22 Responses From An Evolutionist To Creationists

All images ripped off from Matt Stopera of BuzzFeed in case they ever change the links and also so I’m not leeching their bandwidth. (Also, I’m not sure I’d have gone with “believe in evolution” for the headline, but… whatever.)

1.

For starters, I’d like to see what your definition of “positive” is if you’re even asking this question. But yes, gaining an understanding of the universe based on observational data and experiments is probably going to work out well for kids.

2.

Not really, it’s largely irrelevant. And any god worth believing in wouldn’t be insecure and petulant and shitty about whether or not I believed in him.

3.

That would qualify as “illogical”, yes. But also it renders all argument meaningless: the universe could have been created forty seconds ago and everything was just brought into existence the way it is.

So, I mean, sure, if we’re throwing out all the rules, it could have happened that way. But it’s equally likely it was created just now. Or just now. Or just now. And all evidence otherwise, and all our memories, are just fabrications.

4.

Wow, do you always look this smug? Also, it’s okay to use contractions.

And to answer your question, no, it doesn’t. Earth isn’t a closed system. Also, you have to factor in quantum physics and conscious observation, which are all still somewhat of a mystery (though that doesn’t mean “God Did It”), and which seems to do strange things to matter. (Check out “quantum tunneling” for instance — it’s why our sun can burn as hot as it does, when it otherwise (if tunneling weren’t a thing) shouldn’t.)

5.

I think you mean “there’re”.

6.

They don’t. Where are you getting this?

7.

If you’re going to argue that evolution is evidence of divine intellect, I suggest you look at the nerve that runs all the way down a giraffe’s neck to get back up to its tongue. Or the forward tilt of human pelvises. Or any of the other mishmash grab bag bullshit that constitutes most living organisms, seemingly at random.

8.

You have to make your own meaning, and life is no less special and amazing if you factor out god. In fact, it’s even more special and amazing. Enjoy your life. Be a good person. Don’t always look to some bullshit authority figure to dictate the boundaries of your capabilities and sensibilities.

9.

Yup, pretty much. And the odds aren’t that crazy when you consider how probability works in our universe, and just how incredibly long it’s all been going on.

10.

Uh, okay. Why don’t you go BANG a horse.

11.

It’s “they’re’re”, dammit.

And also, they don’t, largely. Nobody respectable is saying “aliens made humans”, at least not as anything more than science fiction.

12.

Define “official proof”. Also, organic matter deteriorates, not sure if you’ve noticed. I’m imagining you and some of these other idiots opening up an exhumed coffin and being shocked that the body isn’t perfectly preserved. But: there are actually quite a number of australopithecus afarensis fossils that have been found.

13.

What? I’m not sure what you’re trying to say here. Please stop trying to be clever, because it’s not working. I mean, it’s clearly part of evolution? I’m… I’m really confused about what you’re trying to say, here.

14.

You don’t understand what “theory” means. And Creationism isn’t a theory, it’s a proposition with no real evidence other than a storybook. And the Bible isn’t a theory, it’s a logically internally wildly inconsistent storybook that, if truly penned by god using human hands, is indicative that god is really shitty at narrative and continuity. And evolution isn’t taught as “fact”, it’s taught as “this is what the evidence seems to be indicating.” Science is an ongoing and ever-evolving process that’s constantly observing the data we have and throwing out explanations that aren’t supported by the evidence. That’s how science works.

Faith on the other hand just does whatever the fuck it wants to. It never questions itself or changes at all in light of new developments or information. And isn’t it a bit odd how god didn’t even think to mention any goddamn thing about anything beyond the social and cultural ideals and collective knowledge pool of the time the Bible was written? To me, it’s just really fucking weird that a supposedly omnipotent being would have the same basic understanding of the universe and the same basic wants and desires and personality traits as humans ~2000 years ago.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson pointed out that Revelation says that the stars will fall from the sky. It’s indicative of a fundamental lack of understanding of what stars even are. So the idea that God would say “yeah, the stars will fall out of the sky — these massive balls of flaming gas millions of miles away that dwarf Earth by magnitudes are just gonna crash and land on the ground” is ludicrous. But yeah, let’s trust that for all our science facts.

15.

Science isn’t a theory. What are you talking about? “Examining observable data and running experiments that are objective as possible” isn’t a “theory”, and… I don’t… what the hell are you even trying to say?

16.

