Chick Dissection | Dark Dungeons

What happens when teenagers gather (with some odd older woman called “Ms. Frost”) to evilly roll dice and evilly battle imaginary ogres? In this, the first of the Chick Dissections, Jack illustrates his ignorance of RPGs like Dungeons and Dragons much better than he does his comics.


Spoooky.

The dialog, as anyone who’s ever played an RPG can tell you, is obviously written by someone whose only experience with the game was peeking longingly through a window while quietly sobbing. As many of you can probably tell, “Dark Dungeons” is Jack Chick’s name for “Dungeons and Dragons”. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s what’s called a ‘role-playing game’ in which people make up characters and pretend their way through assortments of scenarios usually conceived and administered by the “Dungeon Master”, a person who basically functions as a referee for the game. Characters are provided with a storyline chain of different situations by the “Dungeon Master” usually involving epic journeys and battles with monsters. The reason these religious types are up in arms about “Dungeons and Dragons” (and Magic: The Gathering and Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings and Wendy the Witch, and etc. etc. etc.) is because of the fact that it deals with magic and witchery. See, apparently religious fanatics have trouble drawing lines between fantasy and reality and believe that everyone else suffers from the same affliction. They feel that just because people are pretending that they’re using magic that they’ll become evil and that they’re joining a cult that will give them superpowers.

Anyway, back to the panel, usually the characters have names and you don’t have to address the DM, or “Dungeon Master”, as such for every action you take. I’m sure he’s just setting up the characters, but as you’ll read on you’ll see that he has about as much experience with “Dungeons and Dragons” as I do giving myself abortions.

“No! You can’t do this to me!” *Vvvvvvvvvvvv* Apparently whenever Marcy loses at a game, she turns into her own little earthquake or a human vibrator.

Usually you roll a numerous-sided die to determine what happens for different encounters and traps and situations and things. Also, there are spells the other players can use to bring your character back to life.

People don’t usually act like this girl does, either. Sure, when I was about maybe ten years old or so I’d get pissed off whenever I’d fall into a pit while playing Super Mario Bros., but I knew it was just a game. Whenever I lose at something like a video game, I’m really more upset about the effort and time that I put into it that I can never get back only to fail and end up where I was when I started.

Just about everyone who plays D&D realizes that it’s just a game. Sure, it sucks when you get killed but not any more than it does when you end up having to fork over a thousand dollars for rent when you land on Boardwalk with a hotel.

Yes, you’ve pretended to be a wizard for so long that now you can actually be one! That’s right, kids, all you have to do is pretend to be something for a while and, like magic, it will become reality! Hrmmm… maybe if I pretend to be a girl for a few weeks, I can sneak into the locker rooms of college cheerleaders. Why wasn’t I aware of this back in high school?

“You’re going to teach me to have the real power?” Okay, does black magic really work? Sure, there are neat “supernatural” things that happen sometimes, but usually a perfectly reasonable explanation is available. For instance, some people who claim to be “psychic” often just exhibit a proficiency in pattern recognition. But are a bunch of teenage girls wearing robes drinking each others’ blood really granted some kind of super power over other people? If so, why haven’t any of us seen it?

Oh, cool. I never knew the occult was based on twenty-sided die and subtracting hit points. “Make a roll to see if you summon the Dread Cthulhu to devour the families of those kids who beat you up last week at the football game!”

Hah! Intense occult training. “Where are the Cheetos! Where’s the Mountain Dew? I cast Magic Missile at the darkness!” Get back to me, Jack, when you know what, exactly, in the fuck you’re talking about. My own personal experience with D&D is sitting in my living room with a couple of my friends joking around and half-watching TV while killing the infestation of spiders that came after my mom cleaned the basement. Boy, if that’s not “intense occult training”, I sure don’t know what is. In fact, I think that made me at least OT-3 in Scientology.

