Chick Dissection | There Go the Dinosaurs

This one currently has no introduction on Jack’s Big List O’ Tracts. I’m not sure what significance there is to that, if any. So I’ll make up my own, based on a brief skim-through:

Dinosaurs were really magical dragons! They survived the Great Flood by riding on Noah’s Ark, only to be hunted into extinction by Appalachian yokels. Only Jesus can save you from science! Who are you going to trust: God or worshipers of devil-strewn fossils?

If the last few Tracts are any indication, Jack’s descent into hilarious madness is rapidly accelerating. I don’t know why he felt the need to make yet another Tract about the “Great Flood”, but whatever. It’s crazier, goofier and dumber than its predecessors, which results in much amusement all around.


“Holy fuck, why am I puking trees? WHY AM I PUKING TREES!?”

Gasp… have to hide before anyone sees me in this Chick Tract! How embarrassing!” Or: “Oh, crap, it’s that creepy religious asshole sneaking up and drawing me again. I have to hide before he puts me in another panel of this fuckawful thing!”

Not only did dinosaurs coexist with man, they were also made of small bricks, apparently.

“Hee-haw! Everybody do the kick dance! Hee-hoo! Whoo! Put your hands in the air, like you jus’ don’t care!”

“Grab your weapons — Bob’s seeing dinosaurs again. We’re going to have to beat him into another coma before he kills someone again.”

Ah, so it wasn’t meteors that killed the dinosaurs, it was shark-faced, spear-toting frontiersmen. Why, that makes SO much more sense than, oh, say, fossil evidence.

How does he know those tracks aren’t just tricks of Satan?

Man, it’s really out of breath. This must be… wait for it… Puff the Magic Dragon. HAW HAW HAW.

You know you’re fucked when your lynch mob has Death himself in it.

So dinosaurs… were dragons*… that hid in clouds. And you know, you’d think that if they thought in English, they’d have developed a better understanding with humans.

Check out the look on its face — what kind of cloud is that, anyway? Perhaps the “Puff Puff” means something other than the difficulty breathing one might’ve initially expected. After all, why in fuck would there be a cloud resting on top of a small hill?

* You’ll see in a second.

That nose goes all the way from the top of his head down to his mouth. He could suffocate himself by sticking out his tongue. That’s probably how this ghastly early offshoot of humanity died out.

Meanwhile, Jedediah Neckbeard, over on the left, is all spacing out on moonshine. “Where? I ain’t see nothin’! I done gone blind from drinkin’ rubbin’ alcohol!”

HAW! Dinosau– er, sorry, I mean… Dragons have a negligibly smaller intelligence than we do!”

No, seriously, what the fuck is with that cloud? Is he being gratuitously cartoony, or does he actually think this is what clouds are like? Why is it sitting on top of a small hill? This… I don’t… what? *sigh* Well, at least there are backgrounds in this one.

Yeah, uh, how many dinosaur fossils are there that show ANY indication AT ALL of contact with man-made instruments? Like, apparently, as depicted here, a bone-saw. I mean, even if they’re carting off just the meat, you’d think someone would’ve made marks of some sort on the bones. Or that as tribal societies — which they basically actually were at that point — they’d have made jewelry or tools or other things from bones.

This will take them 36 trips. Exactly. They sat around and counted it out, apparently.

What is this, the fuckin’ Flintstones? They gonna drop an oversized chunk of meat into the side of their foot-powered automobile, accidentally flipping it on its side? Come on, Jack — where are the prehistoric pig garbage disposals? The Wooly Mammoth showers? “Mmmm, yabbadabbadoo! Dino-burgers!”

Okay, so, make note of this for a few panels from now: They call them “dino-burgers”, and this is apparently supposed to be taking place, here, shortly after the “Great Flood” and all that. This will be relevant in just a second.

HOMPH CHOMPH MMM LAST DINOSA– Er… DRAGON! MMM HOMPH OMPH

“Grandpa, why do you look like an aged, wet Wolverine?”

Also great is that they’re just carelessly and obliviously slaughtering this entire species. Considering they’re dressed like 19th-century Americans, one would think they might have advanced enough to have maybe a little more foresight about things like killing off one of their primary food sources instead of, say, trying to domesticate them for herding purposes or something. Given their stone houses, they don’t appear to be nomadic, so I don’t see why they couldn’t do a little dino-farming. Considering the dinosaurs apparently think they’re “hidden” just because their eyeballs are seeing clouds surrounding them, they don’t seem like they’ll be that hard to corral and maintain.

Of course not! God just created the Earth with pre-fabricated craters that just seem, to those easily-led Darwin-worshipping lientists, like they were caused by meteor strikes. Or else somehow in the first two thousand years of Earth’s existence (out of six thousand, remember), God played around with statistics so that the Earth would become just a fuckin’ magnet for large meteors, but he totally muted the consequences of their impacts so that nobody would notice when these huge chunks, repeatedly colliding with Earth over a period of one or two thousand years, should’ve been having an effect akin to detonating millions of nuclear weapons. See, that’s just much simpler and more believable an explanation, right there.

“RARRGLE RABBLE RARGLE! ONLY DINOSAURS RULED THE EARTH! AND THEN A GIANT COMET HIT, AND I’M REALLY FUCKIN’ PISSED OFF ABOUT IT!”

This guy doesn’t look as Stereojewy as Jack normally makes his Antagonist Professor types. This one’s more just a dumpy Hitler, with a killer comb-over.

“Hey, you guys,”, said God, “I haven’t made a duck yet, but this is what it’s going to look like, see? And it’ll go all, like, ‘quack! Quaaaaack!’ Pretty cool, huh?”

So why aren’t there, to use examples from this panel, any fossils from zebras, emus, lions, and some bird I can’t identify, in the same locations or geological strata as the fossils of dinosaurs?

Meanwhile, the “evidence” in the Bible which supposedly depicts the creation of dinosaurs is in Genesis 1:21, where God created the “great sea monsters”. (KJV, by the way, translates it as “great whales”.) Apparently, there were no land dinosaurs created at this time. Either that, or whoever wrote the Bible made a bit of a fuck-up (because, as we all know, the Bible was written, translated and interpreted by man, regardless of whether it was divinely inspired), and they meant “great monsters, some of which lived in the sea”, or something along those lines. I mean, either the biblical description is incomplete or inaccurate, or it just doesn’t talk about dinosaurs at all. In other words, if the depiction in the Bible is that of dinosaurs, it does it in a great big vague fuck-up of a way that calls into question every other depiction in the Bible. How can they claim that “sea monsters” means “enormous lizards, many of which walked around on land”, but that at the same time they’re taking the Bible literally? (I’ll get to the “but it really translates into “dragons” thing in just a minute.)

