(Forgot about this — was going to post a while back. A long while back.)
Alternative Twelve Steps
1. Admit you have a problem.
2. Tape a mother bear to another mother bear and their respective cubs to the other side of each.
3. Handcuff yourself to a radiator, then regurgitate a key you never swallowed.
5. Completely cover two elephants in Vaseline, climb on top of one, get a friend to climb onto the other, and race.
6. Dandruff. 🙁
7. Shotgun wedding to your preteen first cousin.
8. Legionnaire’s Disease.
9. There is no ninth step.
10. Kneel before Zod.
11. Kevin Smith writes a convincing lesbian.