Chick Dissection | First Bite

Funny, campy, over-the-top. This Halloween tract by Jack Chick starts with a vampire story, but ends with a straight gospel message.

Storot:Yeah, “campy”…concentration campy.

nepphi: I don’t know, I think less ‘intense, soulless horror’ and more ‘awkward teenage years’ when I read this one, so maybe…bible campy?

Storot: I was just looking for a pun on the sheer awfulness of the tract. Or Jack’s Jewy arch-villains.

J: You know, isn’t Jack kind of disobeying his own moral guidelines, here, by telling a vampire story? If other forms of fantasy are all evil and will lead people to demonic possession, does it really matter if they tack a gospel message onto the end of it? By this logic, if D&D guidebooks included some random passage from Mark at the end of it, would Jack retract Dark Dungeons?

Storot: When reading the following tract, enhance your experience with an audio track. We at Consolidated Incorporated (our slogan “If you need it, talk to someone else. We can’t help you”) recommend “Fingernails on a Chalkboard”, “Cats In Heat”, or “Rosanne Barr’s Rendition of ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’”. Anything to distract you from the pain before you.


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On the Demonization of Redistribution of Wealth

It’s strange to me how so many Americans get so easily lured into this trap, along the campaign trail, of caring so much about how much money about three percent of the population makes that they lose sight of the importance of the quality of their own lives.

First, let’s address the subject in question, and then we’ll get to the obsession with “redistribution of wealth” as some kind of ideological profanity.

There’s something very wrong with the fact that Person A is paid maybe $12,000 a year to successfully flip hamburgers while Person B is paid $58,500,000 a year (at least for the first year) to unsuccessfully run AIG, to the point of nearly destroying the American economy. I’m sure we can all agree about the problem with paying executives large amounts regardless of performance. Where our paths may diverge, however, if you subscribe to laissez-faire and trickle-down economics, is that I see something tremendously wrong with Person B receiving 4,875 times the yearly income of Person A regardless of whether they’re not running the business into the ground.

No one could credibly argue that Person B is doing 4,875 times the work as Person A. Granted, it’s more stressful a job in certain ways, and one’s decisions regarding the direction of a company will have much greater an impact than deciding how much salt to put on the fries when you take them out of the deep fryer, but the difference certainly isn’t enough to warrant that much of a pay disparity. Surely those decision-making skills aren’t equivalent to the mind power of thousands of people.

In the 1950s-60s, the average executive salary was roughly 20 to 50 times as much as the average employee. Over the last half-century, it’s gone up into the hundreds and thousands, averaging out at around 411. Have executive positions become that much more valuable over that span of time? Doubtful, especially when you consider how many business-damaging executive scandals, abuses, and mismanagements there have been over the last eight years alone — and those are just the ones we know about. Meanwhile, the minimum wage has, adjusted for inflation, decreased on the whole over that same period of time, from an average of around $6.00 in the late 50s and through the 60s to an average of around $4.50 from 2000-2007 (in 1996 dollars).

So, executives, on the whole, are making far more than ever before, and — especially those performing poorly — far more than their jobs actually warrant. Yet, the biggest concern seems to be ensuring these executives and other Americans making millions of dollars a year will be able to keep everything they made, or at least not pay any more in taxes than Americans making only tens of thousands or a couple hundred thousand dollars a year, since imposing greater taxes on those who make more is somehow “unfair”. Hey, after all, the guy with eight houses has precisely as much to lose by the failure of American social programs as the guy living in a trailer park, right?

See, some people have a problem with wrapping their minds around why the rich need to pay more in taxes than the poor. One of the primary reasons by far is that the rich have far more to lose when government programs fail. Either you directly have more to lose when, say, the military or the police force or the fire department fails and you lose one or all of your houses and/or are robbed, or you have more to lose indirectly when those whose work your wealth is dependent on no longer have, say, a bus system to get to work, or access to a working medical system to keep them healthy. (Of course, beyond that, there’s the fact that “what’s mine is mine” is a really rather primitive way of thinking, but I’ll get to that in the “The Case Against Economic Liberalism” essays.)

We also run into the illusion that higher taxes on those with higher incomes is somehow a disincentive for success, but that’s rather a specious assertion when you consider that A) People who make $12,000/year don’t all just pack it in and shoot themselves and still do their best to make as much as they can; B) It’s not like life is going to be miserable if you’re taking home $6 million out of $10 million per year. I don’t see any of those people packing it in and shooting themselves, either, because their success is somehow “limited”.

