Ate some of wife’s scat – she didn’t know – mw4m – 36

I’m pleased (for certain definitions) to introduce a new feature, here, at EtJ: NO STRING.

Of late, I’ve been trolling CraigsList, often with friends online, to find amusing and entertaining posts, usually for the purposes of mockery. Sometimes it’s atrocious grammar or spelling that completely changes the intended meanings of the posts. Sometimes it’s horrible, blinding images posted by people compensating for hideousness with exhibitionism. Sometimes, it’s just fucking creepy. But it’s always a treasure trove, and I’ve decided to share it with all of you.

So, I’ll be mirroring some of the best posts from CraigsList (since the original posts are, in fact, time sensitive) and posting links to them here with commentary. To be on the safe side, please consider this entire feature Not Safe For Work, and click the links at your own risk. We are not responsible for any psychological or employment damage resulting from mirrored CraigsList content.


Don’t You Want To – w4mm

Don’t I want to correct your goddamned grammar. You Do Not Need To Capitalize Every Fucking Word In Every Sentence You Write, and apostrophes are NEVER used for pluralization. I can’t imagine calling someone with this kind of grammar a “Goddess” while keeping a straight face. Though, maybe that’s the point…

P.S. – 150lbs my ass.

3-some wanted and I love eating pussy – m4mw

180pond? Is he filled with small bodies of still water? Perhaps this man is Minnesota, the Land o’ Lakes.

Cute Guy SEEKING SWF With Nice Tits for FWB relationship… not BBW – m4w – 35

Cute Guy seeking SWF former FBI CIA IRS With Nice Tits for FWB NSA relationship… not BBW – Has BA, Will BBQ, Am Trained EMF, TNT in bed (will make you go OMG), STD free – Additional Info TBA

>>>>>>>>>>> real face pic >> ladies l – 19

Does he mean ages 1 – 19? Hrmm. Yeah, he looks like he’d fuck a baby.

Maybe he could get in touch with Mistress Gothy McCleavagetits up above to borrow some fucking apostrophes.

Ate some of wife’s scat – she didn’t know – mw4m – 36

“Dear Penthouse,

I never thought it could happen to me, but…”

I’m kind of curious as to how he managed to pull this off without her noticing. “Oh, wait, honey, before you flush…”

Sexy Couple Seeks Bi Fem Carpenter – mw4w – 29

This is an interesting request. Maybe it’s some sort of metaphor?

Boobs and Brains – m4w

He’s not looking for a relationship, he’s trying to reanimate the corpse of his dead, flat-chested girlfriend.

Discreet, Short & Skinny Boy with Hairy Hole needs a Pounding – m4m – 29

Isn’t this just a screencap from Borat? Thing looks like fuckin’ Snuffleupagus. I can’t imagine being tempted to shove my dick into this, no matter how gay, kinky or desperate.

bukakkee party thursday night – w4mm – 27

Is this anything like bukkake? Maybe bukakkee is the plural form.

RU A Small Handed Woman, Would U Fist Me? – m4mw – 39

“[S]huttering load”? Does it sound like he’s taking pictures while he’s spurting? “Here, lemme just adjust my aperture settings, here…” *chk-splork* *chk-splork* *chk-splork* “Hrmm, my white balance seems off today…”

Cocksucking group Lunchtime Tuesday – m4m – 34

“Hey, wanna go out for lunch Tuesday? I’m meeting my book club – wanna come along?” “Aww, Tuesday’s my cocksucking group. Sorry, can’t.”

They also appear to have a pretty strict admittance policy.

Hot Blonde Goddess sks. Rockin’ PrettyBoy Live-In LoveSlave – w4m (East Village)

The,only,thing,she’s,the,goddess,of,is,using a comma instead of her space bar.

I can barely read that shit.

Ladies..I want to Cum on Your Pics – m4w – 30

Gyah, why?

SODOMY – m4w

Hi, I’d like to invite you to my church.

It’s an interesting angle, at least. “Learn to find God through me fucking you in the ass.”

The patch of hair above his ass really makes it. It’s so… majestic. Y’know, like a lowland gorilla.

ok my i need to have sex my girlfriend is’nt in the mood becuase – m4w – 21

Uh, dude… masturbate? Jesus. Do you HAVE to shove your dick in something?

