AIM Chat Log | Oh Ricky, You’re So Fine

EtJabberwock: I keep confusing Rick Santorum and Rick Springfield. Which makes me think that Rick Santorum really ought to record a cover of “Jessie’s Girl”.
Ben: Ew! For some reason I think Rick Santorum’s singing voice would resemble the chittering of carnivorous insects.
EtJabberwock: Hahahaha. Probably. Or, like, long blades being dragged against metal, and the sound of choking infants. Punctuated by anal sputterings.
Ben: Right, right. Like, it’s both Eldritch AND obscene-in-a-puerile way.
EtJabberwock: Exactly. And every time the anal sputterings would happen, the choking infants would giggle a little, and then go immediately back to choking.
Ben: Lord. I really bet the man has bundles of tentacles he’s just passing off as legs.
EtJabberwock: Haha, probably. You see these big, bunched-together, slimy trails running along the ground… “Careful, men… these be SANTORUM TRACKS!”
EtJabberwock: Lemme find my favorite picture of him. [above]
Ben: Oh, wow. Those are some teeth, there.
EtJabberwock: He doesn’t have teeth – those are the index fingertip bones of his enemies embedded in his gums in arrays. I’m not talking about political enemies. I mean, like, lich-hunters.
Ben: They’re held there by his dark power. They’ve been gradually falling out ever since he lost his Senate seat. He’s spending his time conserving what’s left of his power and sustaining himself with the blood of infants, in the hopes that he can find a job on K Street before he fades away altogether.
EtJabberwock: o/` Iiiisssxchhhheeaggh wissshhhhhhhwaahhhh *plurt*-heeheeheechgukguk that Iiiiiiiiiiiisscchhhhchch haaaaad *splurk*-heeheeaagchchchak Jessieeeeeeeechchchsssssschch gggghhhchchiiiiiiirrrrrrllll-*sppplllllurp*-heeheeheeghukgukch…
Ben: On THAT note, I am going to sleep.
EtJabberwock: That was “Jessie’s Girl”, by the way.
Ben: Yes, I could tell.

3 thoughts on “AIM Chat Log | Oh Ricky, You’re So Fine”

  1. The second installment of the Politicians’ Voices Conversation series is a rousing good effort, maintaining the high standards in arcane imagery and inventive metaphor we have come to expect from the team that brought you Tony Blair’s Is More Refined. Nevertheless the subject is slightly outdated and the ending punctuated by irrelevent byproduct. Let’s hope they can keep up the pace for the third installment.

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