“Elfstar” Does she have a real name? I mean, you’d have to be one pretty fucked up individual to use your D&D character name in real life. Chick’s portrayal of these D&D players is that of a group of extremely immature teenagers who have some kind of debilitating array of psychotic disorders preventing them from telling the difference between reality and fantasy.

Whuh? So they’re going to accept her just like that, no questions asked? Boy, it sure is easy to join a cult these days. “I play D&D.” “Okay, you’re in!”

I’m getting a weird vibe about the fact that this group of kids plays D&D with this weird older woman whom they refer to as “Ms. Frost”.

I wonder how many real people who play D&D have the game become “real” for them. Probably the same people who are strapped to a bed in the psych ward of their local hospital screaming “You gave me the power to fly!” at the ceiling. I sure wish I could get some kind of “real” power from playing a game. It’d be awesome to, say, grow to twice my size by eating mushrooms. Not to mention the usefulness of a real-life application of the Konami code.

“I knew you were ready by the way you played the game.” Hah. “You’re a pro at rolling 20-sided dice, man. And your fabricated imaginary dragon slaying? Incredible. And you barely lose any hit points! You are so ready to be a witch. You’ve got your wrist motion down perfectly.”

“Which spell did you cast, Debbie?” “The one that gives me a minor stroke that makes half of my face and body cripple up.” It looks like someone’s scratching the top of her sinus cavity with a chopstick up her nostril.

Mind bondage spell. “I got a bad grade in English, so I cast Fire 3 on my principal.” “My little brother was giving me a lot of shit, so I pulled out a Scroll of Lightning Bolt and made him totally regret it.” Pfft.

“What was the result?” Oh, absolutely nothing because MAGIC DOESN’T WORK IN REAL LIFE! Does Chick really think it does? When I was a young, impressionable kid, I used to try casting spells on people I didn’t like. Never worked. I suppose that was before I ever played D&D, so maybe I just didn’t have the real power yet.

What the hell is she, their live-in wiccan? “This is Ms. Frost. She lives with us and casts spells on all the boys who say my chest is flat.”

“I can’t, I’m fighting the zombie. By myself. With no DM.” I’m still trying to figure this one out. You can’t play D&D by yourself, it just doesn’t work. “I’m just gonna get out my character sheet and fight a random monster, I guess.” Or perhaps “fighting the zombie” is just a euphemism for masturbation.

Is… is that Ana Gasteyer from SNL?

“Ever since her character in the game got killed, it’s as though a part of her died.” Because we all know you can’t make up another character sheet or have someone else in the game revive you. Sheese, nobody’s this pathetic, immature or dependent on the game. I love how Chick makes his characters totally unbelievable to cover for his lack of ability to hold up an argument with actual logic.

Here’s my Jack Chick impersonation: “Look at me! I’m Jack Chick! I can’t make a valid argument using logic or reason so I have to make the characters who are in opposition to my side of the argument seem like weak-minded little assholes so that people associate those characteristics with that side of the issue! I also twist things around and give the characters unbelievably extreme negative traits so that I can try to make a point using not real reality, but a stupid, twisted, inaccurate account of reality because that’s the only place any of my points will ever really be true! Nyuuuugh!”

No, but we’re all glad she did.

Hey, look! She’s still vibrating! I think she was the one with the real super powers. Sure, Elfstar can cast ‘mind bondage’ on her dad and get 200 bucks worth of D&D stuff, but Marcie can become her own little earthquake.

I love the D&D paraphernalia laying about. “She loved that dragon so much…”

Oh, well. No big loss, here. She was incredibly immature and weak and dependent on a fantasy game. Also: stupid. Quick tip for any authors or artists or what-have-you: If you want to make a character’s death emotional and impacting on the reader, you have to make the character a) believable and b) likeable.

This suicide note makes not even the slightest damned bit of sense. Fictional characters cannot really ‘die’. D&D characters cannot really ‘die’. Did it ever occur to her to make another D&D character? She could even use the name and characteristics of “Black Leaf” if she wanted to.