Further, HOW IN FUCK DID THEY NOT JUST ALL EAT EACH OTHER? Yeah, t-rex in a big garden with a bunch of meat scampering around. You don’t have to be omnipotent to recognize that’s a horrible idea. I’m surprised half the species even managed to pump out a single subsequent generation, considering how many animals were natural predators of many of the others.

And then a biped snake dragon twice as tall as they were that had a radioactive skull sneaked up on Eve, and she totally didn’t just, like, shit herself and run away in terror. That’s not a fuckin’ snake. What’s Jack trying to do, here? By “serpent”, the Bible meant “dinosaur”? Is every kind of lizard or amphibian ever now considered a “dinosaur” to fundamentalists? Is this what they have to resort to in defense of their lunatic, anti-science, totally-lacking-in-evidence perspective on the history of Earth?

By the way, there’s nothing about “Eve’s weakness” in the actual Bible. It was all just the snake telling her “no, seriously, you can eat from the tree, and you won’t die today, and you’ll be smarter”. Nothing about Eve’s aspirations or anything like that. I have no clue why Chick keeps trying to make Eve seem like some kind of horrible, wicked, ambitious bitch. Maybe he just doesn’t like women, for some reason.

Godly? But I thought “no one is righteous, not one”.

Look what happened next ———-> Nothing!

Coming from people who believe in a god that nearly ordered a man to kill his own baby son, there’s not a lot of ground for criticism, here.

Looks like the tribe on the left worships Kirsty Alley. (*rimshot* Tip your thetan. I mean… waitress.)

Actually, maybe it’s more the Church of Maurice Sendak of Latter-Day Saints or something.

Oh, wow, white text that’s not on a solid black background. I’d have to check to be sure, but I think this might be a first.

What fuckin’ good would repentance have done, anyway? They were damned to hell regardless of what they did, weren’t they? If not, why the need for Jesus, and that whole contrived process?

Ooh, wow, they were really wicked. They told a man “Shut up!”

For tonight’s performance, Noah will be played by Donald Sutherland.

Bwahahahaha. Dragons.

Now, remember when I pointed out the “dino-burgers”? Why wouldn’t they have called them “dragon burgers”? Unless, of course, Jack is suggesting that that actually was 1800s America, after 1841, when “they were renamed ‘dinosaurs’.” Which, erm, I’m sorry, but: WHAT. Sure, the term “dinosaur” (from Greek, “dinos” + “saurus”, meaning “terrible lizard”) was coined in 1841, but that doesn’t mean it “replaced” the word “dragon”. That’s… just retarded, really.

Funny how dinosaurs don’t really resemble the dragons you see depicted on the covers of fantasy novels and elsewhere, or dragons from various cultures all around the world. (Maybe that’s why we have a different word for them.) For instance, Chinese New Year dragon — have we ever found any fossils for anything that even remotely resembles that fuckin’ weird-assed thing?

Okay, anyone who thinks the fabled Ark was only that fucking big has already lost their argument. If you look at the door on the last page, and then look at the door here, you can get a rough approximation of its size. It’s maybe three times as tall as the dinosaurs, here, at best. This thing had to hold every multicellular organism on the planet, with enough food for all of them. Including the carnivores. For forty days. (I assume they’d have needed food, because if God could just freeze their metabolic processes and instincts, why couldn’t he have just put them into total suspension, flooded the place, and then taken them out of suspension when the waters cleared? They also would’ve all had to have been organized in a ridiculously precise way, so as to prevent them all eating each other.) I’m not entirely sure there’d even have been enough lumber in whatever given area Noah was in for him to build such a thing. Not only that, it’d be like a single person constructing a boat the size of, say, and I’m just guessing here — and still probably underestimating — Rhode Island. How many thousand years would that have taken?

This all raises other questions as well, like: Where did Noah stow the tapeworms? With regard to “two by two”, what did he do about animals that can switch gender, or reproduce asexually?

“And big animals need lots of it to survive. It also didn’t help that they stood around screaming for no real reason.”

…and all the dinosaurs apparently possessed the intellect of humans. I mean, cute and goofily anthropomorphic is fine and all, but there comes a point where I grow unsure he’s joking anymore.

Man, God must’ve really wanted to torture the dinosaurs. “Hey, I know — I’ll take them from an environment where they thrive, and ensure that they survive long enough to be taken into an environment that would be totally hostile to them so that they could be tracked down and slaughtered!” What a total dick.

Uh, by the way: Most of the Earth’s oxygen, in the range of about 90%, is generated by phytoplankton, which live in water and would likely have survived a flood.

“Can you wrap up the story, grandpa? I need to get back to my referee job.”

You know, why destroy the human race, anyway? Why didn’t he do the Jesus thing as soon as possible? Why couldn’t Noah’s wife have given birth to Jesus, to die for everyone’s sins and compel them to be good to each other? Just seems stupid to me.

“IT WILL BE BY FIRE! Or… some kind of sea anemone. Or, wait — hair? Clumps of hair? Cotton? I… it’s… sorry, it’s not a very good illustration.”

AND THAT’S NOT ALL… You’ll also receive this three-piece knife set, a $99.00 value, yours absolutely free! Plus, we’ll throw in this carbon knife sharpener, and a pony.

“Bask, lowly human — bask in the brilliant glow of my radiant belly!”

“If you ignore him, you are doome.”

The whole world will see Jesus comin — no, no, too easy.

There are two lessons you must learn from the flood:

#1: God’s a vindictive dickhead. Instead of, say, making a public appearance, or demonstrating himself in any tangible way to get people to believe in him, he plays a game of omnipotent hide ‘n seek, except for with one guy who he tells to do something so baffling to everyone else that they think he’s insane and refuse to take anything else he says to them seriously, and then he (God) wipes them all out. Even though a) there was no Bible then, so they didn’t even have a guess at what they were supposed to do, and b) there was no incentive for them to be good anyway, since they’d still have been punished forever.

#2: Defecation.

See for yourself ———-> Nothing! (I love reading these online, because they’re always formatted vertically, and it pisses all over his layout.)

Holy living ouch — he sent Jesus fully-grown, beard and all? Wow, Mary really is something special, having to squeeze that out. Now I can see why the Catholics adore her so much. That must’ve been about ten times worse than the crucifixion.

Uh. “Obedient” to whom, exactly? I thought God and Jesus were the same person. So Jesus was… obedient to himself? I… I’m genuinely lost, here, folks.

Goddamn, I love the Space Clouds.

“…a few dirty shepherds.” They sang raunchy limericks and liked groping and fondling unwilling women. And one of them appears to be having a really heated discussion with a mule.