There’s also the claim — also mostly specious — that “I EARNED that! It’s MINE!” which is laughable when you consider that many people in the wealthiest category of Americans make a large amount of money simply from capital gains. It’s like leaving a piece of bread out on the edge of the sink and congratulating yourself months later for all the hard work you put into getting mold to grow. (Here’s another place where the “disincentive” argument is ridiculous: Are people going to suddenly say ‘well, fine, I won’t make more money just from having more money’ and take their balls and bats and go home?) But even for the wealth that doesn’t come from capital gains, if you’re making more than a few million dollars a year, you have to have one hell of an ego to claim you actually earned all of it, compared to all the work done by those making less than even $100,000/year. You’re delusional or in denial if you don’t think that a large portion of what you’re making at that point is just an added bonus for being one of the elite.

Yet the fairness of putting soft, flexible limits on exorbitant salaries and amassments of wealth in order to better the lives of the vast majority of us who didn’t have the same opportunities is considered this vile, terrible concept, and referred to in a snide and disgusted tone as “redistribution of wealth” as though it were the ideological equivalent of a profanity. And somehow, there are Americans who eat that up even though what they’re all clamoring to drag out with pitch forks and lynch is something that when implemented benefits them tremendously at the minor inconvenience of 2% of the population, and when unimplemented makes hundreds of millions suffer and fall into poverty and credit cesspools so that 2% of the population can ultimately keep even more money than the immense amounts they already rake in — numbers so large that any difference is almost arbitrary and serves no purpose but bragging rights.

What in the fuck, America? Wake up!

A Six-Foot-Four Black Man

My sense of reality has been absolutely shattered. It’s… I mean… if this isn’t real, then what is? Now I feel like anything could happen! Pigs raining from the sky… hats growing teeth and developing an appetite for human brains… light waves from the sun turning into water on contact with the color green. I mean, how could this have been a fabrication?

Well, it turns out that it was. That’s right, the woman with the fake-looking shiner and the “knife wound” that looked like fingernail scratches and the tale of the amazing gigantic scary black liberal who was able to somehow psychically figure out which car belonged to her on a crowded street apparently made up the whole thing.

Gee. Shocker.

David Sedaris on Undecided Voters

I don’t know that it was always this way, but, for as long as I can remember, just as we move into the final weeks of the Presidential campaign the focus shifts to the undecided voters. “Who are they?” the news anchors ask. “And how might they determine the outcome of this election?”

Then you’ll see this man or woman — someone, I always think, who looks very happy to be on TV. “Well, Charlie,” they say, “I’ve gone back and forth on the issues and whatnot, but I just can’t seem to make up my mind!” Some insist that there’s very little difference between candidate A and candidate B. Others claim that they’re with A on defense and health care but are leaning toward B when it comes to the economy.

I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

You can find the full essay at the other end of this link.

Woof woof, I’m a dog, now give me my goddamned cancer medication.

While I’m all in favor of dogs receiving treatment for injuries and overwork, it’s a little fucked up to me that there are a bunch of dogs getting better healthcare treatment than hundreds of millions of human Americans, all on the taxpayers’ dollar. It’s not that I don’t support a single-payer healthcare system or anything — I’m all for socialized healthcare, since I strongly believe that being alive and healthy should be a right and not a commodity — but it’s infuriating that government officials are green-lighting this kind of shit while letting vast numbers of the uninsured suffer because of ridiculous “everything needs to be privatized” ideologies that would be horrific if fully implemented but are even worse when some of their so-called proponents are actually corporatists who spend even more of taxpayers’ money than socialist-capitalists ever would.

Explanations

The term ‘Libertarian’ encompasses several schools of thought, all of them devoted to the essential idea of liberty (as we might expect,) otherwise known as freedom. This is a fine thing; most of us hold the idea of freedom in fairly high regard.

Things get tricky, though, in the matter of defining what, exactly, liberty is. There are two main big categories most people invoke here, negative and positive liberty. Negative liberty is freedom from things, such as the freedom from conscription or taxation. Positive liberty is the freedom to do things, such as the freedom to eat chocolate right now or take a vacation to the Grand Canyon.

The common libertarians with which most of us are acquainted here in the US (we may call them vulgar libertarians or Vultarians,) limit themselves to a negative conception of liberty. They go on to formulate their philosophy of governmental non-interference as based on property rights, contracts, and the free market. The government, they say, should limit itself to enforcing property rights and contracts, without interfering with the free market.