How would she be facing life alone? She obviously had some kind of severe mental disorder, so the cause of her suicide can’t really be blamed on D&D. Someone that emotionally unstable is at risk of attempting suicide because of something as simple as someone eating one of their Twinkies, so I don’t really think that the fact that her character ‘died’ is the main contributing factor in her decision to end her own life.

Huh. That’s funny. I’m finding it quite easy to rid my mind of her. And, no, if you left the game, she’d probably still have committed suicide because someone would’ve changed the channel on her favorite TV show or something.

Hrmmmm… ‘spiritual growth’ through D&D. How does that work? “I slayed an imaginary ogre, therefore I’m closer to the dark god!”

I kinda agree with Ms. Frost, here, on this one. I think it’s more important to go about your business and tend to your own survival and life than to constantly babysit some incredibly fragile girl who’ll attempt suicide at the drop of a hat. If she’s gonna be like that, then why bother trying to stop her?

Wait wait wait wait… because her character was weak? It wasn’t her character’s weakness that caused her suicide, it was her own weakness as a person. And I agree that she’d have taken her own life eventually. Someone would’ve forgotten to feed her goldfish and her head would’ve been right in that gas oven.

It wasn’t you who harmed Marcie. She was a fucking idiot who couldn’t handle a simple game. She’d have reacted the same if you’d have bumped her back in “Sorry”. Don’t blame yourself, kid. Blame Marcie’s rampant psychotic illness.

“What have I gotten myself into? I don’t like my live-in wiccan anymore.”

Okay, I’m getting confused. If Debbie is Elfstar, is she like the Hulk or something? Does she somehow mutate into Elfstar? “Debbie is believed to be lame… and she must let the world think that she is lame… until she can find a way to control the retarded spirit that dwells within her.”

Honestly, who confuses their identity with a character from a game? “Oh, look! I’m Mario! Hey-a every-a-body-a! It’s-a me-a!”

She’d rather be Debbie, but I’d rather do Elfstar.

Oh, here comes the good, wholesome, righteous Christian savior to… wait… did she just call him an SOB or is that some kind of sound effect inexplicably placed inside a speech bubble? “Hey, Debbie. What’s wrong? Can I help?” “I thought I had all the answers but now my life is falling apart. …You son of a bitch.” I don’t know about you, but I usually don’t say “sob” whenever I actually sob.

Jesus is the only answer. To what? Role-playing games? “We’re gonna play D&D, wanna join us?” “Naah, I think I’ll just sit over here and pretend to be Jesus for a couple of hours instead. Thanks anyway, though, guys!”

“I’ve been praying and fasting for you.” And we all know how great that works. She didn’t even know he was doing it until he told her, so it couldn’t have had that dramatic of an effect on her life.

“Why would you do that for me?” Yeah, why would you do that for her? You seem like a very inconsequential character. This is your first appearance in the tract, so you two couldn’t have been that close. “There’s this girl at school and I think she’s joining a cult, so I’m not gonna eat for a week.”

Also, I don’t know if he realizes this or not, but Chick is almost implying that this ‘witchery’ that Debbie is involved… er… no wait. Elfstar is invol… or is it Debbie now? Whoever the fuck this girl is… Debbie/Elfstar… is involved in is more powerful than prayer and fasting. Can Debbie get her dad to fork over 200 bucks for stuff she wants through prayer? I think not! Debbie’s “magic” had significant tangible effects. This kid’s prayer and fasting obviously did absolutely nothing for anyone.

It sort of raises an interesting question: What if black magic was, in fact, real to the point where one could actually cast D&D spells in real life and someone decided to use it to cure the sick? Now: are they evil for using magic or good for using it in a good way? And don’t go giving me that fundie bullshit about how “there can be no good wizards” because there can be. If you believe D&D is real, then you have to believe that all of it is real, so there can be both good and bad wizards. Would I be evil if I used “magic” to cure the sick? I mean, it obviously has a quicker, greater effect than prayer and fasting, so why not?