“I do not condemn thee, wall! Go, and sin no more. Now, this kneeling whore, over here, on the other hand…”

“His arrival changed the world! People all throughout the Middle East spontaneously shed small potatoes from the palms of their hands!”

Yes, yes, the Jews were evil, we get it.

Yeah, this is what people are pissed off about. This is why non-Christians get pissed off at fundamentalists. It’s all because Jesus said something “horrendous” — that he was the only way into heaven. Certainly, there’s nobody who just plain doesn’t give a shit but doesn’t want to be swept up, dominated and oppressed by all these assholes who think their particular interpretation of the Bible needs to apply to everyone. Why, that’s completely inconceivable!

Santa Jew, here, is really giving me the Hebey-jeebies.

What Jack seems to be forgetting, here, is that these people aren’t evil or sinister or whatever — they were necessary to facilitate the whole “Jesus salvation” thing. I mean, would it still have counted if Jesus grew up and died peacefully of old age?

Wait a minute — what about the dinosaurs? Are we… did we fall into another Tract or something?

The Jews all have Navel-Mouth. I’m really starting to believe it’s a disease common to unbelievers.

What is that in the second panel? A raisin stuck to a small piece of wood with a ball of Velcro? The very front of a zebra, wearing a ushanka, carrying a plank? An elderly man’s pubic region, with a wooden stake stabbed into his lower belly? Oh, I see, it’s a severely mutilated Jesus.

Hey, that angel finally brought him a large enough rock.

It even physically repositions you so you’re facing the other direction! Truly, it is a miracle.

“Thank you, Lord! Now I can measure things with my aura! Aww, hell — it’s metric.”

“Noah’s family were the only ones in the whole world that believed in God. In other words, each and every one of you is the product of some rather severe incest.”

Wait, how did they escape God’s wrath? I thought Jesus wasn’t born until long after Noah and his family had died. Or… did… fuck it, I give up.

Oh, good, the real issue isn’t where the dinosaurs went. So what the fuck’s the big uproar? If it doesn’t really matter, then Christians can actually trust their senses and the observable evidence in the world around them. After all, why does a person need to necessarily believe in the same selectively-literal interpretation of Genesis as religious nuts in order to accept Jesus as their lord and savior? Problem solved, then. Thanks, Jack!

I think I’ve finally figured out what the deal is with all the gigantic potatoes in God’s throne room: All the radiation from his incessant glowing has irradiated them, resulting in mutated overgrowth.

Looks like Jesus’ aura does millimeters, while mortals only get centimeters. Ah, well. Guess that’s why he’s the son of God.

“Will Jesus be your savior? Or will he lurch forward in his seat and pretend to be an airplane? The choice is yours!”


I’m sorry, I… I don’t quite follow.

What the hell was the narrative message of this one supposed to be? He ditched the dinosaurs about halfway through in order to vilify the Jews some more. Then the thing about how “the real issue isn’t where the dinosaurs went” — is he finally giving in to evolutionary theory in the hope of retaining Christians who have been turning to more rational thought, or is he trying to minimize it to put it into a perspective along the lines of “do you really want to care whether evolution is true if your immortal soul is at stake”? Was this his last spectacularly goofy hurrah with regard to attempting to counter evolution, exaggerated to the point of grotesque hilarity as an ironic concession, throwing his hands up in exasperation and turning the dial to full-blast nuttery? Unfortunately, I think he was just trying — and failing, on the whole — to be funny.

Part of me hopes he’ll finally come around to the notion that maybe the Bible didn’t actually mean “dinosaurs and man coexisted”, and that there’s really no conflict between belief in Jesus and an understanding and acceptance of evolutionary theory. Another part of me — the part that really enjoys biting deep and hard into his blackened, festering mind — hopes he just continues to descend along this path into surreal, absurd, nearly complete detachment from any semblance of reality.

I can’t wait to see what the next Tract has in store for us.

Until next time, everyone. Stay tuned.

83 thoughts on “Chick Dissection | There Go the Dinosaurs”

  1. FIRST COMMENT, BITCHES!

    Brilliant. Brilliant.

    Some old memories are being recalled here. Look at the Professor; he looks resemblant to that from Big Daddy.

    This must be the first time ever, too, that Chick never mentioned lil’ Kenny Hovind in a Creation tract. Oh, speaking of Hovind, I found a nice little vid you might like:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEGEl4uHQAU#Yj98sW4iaIA

    Weird thing is, I never realised that the old guy looked like Emmett Brown.

    “That’s the price of sin, Marty, my boy!”

  2. Why am I pukeing trees? perhaps trees are to dinasors what carots are to humans… “goddamnit I didn’t eat that, I just had a few beers and a brontosaurus past it’s sell by date…..”

    ‘A golden ginny for the man who harpoons the great brick dragon!’ Cried Jesus and lo when they were finished there was enough to fill twelve baskets (check out Bill Hicks on biblical dinosars for more laughs)

    As for why the dinasors didn’t eat the other animals on the week 1 asembly line… oh yea of little faith for Jesus shall make the viloso raptor lie down with the lamb!

  3. I just figured out the space cloud thing! It has to be a nebula….seriously, that is the only way I can make sense out of that.

    As for the throne potatoes…maybe God just needs a snack now and again.

  4. notice how massive plant die-off only affected dinosaurs/dragons while other species carried on as before. Did they, *gasp* evolve to adapt to changed environment?

    Also I see that Fang is featured. Nice.

    Also the idol worshiping scene I see Chick returned to Baal. If you look at older tracts you’ll see this deity mentioned quite often but it wasn’t featured recently.

  5. Maybe the potatoes that the unbelievers shed in the “Mary Non-condemnation” panel are the miraculous result of God imparting his massive throne-room potato storehouse directly into the unbelievers hands… you know… like a sign… or something?

  6. Panel 2: That’s funny, I seem to recall medieval legends speaking of peasants fearing/being killed by dragons and not vice-versa.

    Panel 8: Notice how Chick has the cloud is just resting on top of the dinosaur like a blanket instead of showing the dinosaur’s body gradually fading into it. Normally, I chalk this up to his terrible artwork, but knowing Chick’s screwy beliefs…

    Panel 9: Wow, pinecones sure got big back then.

    Panel 10: Come to think of it, do you think that the royal family and various nobles would let lowly peasants eat mighty “dragons” if they actually existed? Hell no, they’d keep ’em for themselves and there’d be records of them feasting on such things. Also: Why are “dino-burgers” being eaten like shish kabob?

    Chick seems to have forgotten that besides legends of dragons being made-up, the term “dragon” was also a catch-all term for anything strange in the sky that couldn’t be identified during those days (at least it was in Europe), so old reports of dragons had less to do with actual monsters and more to do with stuff like ball lighting. In fact, I have a UFO debunking book that cites an old “recipe” for hoaxing a dragon from those times!