I WANT A BBW…..(all women apply) – m4w – 23

“hope u like mines….” And caves? Let’s go spelunking!

Though, he is looking for a BBW. “I’m going to extract ore from your enormous pussy, and melt it down to extract its pure elements.”

BIG IRISH Cock Seeking… – m4w – 35

Not me – just the cock. It’s in its 30s, 6 (inches), 185lbs. (Average size, but it’s made of depleted uranium, see.)

straight and to the point – m4w – 22

What the fuck is this a picture of? I mean, obviously a cock, but it looks like some kind of fish, or a reflection of a lighthouse. What’s with the hood near the far right tip? Is it wearing a little hood? Is this Little Red Riding Cock? “My, what big teeth you have!”

Male Hobo here

****** READY FOR ALL U WANT MMMMMMMM – m4m – 27 (Inwood / Wash Hts)

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

“By the way, I’ll be making this exact noise during anal sex. (I don’t have a mouth – it’s a medical condition.)”

2000 a month for Pretty Girl with a TWIST – m4w – 30

Posted by M. Night Shyamalan. Either that or he’s looking for a woman with scoliosis.

Bed for cheatin couples – m4mw – 36

I want my own amateur seedy motel, too!

Any Uncomplicated girl out there? – m4w – 27 (Upper West Side)

He’s looking for nice curbs. If you’re interested, he’s going to go to your house and examine where your sidewalk meets the street. Then he’s going to ram his monster cock into it.

Midown Hotel — Horny cocksucker – m4m – 60 (Midtown West)

Is he selling blowjobs or no-stick cookware?

morning blowjob – m4w – 23

That’s either Photoshop, a camera trick, or his cock is bigger than his forearm. Come on, dude. WE CAN TELL.

Salsa & Meringue – m4w – 30 (SoHo)

Salsa, and cooked egg whites. He’s not interested in two different kinds of dances, he’s trying to find two different kinds of food. Doesn’t help that he closes with “Chow.”

do you want your g/f to sceam – m4mw – 29

I much prefer when she goans and moas, actually.

Sexually Inadequate – m4w

…speaks for itself. I guess he should be commended for his honesty.

DO MY STR8 ANUS – m4m – 40 (Downtown)

My anus isn’t good enough to be STR8. Mine’s more a STR6 – STR7 at best.

Someone to take my boyfriends virginity? – 23

…huh. That’s… an unusual request. Why are people so caught up in who’s whose “first”? What does it matter? REJECT SUPEREGO, KIDS.

i what to jerk off on your body 8 1/2

“What do we what?”

“To jerk off on your body 8 1/2!”

“When do we what it?”

“Now!”

I want to suck dick (Inwood / Wash Hts)

“…or maybe something else…”? What, like, an old kitchen sponge? A t-shirt? Carpet? A pineapple? Chicken, corn, green peppers, chile… *sigh* …onions? Used tampons?

And finally, we have the post that inspired the name for this new feature:

NO STRING

NO STRING

You know, I don’t think he’s looking for a relationship. I think he’s just announcing that he’s finally a real boy.


Thanks to Rachael for help with some of the riffs on this installment, and for showing me most of these posts.

7 thoughts on “Ate some of wife’s scat – she didn’t know – mw4m – 36”

  1. I am proud to have done the research for this fine addition to the normal stuff. I’d also like to note that I was browsing the CL CE’s solely for the purpose of laughing at misguided and misspelled posts… not trolling for NSA booty.

  2. I should probably clarify that I was reading these ads, and thought to myself, “That looks like a pair of testicles with great big angel wings!” And it just went from there.

    Of course, in Snuffleupagus defense, it’s hard to capture sex appeal through a picture of one’s perineum.

  3. “Cute Guy SEEKING SWF With Nice Tits for FWB relationship… not BBW – m4w – 35”

    Mang, I thought the term was “No Fatties.”

  4. SODOMY – m4w

    Hi, I’d like to invite you to my church.

    It’s an interesting angle, at least. “Learn to find God through me fucking you in the ass.”

    The patch of hair above his ass really makes it. It’s so… majestic. Y’know, like a lowland gorilla.

    if there is anything that can save you from eternal damnation Jabberwock, it is being fucked in the ass

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