“What can I do?” “Well, you can come with me to a meeting this afternoon and join a different cult!”

Is his spine exploding or did he just walk through some kind of inter-dimensional portal?

“The speaker came out of witchcraft and he knows what you’re up against.” But Jack Chick sure the hell doesn’t have any clue about any of it. I’d really like for someone to logically– and that’s a key word, there: “logically”– explain to me the link between playing D&D and joining some kind of witches coven. This entire thing hasn’t made any sense to me at all yet.

Mmmmmm, dungeon of bondage. Where can I get me one of those?

“But Jesus came that you might have life and that more abundantly.” That more abundantly what? And we only might have life? Maybe we have to make a roll for it. “Roll the 1d6 to see if you have life.” Maybe dice have the real power after all.

<PeterGriffin&gt EHEHEHEHEHEHEHE… “came”… EHEHEHEHEHEHE… </PeterGriffin&gt

Bahahaha occult paraphernalia… “rock music”… “dungeons and dragons”… “charms”… er… wait. Charms? You mean we have to give up our Blo-Pops, too? Damn you, God!

Burn them! That’s right, don’t sell them! Instead, why don’t you just throw away the hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise you’ve purchased over the past several years of your life? And now he actually attacks “Dungeons and Dragons” instead of just calling it “Dark Dungeons”. I’d really like to see the link between “the occult” and “rock music”, though. “It’s the beat! I can’t believe they’re getting away with drumming like that! Cover your ears, kids! The rhythm is gonna get you!”

Is this guy supposed to be one of the Jackson brothers?

Her life is a mess. See? Do you see what dice-rolling can do to someone?

The woman on the left is checking out her ass, the guy on the right’s looking at her rack.

*WARNING: Having one of the Jackson brothers order spirits out of your body will not actually get rid of a spiritual infestation.

Apparently the lower spine is one of the main exit routes for “spirits of the occult”. I really get a kick out of how all of these spectres and ghouls are magically leaving her body. “I was possessed by D&D!”

Okay, this panel contradicts itself. If someone is “in charge of everything” you do, then that’s not “liberty” like the passages from the Bible at the bottom of the page describe. “I’m free! But someone else makes all of my decisions for me and tells me what to do.”

Hrm. Okay, I’ve looked at D&D manuals before… I have friends who’ve read almost every single one of them… but I don’t remember any given point in time where my friends or I looked to them as a guide to life. You’d have to be one pretty sad individual to let a D&D manual be “in charge of everything”. Unless, of course, there was some kind of ogre infestation or something. Then it’d be really useful. “Oh, shit! What do I do if there’s a group of ogres banging down my door? How many hit points do they have? How does this enchanted knife with +3 against ogres work?” Other than that, though, I can’t really see any kind of logical or useful real-life application of anything contained within a D&D manual.

Hah. “Filth of satan”. “Goddamn you, character sheet! You stole my innocence and love of god with your listing of my hit points, charisma, intelligence, strength and inventory! And you! Twenty-sided die! May you rot in hell for all eternity for your luring me into temptation by figuring out how much damage I do in pretend battle to imaginary monsters!” Give me a fucking break.

I bet Debbie’s daddy is standing next to the fire in tears over the two hundred dollars of his that was just tossed into it. Maybe that’ll teach him to start wearing his “skull cap of clear thought” with +5 against mind bondage spells a little more often.


So as you can see, Jack Chick has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about. “Intense occult training!” That makes me laugh harder the more I think about it.

I can’t believe someone could be so stupid, really. It hurts my head. How the hell is rolling dice to play a game of pretend and determine whether or not you slay the imaginary ogre related in any way to the occult and black magic ritual? *Sigh*

Someone asked me “Proving [Jack Chick] wrong? Don’t you mean you’re countering his opinion? Everyone has a right to their own opinion.” But Jack Chick has no opinions. He’s not saying “I think D&D is evil”, he’s saying “D&D will turn your children against Jesus and make them believe in the occult.” This is obviously demonstrably untrue, given the ample evidence in the world around us. So, no, I’m not “countering his opinion”, I am indeed “proving him wrong”. There’s an important difference, and all opinions are not equal. Douglas Adams, in an interview, phrased this “opinion inequality” argument much better than I can. Google for it.