    The closest Chick’s “dinosaurs = dragons” theory comes to legitimacy is to how fossils used to be sold in Chinese pharmacies as “dragon bones,” but that seems to be a case of people applying a preexisting legend to fossils rather than fossils creating a legend. Speaking of which, this website explains the origins of both Eastern and Western dragons nicely.

    Panel 14: Whoa Jack, isn’t there a part in the Bible where it says anyone who tries to add stuff into it goes to hell? If life really is governed by a vindictive being like you claim, you’re screwed.

    Panel 15: I was going to make a joke about how replacing the serpent with a velociraptor seems like a desperate attempt to appeal to today’s youth or making a reference to this movie, but then I remembered that “In the Beginning” revealed that it’s merely the Geico lizard.

    Panel 17: I love how the evil idol wears a mask. You’d think that being a giant, goofy monster statue with snakes for hair would make it impossible to have a secret identity.

  7. For that matter, why bother with a flood at all? I mean, it was only the -humans- who were sinning with wild abandon, right? Why didn’t he just strike all the ungodly people dead on the spot, spare Noah and Company, and call it a day?

    Sometimes, it seems God (at least, this particular concept of God) must enjoy doing things in the most complicated, roundabout ways possible.

  8. i forgot what i was going to say about this, but it seems worth mentioning that i played a show in the village last night with some band that had “devil” in it somewhere….and the singer really did look like what jack chick might depict the devil to be. it was very postmodern.

  9. “What Jack seems to be forgetting, here, is that these people aren’t evil or sinister or whatever — they were necessary to facilitate the whole “Jesus salvation” thing. I mean, would it still have counted if Jesus grew up and died peacefully of old age?”

    This brings up an important philisophical question regarding Judas:
    Essentially Judas played one of, if not THE, most important part of the alleged salvation of man. Had he not done what he did, Jesus may well have died peacefully of old age, which in the context of the whole process, would’ve meant nothing.
    And the most ironic thing about this is that if Judas DID go to Hell, which not only the Fundamentalists but pretty much every sect of Christianity claims, then he has suffered for the salvation of man far more than Jesus ever will. Does that make Judas the true messiah? Are they wrong to brand him a “traitor” when he indirectly “saved us all” and is still suffering for it (hell is for eternity remember)?

    Good disection by the way.

  10. Am I the only one to be reminded of this joke by the first panel?

    What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

    Do-you-think-he-saurus

    I’m sorry everybody….

  11. Panel 7: I think that emu is actualy an elephant, since it seems to have tusks. An extremely ugly elephant, even.

    Panel 17: During the day he is a mild-mannered false god, working in an ordinary job at the sacrifical altar…but at night, he reveals his secret identity and fights crime as HYPER-BAAL!

    Also, now it’s clear how Jesus fed all those people with just some fishes! They were dinosaur-fishes!

  12. You know, this seems to start out as some sort of environmental message with a random thing about clouds and then just goes down to Chicktown and gets annoying. If anything it would make your average child like God less, because he killed all the dinosaurs. Would probably reduce my little brother to tears.

    5. So they call them dinoburgers even when the word dinosaur doesn’t exist? Plot hole!

    6. Er…no. There were other land-dwelling animals mixed in with dinosaurs, along with the was a fuckton of other critters in the air and sea. And dinosaurs only had a 160 million year slice, there were some even weirder creatures before them. Professor guy is also pretty angry for someone who appears to be teaching ten year olds.

    7. My brother had a book which explained that the T-rex used to use his fangs to strip bark from trees until he got a taste of red meat and then all the dinosaurs fought until God killed them.. The book also depicted the earth as an anthropomorphic hill, had photos of clay dinosaurs and landscapes as illustrations, and was meant for children to show how wrong it is to be greedy.

    9. That idol looks like a stuffed Godzilla toy.

    10. A boat just to hold a pair of the larger sauropods would probably be way bigger than the Biblical one, really.

    11. Chick’s god is a dick. He makes these adorable dinosaurs which vaguely resemble the ones from “The Land Before Time” cartoon, then kills them.

    12. …he really does look like Doc, doesn’t he? That’d disturbing.

    15. The three kings feel very left out. Not to mention, y’know, Mary and Joseph.

  13. the velociraptor trickin adam and Eve thing. IIRC after snake tricked them into eating apple God cursed her and forced her to “walk” the earth on her belly. From which one could say that prior to that snakes had legs (and possibly arms). Hence snake is drawn with both and as such resembles some dino.

    About Judas. He went to hell because he commited suicide. a big no-no.

    1. Actually, only Matthew says he committed suicide, Acts says he died accidentally. You often see tortured attempts to claim this is not a contradiction, but the truth is neither Matthew or Luke (author of Acts) claim to have witnessed Judas’ death and are instead writing what they think he deserved.

  14. So.. the dinosaurs were able to mate, lay eggs etc.. for years untill the air started going thin(in which time the plants would’ve come back)??
    Or the air was already thin, but they still SOMEHOW were able to do all these activities??
    And some other christian “professors” say that the dinosaurs all died FROM the flood, not after and that’s why they are on lower sediments, so how does Chick explain why they are so deep in the ground?

    The mind! it boggles!

  15. Luxxi

    I’ve always wondered if that bit about the serpent having arms and legs was an attempt to explain snakes’ vestigial (hind) limbs.

    1. Well, I doubt the authors of Genesis even paid much attention to that. Most likely they visualised a snake as a limbless lizard and came up with a fable to explain why such a thing might exist. Same as the Egyptians didn’t know what the sun was but knew dung beetles rolled things around so it must be moved around by the bestest dung beetle ever.

  16. I don’t get Chick’s idea on why they dinosaurs died. Instead of the idea that they were all wiped out simultaneously, they suffocated on thin air? Why were they the only ones to die? Couldn’t man, the elephants, the emus, and all the other life forms die because of that? Why is it limited to the dinosaurs?

    Also, re looking it over, Chick only knows three types of dinosaurs. There was the Brontosaurus that was hiding in the clouds, the Stegosaurus in Eden, and then was the Tyrannosaurus Rex on the poster. And since he doesn’t believe in evolution, why do we find pterodactyl bones?

    Got what a fucking asshole

  17. While browsing the Creation Museum’s website, I came across a rather interesting FAQ section. It includes a page on “Arguments not to use”. On it, they list numerous approaches that even they admit are supremely stupid, and most of which Chick has used. Including the canopy theory.