You look constipated. You might want to shit out some of the turds that keep rising up into your brain and coming out in the form of words and writing.

17.

I don’t necessarily think there IS a reason. I also don’t think there has to be some sort of divine dictate for the purpose of my life in order for it to have at least a meaning that’s significant to me and the people around me.

18.

We… have? Also, just FYI, there are likely millions of organisms on this planet that have died out without us ever having known they existed, and without a time machine, we never will. Also, again, organic material decomposes and deteriorates and erodes.

19.

Yes. You look out at the universe and examine all the data (like redshifting and also looking at star systems at different stages of development to our own) and you can piece together a pretty good picture of what the hell’s going on.

20.

It’s even MORE amazing if you factor out the notion that it was made by some divine source. But while we’re on this, it’s also really shitty. People are miserable and have been throughout history. We’re often cruel to each other for no real reason, and justify it with whatever bullshit explanations make us feel good at night. Organic organisms like humans are fragile and constantly rotting. And for some fucked-up reason, our food intake and our air intake are the same damn tube. So, if you’re going to posit that all of this was crafted by the most perfect mind, I mean… you’re really not giving god a lot of credit, because this shit’s pretty stupid all around.

21.

It wasn’t an exploding star, it was a singularity. The very fact that you’re even asking this question in this way indicates you have not even a remote clue what you’re talking about.

22.

If god created Adam and Eve, why are there still guys named Steve!?!?!?!?

But also, we didn’t, it was apes, and there’s a common ancestry, and just because one line of organisms evolves or adapts that doesn’t mean they ALL do. This is basically like saying “how can there be dogs if wolves still exist?”


Okay, ugh, after all that, here’s something to take the pain away.

5 thoughts on “22 Responses From An Evolutionist To Creationists”

  1. Aww, I’m sad that nobody trotted out the classic, “How do you know the Big Bang happened? WERE YOU THERE?!” Because the answer is obviously, “yes. Yes, I was.”

    I like how creationists scoff at evidence (“who you gonna believe — God or your lying eyes?”) unless they think the evidence supports their stance.

  2. Number 5, easy. Earth turns around causing the sun to look like its rising and setting. (Non fans of My Little Pony I’m sorry for this) We don’t live in a land like Equestria where a human being has the power to raise and lower the sun each day. Would be awesome if it was like that but, sadly, this isn’t the case.

    Also “their”. UGH! Nitpicking here but being a former English major that is annoying.

    Number 7, what the heck is Noetics? Is that like Dianetics? Are they poems about Noah and the flood?

  3. Mark (62),I’m afraid you’re toltlay misunderstanding what I’m asking. The fault may be mine, in the way I’ve worded my questions.I’m not interested in debating whether Evangelicals are pro or anti-AGW. Nor am I trying to suggest that there is anything wrong with Evangelicals being in agreement with climate skeptics. What I care about is that some of them are using science as a cover–again–to try and advance their agenda. There’s nothing scientific about the theory of intelligent design, but its proponents have argued that it should have a place alongside evolution in science classes.Those efforts have stalled. However, if the Times story is accurate, the movement to reintroduce creationism as a legitimate scientific theory (via intelligent design) may be re-energized by riding the current anti-AGW wave. And that’s precisely because they argue that what they’re seeking is no different than what skeptics seek: a fair, science-based hearing.I believe this is deceptive on their part, because there is no scientific merit to intelligent design. It should not be taught in science classes alongside evolution, just as you wouldn’t teach the belief of some Native American tribes, who insist they emerged from the Grand Canyon. So I guess what I’ve been searching for here is some common ground, some sense from climate skeptics that their deep respect for science transcends the issue of AGW. That would also tell me that the vehemence of your stance is not ideological, political, or religious. It’s based on a pure, healthy respect for science. So if I had beers with some of you, I might hear about how you’re just as incredulous that there are many, many people–very well educated–who are convinced that childhood vaccines cause autism–even though there is no scientific proof of that. You might tell me how surprised you are that many Americans believe that 9/11 was a U.S. government plot, or that many Americans continue to insist that President Obama is not a legitimate U.S. citizen. And so on.But I’m not asking in this thread for skeptics to consider the relative merits of any of the claims of these subcultures. (I only suggest they might come up for informal discussion over beers.) I ask what you make of the creationists because of their seeming intent to associate their struggle to be heard with yours.Is this any clearer?

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