Any legislation to ban gay marriage should include clauses that prevent anyone from getting married unless they have full documented approval of the parents of both the bride and the groom, based on “honor thy father and mother”. They should also add in a law abolishing the right to change one’s name, based on the same biblical principle. Your parents gave you that name, and if you change it, you’re not honoring their wishes!

They don’t have a monopoly on taking phrases from the Bible and stretching them to grotesque extremes. Let’s toss it right back in their faces. The next time they get a proposal to ban gay marriage onto the ballot, let’s try to get an equally ridiculous religious-based proposal on as well. Or, if possible, tack on the aforementioned “parental clause” to the gay marriage proposal itself.

So, what’s more important to you? Allowing factories to cheaply create surpluses of goods that will probably never be sold, or grandchildren?

AMERICA HAS SPOKEN! “My limousine made out of eight sliced-up and pieced-together Hummers gets four gallons per mile! Fuck you, atmosphere!”

Ladies and gentlemen, my impersonation of Illinois Senator Dick Durbin:

*ahem*

“You know, I think Star Wars, Episodes I and II weren’t very good films. Some of the acting was a little stilted, and the writing was terrible. Come on, ‘you are not like sand’? What is that? Know what was a much better movie that I’ve seen recently? Max, starring John Cusack.”

Some time later…

“Some believe I have crossed the line with my words regarding Mr. Lucas’ film. It is to them–and to Mr. Lucas himself–I extend my heartfelt apologies. It was shameful of me to ever compare anything to a movie about Adolf Hitler, and I’m sorry. I meant no disrespect to Ms. Portman or Mr. Christensen. They’re… they’re the best. (Trails off into sniffles and weeping.)“

I heard Michael Jackson got off on all charges. Also, I guess the jury found him innocent.

*budump-tchhhhkk*

(I thought that up about twenty minutes ago, after hearing the verdict. I have nothing more to say on this because this shit’s already gotten far more air time than it deserves.)

What makes you think God hasn’t already come and taken his “chosen people” away? Hey–remember that tsunami that wiped out all those people? Maybe they were those “chosen ones”. I mean, the Bible says only, what, about 250,000 will get into heaven, right? (If you disagree with that figure, I thought God never changes his mind.) Well, how many are projected to be dead from the tsunami? Oh, but it couldn’t have been them, right? They were mostly Arab heathens, right? Well, uh, why do you think you’re still here? Maybe you were the ones who had it wrong, and your thinking that they did is just illustrative of how off the mark you were.

I mean, I’m not saying that’s what happened of course, but how can you be so sure it all hasn’t already happened and nobody noticed? God’s all powerful, right? He could do that.

And what makes you think you’re going to get in to heaven anyway? As rigid and petty as God is painted to be, there’s definitely going to be something you’ve done to keep you out.

Perhaps this is already hell. After all, what would be a better punishment than making people wait for eternity for a salvation that will never come? And if this is, in fact, hell, I don’t think it’s really all that bad, other than people’s generally shitty attitudes. Maybe God intended hell to be just this humdrum place with all the leftovers after he took away his chosen people, and we’re left to be responsible for how torturous it becomes. So, you know, with all the global warming and everything, maybe this will actually become a burning wasteland after all.

Or maybe that’s the real test: how responsible we are with what God has given us. Maybe heaven or hell is what we ultimately make this world to be. Wouldn’t THAT be a deliciously subtle battle between good and evil, huh? Eventually the planet’s going to heat up by about twenty degrees, and THEN God’s going to come down and say, “so it’s hell you want, eh? Okay, so be it!” And then we all burn in our masterful environmental creation, here, for all eternity.

But then again, I’m not a religious man, so what do I know?

What makes you so sure you haven’t already been tricked by Satan into believing something contrary to God? What if what you’re currently doing is all the result of the devil’s orchestrations? He is, after all, reported to be very crafty and resourceful. And how can you be so sure you’re not under the influence of demons–demons crafty and resourceful like their master–who make you believe you’re doing what God wants you to do, when you’re really serving Satan?

“The Bible,” you might say. “The Bible tells me what God wants me to do.” Of course, the most sinister way for a devil to strike would be to make subtle little alterations to what people believe to be the written Word of God. Make the changes early enough, and after hundreds or thousands of years, they’ll be passed on and propogated to everyone. After all, how many of you have actually read directly from the original Bible? (Hint: I don’t think they had printing presses back then to make the copies you’re reading now.) You think people can’t make changes to the Bible? Not without being expelled from the “Book of Life”, according to Revelations. But what would Satan really have to lose in that exchange?

And what if God himself was trying to tell you, from outside your faith, that you were getting things so very wrong, but you were rejecting him because you’re too devoted to your beliefs and not to him?