Campaign Slogans

Franklin Roosevelt once said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

I think the Bush administration, built upon a campaign of fear, should use something similar, modified to reflect their own messages and intentions:

“The only thing we have to fear is, well… terrorism, Muslims and other non-Christians, death, being taxed appropriately according to our level of income, fags, friends of fags, choice, change, butter, influenza vaccine shortages, Iraqi insurgents, the number seven, germs, Mad Cow Disease in our beef supply, Iran, riding on commercial airplanes, abortions, rationality, South Korea, poison in our water supply, cheese imported from France, people living in any other country, things that explode, aliens!, sin, wood with unusual grain patterns, nuclear weapons, cats, weapons of mass destruction, poor people, box cutters, Al Franken, missiles fired over the north pole, questions, vegetarians, fairness, the devil, communists, socialists, minorities, things that are effeminate, the zombie corpse of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, lead paint, immigrants, aluminum tubes, cancer, chronic diarrhea, coat hangers, conditionality and contextual circumstances, anything that cannot be easily broken down into a simple but inaccurate duality, getting AIDS from someone’s sweat or tears, hipsters, and whatever else we manage to think of over the next four years.”

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