  18. Heaven or Hell?
    The choice is yours!
    LET’S ROCK!

    Seeing as dinosaurs existed, and hence their fossils must also be real and not simply the trickery of Satan, how does Jack explain carbon dating and other methods which date the remains as hundreds of millions of years old compared to the several thousand he claims? Are these figures the work of evil scientists who lie about the numbers so as to turn the people away from God? Are the tests somehow inaccurate 100% of the time? I’d really like to hear the excuse.

  19. Kamigaro: He uses examples of times the test didn’t work to prove that it’s completely useless. At least, that’s how I understand it.

  20. Alright, I was always better at math than biology, so if there are any pulmunologists out there, help me out, but… If the atmosphere changed and dinosaurs had a harder time breathing, wouldn’t that have affects the humans as well? No matter how much oxygen they needed, the dinosaur oxygen:human oxygen ratio would still be the same after the flood. So why didn’t the humans slow down as well?

    I’d say that everything expect the dinosaurs evolved to breath the air if evolution wasn’t EBIL. Also, I guess it’s pretty hard to deepen the gene pool with an old couple, their three sons, and however many wives they had.

    “What can I say? God hates freaks.”

  21. I’m more concerned with what that thing is in panel nine. Is that thing coming out of its head the thing’s hair, or its left arm? I really hope it’s the former, otherwise Chick should be forbidden from ever illustrating another tract.

    I don’t mind him writing them, because they’re always hilarious, just that he stops illustrating.

  22. Seiber:

    “My brother had a book which explained that the T-rex used to use his fangs to strip bark from trees until he got a taste of red meat and then all the dinosaurs fought until God killed them.. The book also depicted the earth as an anthropomorphic hill, had photos of clay dinosaurs and landscapes as illustrations, and was meant for children to show how wrong it is to be greedy.”

    . . . how would that book convey – coherently – the message that it’s wrong to be greedy? It’s so incoherent I think Chick wrote it!

    And I really can’t stand the widdle baby dinosaur drawing. Yep. God’s definitely a douche from time to time if he kills little defenceless animals.

    There’s something I’ve always wanted to know. If T. Rex had an appetite for TEH FR00TZ originally, but the turned carnivorous, wouldn’t it have a digestive system designed for both meat and greens? However, T. Rex was only found to have a meat-adapted system.

    God wouldn’t just change their biology after the Fall, because if they were herbivores/frugivores at the start, the environment would need to allow for it. To change their Biology, but keep the environment the same (which he presumably did), would kill them off instantly.

    YABBA DABBA FRUIT!

  23. Katie: geez your ignorant–didn’t your science teacher mention that humans ran like jackrabbits before the big, mean flood?

    Another thing that I would mention is that the Hebrew word for “earth” is also the Hebrew word for “continent” as well as “nation.” (I watched a discovery channel episode on this). Also, there are other translations which suggest that Noah was only taking animals from around his area. With this information, and the fact that the great flood is a story of many other cultures in the region, it is highly likely that the biblical story was created off a real event–and that the bible may have in fact been telling almost the entire truth about it (except the Mt. Ararat thing)! Archeologists are finding more and more evidence to support the idea of such a flood (although by no fucking means does it prove that “dragons” existed anywhere near the time of Noah, nor could anyone reliably prove that with current scientific evidence.)

  24. I have a problem with you, Jabberwock. Your stories are so funny that I often spew whatever I’m drinking out of my mouth while laughing. It’s getting the keyboard a bit messy. I think it’s worth it though — this week was brilliant.

  25. Felis: “. . . how would that book convey – coherently – the message that it’s wrong to be greedy? It’s so incoherent I think Chick wrote it!”

    Well, the general idea was that God created dinosaurs, and they all lived in peace until they started getting greedy and fighting for food when that was plentiful. Then they started killing and T-Rex started eating the dead ones. Then the Earth complained and God killed them all and made humans instead.

    As I said, kid’s book.

  26. Hey, look at panel 30 (dirty shepherds): is it me, or is the young one in the middle looking at the one on the left as if to say he wants him!? The one on the right seems to be telling them off for showing it in public, while Lefty is groaning, as he is tired of the rant.

    Either that, or Middle fancies Donkey, there.

    Yep. That whole ‘Ark’ thing is a lie. In fact, there was AN Ark, but a different sort. You see, ancient texts found in Africa – dated at over a hundred thousand years old, have been unearthed. They teach of a group of beings who built a giant device to protect humanity, and it’s hidden near Mombasa.

    Well, there is a prophecy that states that somebody’s going to FIND this real Ark, and protect Humanity from evil, other-worldy beings!

    117! Remember that number! 117!

  27. Sorry bout the double post, but…

    Seiber: Ah, okay. BUT THAT’S AGAINST THE BIBLE, TOO!!!1! EVERY MINUTE DETAIL COUNTS!!1!oneoneseven.

  28. “Alright, I was always better at math than biology, so if there are any pulmunologists out there, help me out, but… If the atmosphere changed and dinosaurs had a harder time breathing, wouldn’t that have affects the humans as well? No matter how much oxygen they needed, the dinosaur oxygen:human oxygen ratio would still be the same after the flood. So why didn’t the humans slow down as well?”

    If there were a “water canopy” that accounted for the water in the Noachian deluge, the atmosphere would be at 970 psi (compared to “today’s” 15-16 psi), all of the water on the planet would be superheated water vapor instead of oceans, and any oxygen would probably be in toxic concentrations; coincidentally, those hypothetical conditions are quite similar to the atmospheric conditions on Venus.

    So life that could survive in such obscenely hostile conditions would, when subjected to the “new” postdiluvian atmospheric conditions, suffer massive decompression, which would be 100% fatal (most deep-sea creatures don’t survive dredging). A lack of oxygen would be the least of their concerns. And yes, it would apply to all species, not just dinosaurs.

  29. oh, man, i just finished a lab shift and it’s way too fucking early for Chick Time. no matter how unintentionally, foot-blammingly fucking hilarious he is, at early-fucking-thirty it’s actually easier to understand the negative-IQ reasoning that he uses than it is to debunk him…

    …therefore, i’m gonna come back and read the rest when i’m not in danger of shoving my head full of mental aspirin. thanks J.

    Lepht

  30. damn it, i meant “mental arsenic”. i’m seriously falling asleep over my fucking keys here… this must be what it’s like to be a Kansas schoolkid, i guess.

    L

  31. For anyone interested in the video link I posted earlier, it was to a music video tributing Kent Hovind. A Tuber named RabidApe wrote a song called Fucktard, and had a competition for someone to make a music video.

    Creation Science Evangelism filed copyright complaints only twelve hours ago, and the video was removed, along with RabidApe’s account being suspended, despite the fact that the material was ORIGINAL.