There are several problems with this formulation, which I will explore through these three questions.

1. What is government?
2. What is a free market?
3. What is property?

1. Firstly, government is not, as many seem to think, merely the structures and people appointed by law to rule over a given piece of territory. Many Libertarians apparently labor under the misapprehension that if by some magical effect all of the official federal, state, and local governmental employees disappeared tomorrow, we would have no more government. This is hogwash.

“Government” is an emergent property of human society. All peoples have government, and everyone is at some point along the spectrum of governmental power, though most of us are very near the bottom. Church leaders are part of the government. High school cliques are government. Gangs are government.

Government is nothing more than the structure of the distribution of power throughout society. Power is the ability to control people and resources.

So this is the first important misconception of Libertarianism, that ‘freedom’ means freedom only from the official, federal government. If we replace a democratically elected master with a corporate master, we have not freed ourselves, but possibly made our freedom even more difficult to obtain.

2. The ‘free market’, as glorified in much of Libertarian thought, does not exist. The government, both official and not, does a great deal to shape and assist corporate America. Without tax breaks, subsidies, protectionist laws, monopolies, bullshit contracts, etc, corporate America as we know it would not exist.

Libertarians mistake corporate America for a ‘free market’. It’s not. For us to truly have a ‘free market’ society in which people are actually free to buy and sell labor, commodities, enter into business with each other, make contracts, etc., then we need to actually have a free market.

This is the biggest hypocrisy of the Vultarians. They complain about the horrors of being taxed to provide food for the destitute, but are perfectly okay with government policies which give millions of dollars to major corporations.

Moreover, as explored above, corporations are a form of government. Power is the ability to control resources, and government is the distribution of power, not just the investiture of laws. Liberty, therefore, must also mean the freedom from coercion of all forms, including corporate coercion. It is a fine thing to be free of coercion from Washington, but if you must in exchange rise at a set hour every morning, work under the foreman’s constant supervision for 8, 9, 12 hours a day, dress as required, HAVE YOUR WIFE TAKE A BLOOD TEST BECAUSE YOUR BOSS SAYS SO, and in all other matters set your day by your bosses’ dictates, then you have no freedom at all.

Contracts, which Libertarians hold up as an ideal way to arrange matters in society, are especially problematic in light of the governmental power of corporations. Contracts between free and independent equals are fine, but when one party to the contract is significantly more powerful than the other, then we are operating under the threat of coercion. We cannot honestly say that a contract has any legitimacy if one party faces starvation if they don’t sign. Likewise, in our present society, one cannot get a credit card, buy a car, go to college, obtain credit, buy insurance, deposit money at the bank, buy a house, or do a great number of other things without being first required to sign a contract. The alternative–to do without these things–is almost impossible. These contracts, then, are compulsory and supported whole-heartedly by the official government, which sees no reason not to increase the power of the corporate government at the expense of the people.

A true libertarian, therefore, must look to protect the people no only from the coercion of the official government, but also from the coercion of all forms of power.

3. “If I were asked to answer the following question: What is slavery? and I should answer in one word, It is murder!, my meaning would be understood at once. No extended argument would be required… Why, then, to this other question: What is property? may I not likewise answer, It is robbery!, without the certainty of being misunderstood; the second proposition being no other than a transformation of the first?”

—Pierre-Joseph Proudhon, What is Property?

Property is the most sacred principle of Libertarians; the idea of ‘get off my land and let go of my money and leave me alone,’ in short. But much of the current distribution of property is unjust, or stems from unjust beginnings. Most of us here in the US live on stolen land–land stolen from the Native American Indians. How can we make any claim to ‘ownership’ when we got the land from people who got it from people who murdered the people who had it first?

The history of land is a history of dispossession and murder, not just in the US. Much of what is now regarded as ‘private property’ was once public–common grazing areas, common forests, etc. The idea that an individual, rather than a community, can ‘own’ a piece of land which they themselves are not cultivating or otherwise maintaining is of relatively recent vintage, and was invented for the sole benefit of the wealthy.

The enclosure of the common spaces has deprived the common people of what was once regarded as their right–the right to graze their cattle, to raise their crops, and roam at will.

The imposition of one person’s ‘rights’ with regard to the land has come at the expense of the rights of all other persons to that land. One person’s freedom to do as they wish with their land comes at the expense of everyone else’s freedom to do as they wish with the land.