Until next time, kids.



All images Copyright 2002 Chick Publications, Inc. All Rights Reserved

83 thoughts on “Chick Dissection | Dark Dungeons

  1. Jack Chick is a total RELIGOUS BRAINWASHING JACKASS! He believes no one should be allowed to have any fun whatsoever! Especially if you’re a christian. D&D is evil, rock/metal(especially christian) is evil, going to parties and dancing it’s soooooooooo sinful and wrong. What LOAD OF RELIGOUS BULLSHIT this guy is full of!

  2. “DARK DUNGEONS� Review by “Terrible Tommy� Murray

    If you’ve hit the Chick Museum’s link, you’ve probably read the MST3K satire of this classic Chick-let, slamming that tool of Satanic Wiccan Catholicism, Dungeons and Dragons™ and, by implication, ALL role-playing games. The folks who do MST3K are very familiar with D & D, as most Protestants are not, including our wonderful friends at the Chick Museum, who, other then knott speling wurth sheyit, do exemplary work. Just let the drug-crazed Wiccan who’s played D & D since the Sucky 70’s clue y’all into a few overlooked things in “Dark Dungeons� and other Chickery. (Chickcraft? Chickcca?)
    First of all, let’s consider the witness of JTC himself:
    First, Black Leaf dies and Marcie freaks:

    Then Debbie comes to visit, only to find that Marcie has committed suicide; we don’t get to see Marcie’s full-gainer-by-angel into the Lake O’ Fire, but you can bet it’s there. This is a CHICK Tract, remember.