    All other videos of Kent, including rebuttals that have his footage in, have been removed and all involved have been suspended (look up ExtantDodo). This is despite the fact that Hovind claims his videos are non-copyrighted on his site.

    It’s blatant compromise in favour of a religious group, for no good reason, either. Not wishing to be an alarmist, but they’ve even started to try and take over the fucking media!

    Back them up, start a petition, or do whatever you can (within the law) to stand up for free speech.

    BTW, I jsutrealised it’s September the 11th. Bloody hell – six years. Where does the time go?

  32. In panel 6 the dragonsaur clearly found its way into a cloud worthy of Cheech and Chong. “Dino’s not here, man.”

    “Sniff. He’s beautiful. But damned tasty!”

    “Their first born kid killed his little brother. And he got sent away to someplace where he found a wife, the existence of whom is highly problematic when you try to impose a simple-minded literalism on the text.”

    The ancient church “fathers” Origen, Jerome and Augustine all cautioned against reading Genesis (all of scripture, for that matter) literally. They recognized that doing so makes the bible more holey than holy.

    In fact, in the time of Origen and Jerome, imposing literal interpretations on scripture was considered heretical. Ergo, Jack Chick is in fact an arch-heretic. HAW HAW HAW

  33. Re: Felis
    Those mutha fucka’s.I subscribe to extant dodo-but only one of his videos was removed .Hovind’s shit about the age of the earth.I still didn’t finish watching that.Eh someone else disputes it-type “300 creationist lies” in a search engine.Actually the video was titled “Tribute to kent hovind”.One version is still on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWCvXlnQphg -but i bet they will call a “copyright” claim,but it isn’t htat good compared to the one you had before.Someone should write up youtube on that.

  34. The dinosaurs died because they didn’t believe in Jesus. This should be a lesson to all of us. Wait a minute, I don’t remember anything being mentioned in the Bible about dinosaurs and the Arc. I guess I didn’t read between the lines as closely as I should have. I am such a heathen. No, I just think too logically to believe any of this bullshit. Another great job, Jabberwock. Looking forward to the next, and the next and the next Chick dissection. Keep up the wonderful job.

  35. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

    Okay, I happen to be a huge pedant about dinosaurs and whatnot. And lemme tell ya, it wasn’t any comet. If anything, it was a METEOR. METEORS AND VOLCANOES.

    Plus, dinosaur skeletons were referred to as “dragon bones.” The people had no idea where they actually came from, and ground them into medicine. Plus, if anyone has ever compared a classical illustration of a dragon/sea serpent to a dinosaur/pterosaur/icthyosaur/mesosaur/plesiosaur fossil, that person will have doubtlessly noticed HUGE, GLARING DIFFERENCES.

    Plus, Bible passages having nothing to do with dinosaurs/paleontology

  36. Uh, if the water covered the entire world (including mt everest) then wouldn’t everone on the ark have sufficated from lack of oxygen? And wouldn’t all the land plants have drowned? And how salty was the water, seeing as fresh water fish die in sea water and ocean fish die in fresh water?

    I asked Jack and the answer is “BURN THE HERETIC AT THE STAKE”!

  37. Re: the Ark: There was an article I found once. It used the idea of of proto-animals, which is apparently a mid-way fundie/evolution viewpoint whereby god made, say, a Cat and it evolved into all the members of the feline family. Even then, it said, given 40 days and 40 nights and 8 people working non-stop, you’d have about 2.5 minutes to feed each animal if you fed them once on the trip, and the boat would probably sink under waste products anyway.

    Unfortunately, I lost the link. =(

  38. This tract is pure (jailbird) Hovind. I went to one of his sons’ “creation science seminar” where the fate of dinosaurs (as “dragons”) was spelled out exactly like this–people ate ’em, people slew ’em, and they died out.

    Oh, plus Grendel was a T-Rex, and Beowulf killed him by pulling off one of those little T-Rex forearms, because ya know how easy those things must have come off (really, this was his scenario!)

  39. By the way, what culture are these pseudo-hillbillies from, and what time period? I’m assuming that even in Chick’s world the Dinos were dead by the time the Big J showed up, but Grandpa Wolverine seems to already know the tenets of Fundie Christianity.

  40. Daniel: yeah, it’s ridiculous. I’m planning – within a week – hoping to contact the guys involved and get the videos put up on my site, which might take a month or two as its under construction.

    By the way . . . three hundred Creationist lies?

    That’s one for each scientist that George Bush paid to acknolwedge Creationism (google “Project Steve”, which was a response).

  41. gloob:

    Grendel as a T-Rex doesn’t make any sense, seeing as how Grendel was described as a hairy giant and how his mother was described as being able to live underwater. Anyway, even the severely goofy “Grendel was a Neandertal or Bigfoot” explanation makes more sense than that (Really, what’s so hard about the concept of someone just making up a monster?). Oh wait, I forgot that Hovind doesn’t make any damn sense to begin with!

    Daniel:

    As I recall, a lawyer for Creation Science Evangelism said something to the effect of that, despite Hovind’s claims, the material was already copyrighted. There’s a note about the material being copyrighted in 2005 on the CSE website and there’s also a notice saying “ALL MATERIAL (UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED) IS COPYRIGHT © 2007 CSE MINISTRY.” Hilariously, this appeared on a page where Hovind said that none of his materials are copyrighted. But, from what I understand, modern revisions/extensions to copyright laws basically made it so that things are copyrighted as soon as they’re created (but it’s best to file for copyright at the Library of Congress so you’ll have an easier time defending your copyright), so they might have a point.

    However, quoting Hovind is fair game for the purposes of review and their claims of that violating copyright are BS. It’s hypocritical for CSE to complain about videos criticizing Hovind that are acceptable under “Fair Use,” but have no problem (presumably) using the same thing to justify their use of copyrighted images, like the Mansi photograph of “Champ” and various paintings, in Hovind’s “living dinosaurs” video. Also worthy of note is that Hovind was caught plagarising materials!

  42. Jack Chick is going soft on us.

    Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. Duh.

    Chick’s just been brainwashed by the evil liberal media.

  43. Marissa:

    Yeah, what you’re describing is the ‘BARAMIN’ concept, whereby there is an ur-cat that gives rise to all subsequent cats. Trouble is, all this happened in less than six thousand years. The old cry of Creationists was “there’s no proof of evolution”–but Baramin-style evolution really should have been easy enough to observe throughout human history.

    It’s a good thing Jesus is gonna return any day now and end the world, or else 6000 years from now humans will have evolved into god only knows what. Maybe something like the races out of the Lord of Rings, or something. Give humans another 50000 years, and we’ll have evolved into stuff out of the cantina scene in Star Wars.

