It’s about time the Bush administration and Republicans stood up about this illegal immigration issue. These illegal aliens have been taking our jobs for far too long. There’s this job mowing lawns for less than minimum wage that I’ve had my eye on for a while, and Janet’s really been wanting to wipe someone’s grandmother’s ass for six dollars an hour, and we just haven’t been able to do it because of all these damn Mexicans sneaking over the border and grabbing them out from under us.
A letter from a listener was read on NPR the other day, talking about how illegal immigrants are taking away entry-level jobs from kids getting out of college. Bravo, sir! Never have truer words been spoken! There is absolutely nothing more that college students want to do after graduation than stand on the highway selling flowers and oranges. Yet, all I see are these hispanic families doing it, and whenever I ask them for college degrees and proof of citizenship when I’m considering making a purchase, why, they barely even speak enough English to understand what I’m asking for! There are plenty of other spots on these roads for our young men and women to stand, selling flowers and oranges of their own, but this whole illegal immigration thing has just taken away all their motivation and initiative. It’s destroying the morale of our workforce. How are they ever going to pay off their student loans if they can’t get sub-minimum-wage jobs doing humiliating things? And how is our economy ever going to thrive if illegal aliens are coming in and taking these horrible jobs away from legal American workers?
And this has absolutely nothing to do, by the way, with poor economic strategies that force people who are overqualified to take jobs that are far beneath them, or that force college graduates to take temp jobs doing data entry, thus forcing the people who are actually qualified for those jobs or who lack the education to do anything better into unemployment because people with better qualifications are having to settle for the shitty jobs that they could have. Why, that’s just ludicrous!
As is the idea that it’s somehow a “bad thing” with “a negative impact on our economy” that “harms our workforce” to allow companies to outsource labor to countries with lower standards of living, where the people there are willing to work for a tiny fraction of what the average American would need merely to survive, let alone prosper. Who came up with that stupid argument? And even if it were true, I mean, the neoconservatives’ theory (which I also heard from a caller on NPR a couple weeks ago) is right: American workers should stop whining about these petty things like being able to afford houses and medicine and education for their children, and should compete with workers overseas. Want to keep your job? Vote to decrease the minimum wage in this country! Offer to work for fifty cents less an hour than them! It’s the Income Limbo: How low can you go, America?
But, no, that’s not the problem either. Nor are tax returns that mostly benefit the rich while starving the government of money it needs for things like, say, making sure our troops have adequate equipment and support. It’s all Mexicans sneaking over our borders and taking away jobs that nobody else is really willing to do, for disgustingly little pay. Duhh! Oh, and while we’re on the subject, it’s absolutely fine for American employers to take advantage of illegal immigrants by making them work for very little pay with horrible hours and abusive and nasty conditions since there’s no legal recourse available to them to do anything about it. It’s only bad that illegal immigrants are coming here. There’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of them, because, y’know, Capitalism rocks and there should be no regulation at all on business, and employers should be applauded for taking advantage of these money-saving opportunities available to them, and all of that.
So we all need to just listen to the Republicans on this, because they have the answers. Just like with Iraq. And Katrina. And Rita. And Terri Schiavo. And the economy. And Iran. And North Korea. And actually finding Osama Bin Laden. And sweatshops and forced prostitution and abortions in Saipan. And gay marriage. And…