Forget paying nearly twice as much for a Wii – Let ME ruin your X-mas! – $500 (Link will no longer be valid after December 3rd, 2006, in case I forget to get rid of it)
Forget the Wii. Seriously, four months from now, they’ll have ironed out the bugs, and you’ll be able to walk right into a store and buy one for retail price instead of $400-500. If you don’t set your kids’ expectations so impossibly high, you won’t find yourself in misery having to fulfill them. And people with distorted senses of entitlement because they “waited in a line for a while and bought a thing” (thereby ensuring you couldn’t get one) won’t be making upwards of $100 profits from said misery.
Tell you what: for $500 (OBO above $250), I will personally come to your house and ruin Christmas for you and your children. Guaranteed.
Now, I’m posting this under electronics. So, uh, I guess what I’m going to do is, I’m going to get a toaster (which is electronic) or maybe an old XBox (not the 360–the old one) and fill it with gravel and maybe urine of some sort or a bunch of spiders, or the holocaust, or whatever, and I will dress up like Santa (well, mostly; I’ll probably just put on a hat that may or may not be red in color and let my stubble grow out a little) and I’ll throw the toaster or XBox or whatever under your Christmas tree and lob random profanity at your kids like I’ve got Tourette’s or just some weird compulsive psychosomatic disorder that makes me blurt out at random the most horrible and offensive things I can possibly think of as they enter my head.
So basically you’re bidding on a broken toaster or XBox and a lot of angry screaming. If you want, I can feel up your husband/wife, as well, though depending on what they look like, I might have to charge a little extra. I can also tell your children that there is no Santa. Or Jesus. I mean, I can take this as far as you’ll let me. This is a no holds barred Christmas-ruining extravaganza. And, of course, a broken microwave or a Power Glove or the controller part of a broken multi-speed vibrating egg or something. I mean, you’re guaranteed SOME kind of electronic device or combination of electronic devices of at least SOME monetary value. I Promise.
Paying a Craigslist or eBay scammer/scalper for a Wii or PS3 only ruins your Christmas in kind of an implicit _financial_ way. BORING and VAGUE and INDIRECT. Why settle for less? I can give you an electric drill, or some blown-out speakers, or maybe a digital watch, and a completely horrible experience – GUARANTEED – for you and your family this holiday season. Don’t only _partially_ screw yourself over!
I take Paypal or cash, or you could just follow me around while I shop for things, like, the afternoon before I come over and you could put it all on your credit card or something.
Good luck, and happy hunting!
How long do you think it’ll be before this gets flagged down?
Edit: Bahaha, a whole hour. Reposting, with the following at the top of the ad:
I AM TOTALLY SELLING SOMETHING FOR REALS HERE, PEOPLE. DO NOT FLAG THIS DOWN AGAIN. I’M WORKING JUST AS HARD AS YOU ARE, AND YOU DO NOT HAVE A MONOPOLY ON CHRISTMAS-RUINING.