  44. Someone seriously needs to give that Hovind guy the MST3K treatment…no mercy!

    Seriously, Grendal a dinosaur! Grendal was a made up monster of the Vikings…who were not even Christians!

  45. You would think people who understand Linear Programming, which had not been invented yet, would understand that this is all bullshit. Its amazing to me that they arrived at the conclusion they would need 36 trips to transport their catch. Jack does it again!

  46. Hmm . . . I think you should, just for gits and shiggles, take panel 8 and post that as your avaar on varius sites, or print it off and leave it around the place. Even better, stick copies up on telegraph poles with the phrase “Have you seen my dinosaur?” underneath.

    Just to see the reactions people will have.

  47. Just WHAT is that THING in the sky on panel 9? It looks like some floating fern with a giant alien eggsack attached to it.

    I’m seriously bothered by that. I guess it’s some kind of plant but that just can’t be a pinecone, can it?

    Maybe Jack was trying to draw some fucked up prehistoric plant (and failed miserabily as usual).

  48. “I can harvest that dragonsaur in 36 trips, Dave.”

    The floating thing in panel is what we midwestern types used to call “bagworms.” Typically, bagworms could be found on various pine trees. They did not, however, hover in the air unattached.

    Actually, I think it’s a grenade and the prehistoric hillbillies are under attack. Hence the kid and Fang trying to warn the unsuspecting hillbillies of the ambush.

  49. Off topic, but:
    Has anyone noticed that in the creation museum’s brochure*, in the section on their planetarium, they talk about stars that are “billions of light years away”? How stupid can you get? They just invalidated the whole “young universe” argument, since if the stars are billions of light years away then they must have existed for at least that long for their light to reach our planet so we could know about them. Christ, learn what the term means before you toss it around, morons!

  50. It’s funny how in this tract the “choice is all yours” but in other ones everybody is under direct mind control by angels and demons.

  51. Wow. This inspired me to write a song.

    Please sing to the tune of the Flintstones theme song.

    Fundies!
    Meet the Fundies!
    They’re embarassing and quite crazy!
    In a state of denial
    They’re not at all from this century!
    Dinos living side by side with us!
    Ignore all science and evidence!
    When you’re with the Fundies
    Have a yabba dabba doo time!
    A dabba doo time,
    But not a gay old time!

    Thank you.

    Just wait till you see what I plan on doing to the “Salute Your Shorts” theme song with another Jack Chick tract.

    It just might make the universe implode under the sheer force of awesome.

    And Jabberwock, another hilarious dissection as usual!

    Makes being stuck at work on a Sunday enjoyable!

  52. Man and Dinosaurs – Did they know each other?

    [Falsification of evolutionism’s favorite dogma that dinosaur and man are separated by 65,000,000 years of macro-evolution]

    The purpose of this page is to show that the evolutionistic geologic time scale has been falsified by scientific observations from many scientific disciplines, including lab and flume studies, archaeological and paleontological excavations, and carbon-14 dating of materials from virtually every part of the geologic column.

    One of evolutionism’s favorite dogmas is that dinosaurs became extinct 65 million years before man evolved on the scene. Those who believe in the theory of evolution over eons of time always argue that there is no evidence to suggest that man and dinosaurs lived at the same time. Perhaps this demonstrates an ignorance of historical geology and archaeology–with a strong touch of self-inflicted censorship.

    Long before most of us were born, major museums were aware that dinosaurs and man coexisted. Dr. Charles Gilmore, curator of vertebrate paleontology of the famous United State Museum of Natural History, and Samuel Hubbard of the Oakland CA Museum confirmed in 1924 that man and dinosaur lived together as evidenced by their 40 page report discovered buried in the files of the Oakland Museum entitled, “Discoveries Relating to Prehistoric Man.” There on the front cover of their expedition’s report is the photo of a carving of a Diplodocus-like dinosaur on the wall of the Hava Supai Canyon of the Grand Canyon in Northern Arizona. On page 11 is a drawing based on a Diplodocus skeleton in American Museum of Natural History, NY City which is 84 feet long. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

    A copy of the full 40 page Doheny report is available for $6.00 per copy from this writer which includes shipping. As you read this first section:

    (1) You’ll notice that the prevailing age for the extinction of the dinosaurs was only 12,000,000 years ago in 1924; it is now 65,000,000 years.

    (2) The main author, Samuel Hubbard argues for theistic evolution and for the existence of dinosaur and men far less than 12,000,000 years BP; he was sadly rebuffed even in this endeavor, as are those scientists of today who argue for Intelligent Design or for “abrupt appearance” of life and the universe.

    (3) The members of this expedition came very prepared to do good scientific work with sample collecting, molding and photographic work.

    (4) They reconfirmed what had been seen by a few of them years before – namely the depiction of what they called a Diplodocus dinosaur.

    (5) Since 1924 when the Doheny report and its 1926 supplement were written, many more dinosaur depictions by man have been found world-wide including man’s footprints with dinosaurs some even in a pristine condition under tons of rocks supposedly over 100 million years old. The following is a profusion of experiments and observations whose only conclusion must be that macro-evolution of life-forms from a common ancestor has been falsified:

    (a) archaeological evidences for coexistence of dinosaur and man
    (b) sedimentology research
    (c) anomalous radiometric dates for known lava formations like Mt. St. Helens etc. and
    (d) direct dating of all fossils in the 1000’s of years including dinosaur bones and diamonds using the C-14 dating technique [C-14 can NOT be detected much beyond ~60,000 radiocarbon years]. These diverse findings further suggest that the actual time required for the deposition of the geologic column is several thousand times shorter than evolutionary theory claims.

    Numerous observations by scientists confirm the reality of dinosaur and human co-existence. In Natural Bridges National Monument, there is a Petroglyph resembling a dinosaur attributed to the Anasazi Indians (500 to 1300 AD). There is also a carving of a Triceratops, including the characteristic three horns and neck frill, in Montrose County, Colorado, attributed to the Fremont Indians who were contemporary with the Anasazi.

    In Peru over 30 % of some 11,000 burial stones (~2500 BC) found since the 1930’s in human graves contained carved depictions of dinosaurs such as T-rex, Stegosaurus and Triceratops. Many carvings are in “storage” in a major museum and 100’s of others are in a private museum in Peru. These stones were mentioned by a Catholic priest missionary and an Inca historian of the 16th century who mentioned drawings of “strange animals.” (For another description of two different kinds of dinosaurs, read the dinosaur descriptions in the book of Job, chapters 40 & 41.)

    In Mexico 2600 of some 30,000 clay figurines excavated since 1945 depicted many different dinosaurs, including Hadrosaurs and a probable T-Rex interacting with man. (500 BC to 500 AD).

