable request.)

Of course, many people went beyond that; they demonstrated for the oppressed Tibetans, angry at the oppressive Chinese strangling their quaint little culture and enraged that Beijing would begrudge them just a little innocent ethnic cleansing. So far, the majority of European conservative and folkist parties have come out to support the Tibetan rioters’ right to oppress a smaller, more Muslim minority. Angela Merkel swallowed her pride to support these oppressed Asians (a personal first on both counts) in their quest to free themselves from the tyranny of the Muslim family living down the street (not so much). With friends like these… you invade Iraq.

Tenzin Gyatso’s spent his entire career performing this delicate balancing act, and has been struggling bravely and vaguely since 1959 for Tibet’s right to choose its own destiny, or live under the watchful eye of the one true Church, or slaughter all of the Han and Hui mud people – depending on who’s going to bat for him at the moment.

We’ve been taken in too often by hucksters offering some kind of moral high ground, and we’ve always been suckers for a good oppression story. But we need to be more careful next time; if this is the kind of nonsense we’re going to tolerate trying to free Tibet from Beijing, God only knows what we’re going to have to overlook to free it from Lhasa.