So, even though the author is trolling when she writes this article, and I promised I’d steer clear of the Patriarchy-Blaming Crowd, I have the following response:
A woman telling another woman she can’t enjoy giving a blowjob is like a man telling another man he can’t cry or he’s a pussy, or that he’s gay if he uses moisturizer. (It’s interesting that both hyper-masculinity and fundamental feminism both seem at times to revolve around the same concept of trying at all costs to avoid seeming feminine.)
And saying there’s no such thing as an aggressive woman, only a woman pretending to be a man is like saying there’s no such thing as a black man with a job, only a black man pretending to be a white man. Stereotypes about women by women are still stereotypes about women. It’s kind of troubling that I–someone who has been repeatedly called an “anti-feminist” by this crowd–give women far more credit with, for instance, regard to intellect and free will (e.g. they are capable of doing things because of personal volition, not because they are simply mindless tools of men) than people who claim so hard to be feminist.
If you want to win a war against discrimination, you might not want to use discrimination to do it. Even if you defeat the initial discrimination, how are you going to disarm your own?
Also, you might want to rethink your strategy if its fundamental component is “You ought to be ashamed of yourself because of a quality you were born with that is beyond your control, regardless of who you are on the inside.” So many bad things have happened throughout history that have started with that attitude that I don’t think it’s one anyone ought to adopt for any purpose.
Of course, in all seriousness, and political philosophy aside, I wish Twisty an expeditious recovery from cancer, completely devoid of any and all physiological and psychological hardship. Good luck.
THANK YOU. As one of the commenters who was called a “brainwashed sexbot” for admitting my (GASP) enjoyment of giving blowjobs, I must bow down to your eloquent response to this topic.
I am proud of my feminist beliefs, and I HATE it when someone tells me, or implies, that I am somehow “not feminist enough” because I wear makeup/like porn/am not a lesbian/insert conditional activity here.
It’s interesting that both hyper-masculinity and fundamental feminism both seem at times to revolve around the same concept of trying at all costs to avoid seeming feminine.
This is one of the best analyses of both machismo and “judgmental feminism” that I’ve ever seen. Again, all I can say is THANK YOU.
Hey! Thanks for your feedback. It is very much appreciated.
I’ve noticed this is a particular school of feminism that, while definitely a tiny minority of feminism as a whole, seems to have somehow made itself into a very vocal position on the Internet. As Janet (my significant other) points out, if one finds themselves belonging to a school of feminism, they’re probably doing it wrong.
It’s like the liberal flavor of fundamentalism–switch their cue cards, so to speak, with the conservative fundamentalists and they’d sound roughly the same. One would hope that the Patriarchy could actually be defeated without having to resort to the same tactics.
Anyway, thanks again for your feedback. Heh, unfortunately, I feel I’ll probably just end up being called anti-feminist again by this crowd. But whatever.
Thank you – I agree with every word.
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Re: “avoiding seeming feminine” – What is “feminine”? I believe it has been different things for different cultures. I don’t deny the presence of patriarchy for many parts of human history, but I’d like to believe my hypothesis that, since most humans have lived in either hunting-gathering cultures and/or tribal villages practicing small-plot agriculture, many of those cultures have honored the fact that women contribute equally to the survival of the community, and also are seen as Life-Givers, due to giving birth. Having been isolated from American mass media, and growing up in a remote tribal-type community of families in a herding/small-plot agriculture cooperative, women did all the same work as men, including religious and township leader; jobs were interchangeable as needed, and everyone, including children were honored for their contributions to the community, and were encouraged in individual special talents in all crafts and arts. Unique combo of native American and Scandinavian values (& intermarried families) in a lucky geography, I’m thinking.
I’ve heard this Andrea Dworkin-esque anti-female heterosexuality bullshit before and yes, I resent the hell out of any woman who says that I’m brainwashed for having sex with men. I love my boyfriend, we’re getting married, and I love going down on him. What I would not love is a lesbian showing up at my door and demanding that I have sex with another woman. That would be scary. I don’t want to have sex with women, I want to have sex with men. I don’t want to live without sex or be told what I can and cannot enjoy in the bedroom. Seriously – to the fundamentalist femminists and the fundamentalist Christians – mind your own fucking business!
Shouldn’t the goal be avoiding coercion? Shouldn’t the means be encouraging people to determine what they themselves enjoy and having the self-respect to set their own limits? Shouldn’t activities deemed by some as ‘icky’ seem like the issue of personal taste it is, instead of grounds for wackjobs to proscribe or condemn those activities that other consenting adults enjoy because their tastes are different?
I’ve lived almost a third of my life overseas, and since the age of 14 have found myself trying to explain the wackiness of America to baffled citizens of other countries. Lately, my explanation has been, “Sometimes total insanity makes people loud. And contagious. Happily, some of us are immune.”
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