    In 2005 a dinosaur thought to be either a styrocosaurus or a torosaurus was identified being depicted with other animals in a mosaic on the floor of a 300 AD Jewish synagogue with other animals in Sepphoris, Israel (CEM 2005, BAR 1987). A stegosaurus is depicted on a 10 foot high column of an abandoned Cambodian Buddhist temple dedicated in 1186 AD (Angor Wat 1997)

    The Doheny Report which follows will allow you to look at some of the evidence for dinosaur and human coexistence through the eyes of two prominent scientists of the 1920’s. Future articles on this page will explore additional evidences in greater detail. Anyone interested in making a tax deductible donation to support vitally important C-14 testing of dinosaur bones and other fossils, should contact Hugh Owen at the Kolbe Center, 952 Kelly Rd., Mt. Jackson, VA 22842 Tel: (540) 856-8453 Email: howen@shentel.net

  53. Listen to these short one minute creation talks by Gerry Keane. These files require a web mp3 player locally installed on your computer. Examples web media players include QuickTime, Microsoft Media Player or RealPlayer.
    Adam Named the Dinosaurs
    Define Evolution
    Did Flight Evolve?
    Evolution is Outmoded Science
    Fingerprints Uniqueness
    Giraffes Were Created
    How Long Did God Take To Create
    Intermediate Stages Are Conceptually Impossible
    Is Earth 4.5 Billion Years Old
    Janus and Epimetheus
    Migratory Birds
    No Errors in the Bible
    Polygenism
    Supernaturalism Versus Naturalism
    The Origin of Eve
    The Unique Platypus
    Vessels In the Human Fetus
    What is Fundamentalism?
    What is Missing From Evolution?
    What is Original Sin?
    What is Special Creation?
    Who Created the Universe?

  54. I’ve studied evolution and can I just say… Inbred! INBRED! Whether it’s Adam and Eve, a bit of replicating clay or two progressive apes, we’re all the byproduct of some serious incest…

    I’m actually impressed that he’s standing up for what he believes in, despite the stick he gets! Tho the liberal interpretations of scripture do set my teeth on edge…

    Funny tho. Thanks!

  55. “hunted into extinction”? Where did that come from? The Bible states (and many scientists concur) that prior to a flood of that magnatude, that the Earth and its atmosphere was different after the flood. When what dinosaurs that died out died (we all know natural selection happens) it would very easily be because of the change in the rich oxygen atsmosphere after the flood. A sauropod (what is described as a behemoth in the Bible), for example, had very small nostrils and lungs for an animal this size. This would indicate that it lived in a period of time with very high oxygen levels. Large amounts of water in the atsmosphere before the floods would create this reasonably and scientifically. Afterward, when the rains fell and the world changed from this global change, it would have difficulty breathing with the lungs and nostrils the size of a modern day horse. Nobody said they were hunted. Why musst you exaggerate anything that you dont like, as to attempt to make it appear ridiculous? Is that the only way you can figure out how to discredit the entire theory? mocking and gross exaggeration? Sounds pretty intellectual to me. Im so impressed!

  56. The professor’s pose in the left panel is the best thing ever. It’s like he’s imagining he’s in the wild west and pointing imaginary guns. This is a stickup! Hand over all your supernatural beliefs or we’ll persecute you!

  57. I like to imagine the professor there in the second panel is flapping his fat face around, like the facial equivalent of the truffle shuffle.

  58. I’m so fucking confused. I thought Jesus and God were the same person, at least according to every other fucking Chick Tract. But here they’re two separate entities? What the fuck Jack, please do us all a favor and get a vasectomy.

  59. You know what really slays me? How they explain the condition of the animals in Eden: “God provided for them”. Well, yeah, there were plenty of plants for the herbivores to eat, and lots of herbivores for the carnivores to eat. “But nothing hunted anything, the lion laid down with the lamb and all were contented!”. So, what, animals didn’t have to eat back then? God just filled their bellies every six hours or so? Did they photosynthesize like the plants did? What was the point of the predators having claws and teeth and sharp senses if they didn’t need them?

    And then, when Adam and Eve screw up, suddenly the predators are now hunting and killing things. Why would God do that? He sure loves punishing everything for the mistakes of Man. “You ate of the tree! Get out of here! And I’m making all the animals have to eat plants and each other, too!” And don’t get me started on the Flood. “Good grief, look at all those sinning humans! I’m going to DESTROY EVERYTHING I EVER MADE BECAUSE ONE OF MY CREATIONS MAKES ME SAD AND ANGRY! Sorry, animals and plants with no concept of good and evil, gotta genocide you, too, baby and bathwater and all. Wait, there’s one guy and his family that still like me? Fine, guess I’ll have to save the other things I created too”.

    That’s our God. Punishing anything and everything for what two people did.

  60. I’m sorry, but does no one notice that he says “Trillions of plants?” I’m starting to think that Jack Chick doesn’t actually know what numbers ARE(capslock shout due to ignorance of italics on this posting system).

  61. This is probably incredibly annoying, especially this long after the publication, but the Bible (Gen 6:15) explicitly states how large the ark was: 500 by 50 by 30 cubits, or about 250 by 25 by 15 meters. So… yup, Chick knows his bullshit.

  62. So, the Dinosauers where taken onto the Ark, just to die out though the changed atmosphere soon after the flood.(at least acording to Jack Chick)

    Am I the only one who think’s that make god look like an utter imbecile? If he knew the Dinosauers weren’t going to make it, why do he even waste the space for the Dinosauers and the necessary food? I mean, just think of the sauropods, these beasts are freaking huge! Some species of them are 60 meters long and 18 meters high, and they eat about 18 hours a day. And there are several species of them ( just look at the classification tree http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sauropods#Classification ) – how did all these fit into a box of 137x23x13.7 Meter? With the box still able to swim? And millions of further species are into that Box too?

    Really, the ‘Noah’s Ark’-Story is already dubious enough without such insane additions.

  63. “I think I’ve finally figured out what the deal is with all the gigantic potatoes in God’s throne room:”

    They act as an automatic doorway. See, thee are no angels there, maybe they are on maternal leave or strike or whatever. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjZUQ5h-ZR0 So there is no one there who actually ensures that the sinner is thrown into the lake of fire. What if he simply ignores God’s directional advice and runs up the stairway to heaven all by himself? As you see from the pictures the stairs is to the right of God and automatically blocked by the potato-boulders. It is fair to assume that to the left there is sort of a slimy slippery slope which makes you glide into hell.

  64. So no one but the dirty shepherds paid attention huh? I guess the three wise men wasted their time and money following a star to Jerusalem and getting their expensive gifts? Okay.

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