If we regard it as the proper duty of the government to protect the property rights of individuals, as Libertarians do, then the government must first ensure that the distribution of property is fair and just, not based on theft and murder, and not unduly imposing upon the liberties of the rest of the bulk of the population. The liberty of the majority must come before the liberty of the few, for the obvious reason of thereby maximizing liberty.

There are other kinds of property we may mention besides land, of course. Patents and Copyrights are obvious ones. These are property rights to monopolies on ideas. They were originally instituted for the common good, in order to promote creativity and development through monetary incentives. However, the IP system has become little more than a bludgeon with which major corporations extract money and energy from each other and bully minor corporations. Rather than encouraging innovation and growth, corporations use patents to block and inhibit innovation and growth, contrary to the public interest for which they were first created. Through patents, corporations (and their lawyers) get rich without developing anything, creating anything, or otherwise contributing to the public good.

The idea of owning an idea is, at best, specious. No idea comes entirely from itself; every idea has its roots in previous ideas.

Locke describes the right of property ownership as deriving from effort expended by the owner–that is, if I gather seeds and plant and water them and they sprout into trees, I may claim those trees as mine, due to the effort put into them.

But if you first tilled the soil and dragged in heavy bags of fertilizer, dug wells on the land, and built an irrigation system, and all I did was collect a few seeds from the fruit trees you had planted a few years back, then planted those seeds in the soil and watered them with the water you had provided, what right would I have to claim those fruit trees as mine? They ought, justly, to be the common property of both of us, for we have both expended effort on their creation.

Likewise, the same is true of ideas. The government can arbitrarily declare that this idea is this person’s property, and that idea is another’s, and so on and so forth until they have divided up the entirety of land and sky, but this does not make the distribution just, nor should the government therefore enforce it.

Liberty, then, as the object of libertarianism, cannot be regarded as simply residing in protection of property, freedom from government interference, or the unfettered workings of the market. We must start from the idea of liberty itself, and then evaluate how each things may impose upon it, and oppose them in turn where their imposition is unjust. To do any less–to allow people to be oppressed by the rich, coerced into unfair contracts and deprived of their natural rights of movement and of their common property by laws enacted by the rich, is an utter betrayal of liberty.

You’re right, John, inciting hatred is nothing at all like inciting hatred.

After spending the last week or so riling up American prejudice and hatred with ridiculous accusations that push all the right fear buttons for a particular variety of Americans — the type who subsequently chant violent sentiments that terrify Americans like myself — McCain is now scrambling desperately to figure out a way to weasel out of being called on his shit.

I still don’t quite get why anyone would want to vote for this asshole.

Well, at least we have a clear picture where the bigoted dunderfuck vote will be going…

So, the McCain campaign has been stirring up a snake pit of reactionary morons in order to incite hatred against Obama over his working on an educational board with a guy who set off some bombs in Washington D.C. almost half a century ago, who has since had the charges dropped against him, become a professor, and won Chicago’s Citizen of the Year award.

Either McCain and Palin are just so profoundly goddamned dumb that they had no clue that there are many particularly ignorant Americans who would react this way, working themselves up into a terror tizzy wherein anything that sets off even the remotest neuronal association with 9/11 puts them into a kind of irrational base-brain panic mode where clear facts and logic can be suspended so that the witch hunt they feel is necessary to protect their families can continue unabated and the perceived danger — however illusory — can be eliminated, or they actually want to get an angry mob to lynch Barack Obama.

On that note, it makes me so confident for a better, brighter future that over 40% of American voters plan on casting their ballot for the ticket that’s either extremely just profoundly fucking dumb and out of touch with the people, or incredibly evil and manipulative and willing to incite lynch mobs and keep children from finding out what “bad touch” means so long as it helps them get into office. (And don’t give me any shit about “well, the McCain campaign is urging people to be respectful” — if you take a basket full of snakes and shake it as hard as you can, release it in a preschool and then sing a lullaby, you don’t get points for trying to calm the snakes.)

One would think that inciting an angry mob against an individual would fall under the definition of “terrorism”. I am genuinely afraid that one of these stupid pieces of shit is going to take it upon themselves to assassinate Obama.

But no, that’s not terrorism — actually inciting terror like that by stirring up violence and hatred. Geez, what was I thinking? Terrorism is serving on some education board with a jumped-up hippie asshole who set off some non-fatal bombs half a century ago and making it clear that you detested what the man did back when you were eight years old.

Somehow, eventually, these hatred-mongering motherfuckers will reap exactly what they are sowing, and I assure you it will be one incredibly ugly potato.