    First of all, dying in D & D is a part of existence: We have Debbie’s character—as the MST gang notes, a cleric named “Wizardâ€? (Tommy: “???!!â€?)—and one of the many cool magical things clerics are especially good at is called “Resurrection.â€? That’s raising the dead; you know, like Jesus? (Any imitation of Christ’s powers without ritually kissing Christ’s anus is much screamed over by Jack in his tirades against Role-Playing Games, Resurrection spells included.)
    If Debbie was such a good player, why didn’t she simply access the clerical miracle of Resurrection, or use her priestly connections to have it done? Also, if Mrs. Frost is worth diddly as a DM, the party should have at least ONE Potion of Healing, Ring of Holding with a Lesser Wish or other artifact won in past games that would have served to resurrect Black Leaf. Furthermore, Mrs. Frost could simply have engineered the “coincidental� appearance of clerical non-players characters with powers or artifacts (enough to Raise The Dead, at least.)
    And if worse comes to worst, Marcie could have easily done what me and a billion RPG aficionados have always done in such situations: Either roll up a new character who “stumbles� across the party; or, conversely, “Black Leaf� becomes “’Blue’ Leaf,� Black Leaf’s long-lost identical cousin who stumbles across the party just in time to mourn her cousin, gather up all her stuff and join the quest. A few seconds to write in the new name on the old character sheet and Marcie doesn’t need to swing.
    Furthermore, if a demented Heathen (capitol-H, arseface!) like Terrible Tommy is DM’ing the game, you can bet that it wouldn’t be more than three hours, game time, (i.e., five minutes, real time) before the party would encounter the stinking, maggot-crawling undead remains of Marcie’s character, now called “Dead Leaf,� either a zombie, ghoul, vampire or demon-possessed barrow wight. (Marcie would probably have flung herself in front of a truck over that one!)
    A much more typical reaction to death in D & D can be found in the hilarious comic spoof of RPG-fanaticism, “Dork Tower� by John Kovalic. In this excellent comic, the players regularly torture the poor DM by hurling themselves into hopeless, pre-doomed assaults on much bigger, badder foes, joyfully stumbling into death traps like eagerly grabbing “The Gem of Obvious Self-destruction� and beginning their sojourn into the DM’s hard thought-out adaptation of The Lord of the Rings by killing Gandalf and Frodo in the first seven minutes.
    In one episode, Matt, the DM, regretfully tells Igor, a player, that his character has died. Igor reacts to this news by—going home and despondently hanging himself? HELL, no: Igor goes into an ecstatic dance, singing a take-off on “The Monster Mash:â€?
    “His brain was mashed
    It was a MONSTER MASH
    His life was snatched
    Oh, it was really scratched!
    His spine was smashed
    He’s in a graveyard, natch!
    Ha ha ha haaah! Yesss! See ya, LOOOOOSER!�
    Whereupon Igor happily begins rolling up another character while Matt comments: “The Grim Reaper kinda loses his sting when he claims a low-stat character you’ve been stuck with, doesn’t he?�
    THIS attitude is a much more realistic reaction to death in D & D, not the ongoing Protestant paranoiac fantasy of Chickworld (Hey! Great idea for a new D & D module: “Chickworld,� where Witches and Methodists are hung from trees and girls that don’t bleed on their wedding night get beat to death with rocks. Guillotines on ice-cream trucks, demons on Rock CD’s and a worldwide, almost inhuman, Catholic control conspiracy that really IS out to get you! Vampires popping up at Macdonald’s, werewolves at Baskin-Robbins and every Catholic Church will have its own continuous thunderstorm, full of demonic shadows. HEY! Hands off: I thought of it FIRST!)
    Anyway, Marcie’s reaction is extremely unrealistic and reflects Mr. Chick’s willful ignorance of the game and the people who play it.
    Terrible Tommy’s terrible Gripe No. 2: Marcie plays D & D so well, she becomes a full-fledged Priestess of Diana and member of the Craft of Wicca under her D & D character’s name. Let me make just one comment: WHAT???!!
    “You are a whiz at checkers, Jethro, so now you are a Presbyterian, a vice-president in the Rotarians and an Eagle Scout with a PhD in English Literature� makes just as much sense. To be any kind of Wiccan Priestess takes (like the Jedi) the most serious purpose and YEARS, nay, DECADES and LIFETIMES of study and real work (planting corn, milking cows, slaughtering goats and plucking chickens, not to mention raising a family in the Craft in darkest Christian America, no easy task.) I didn’t see Debbie do anything but hang around playing D & D.
    Tell one of MY Wiccan Mambos that you are now a Third Degree High Priestess because of your diligent RPG playing. Go ahead, tell them. See how many times they murder you in seven minutes. Call me so I can watch.
    Another Chick/D & D interaction that you guys missed is how many times various Monsters in a JTC tract are portrayed, line for line, with some creature straight from the TSR manual. How does Jack get away with this? And notice: Jack doesn’t follow the AD & D rulebooks AT ALL! If anything, JTC goes out of his way to “prove� that Dungeons and Dragons™ is a Satanic Catholic plot and only St. Chick knows the truth.
    In “Satan’s Master� for example, Jack rips off one of the lesser demon princes to be his Satan: Apparently, this character (whose name was some ridiculous agglomeration of letters like “Balferzaz�) really scared the poop out of Chick, as opposed to the classic AD & D Lord of Evil, Asmodeus, who looks like some debonair gentleman, some Hagbard Celine clone, and apparently didn’t produce the same levels of reactionary terror in Mr. Chick’s bowels that Balferzaz had. So the lesser prince gets promoted to Top Dog.
    Also, note the cover: Balferzaz or whatever is sweating and looking fearful, JTC sweat drops and all. Jack is the kind of person who never won a schoolyard fight, but grows up to draw superheroes in response, starring the schoolyard bullies as villains who always get conquered, but never give up. This tract cover is a classic example: Asmodeus and Beelzebub in the Monster Manual apparently didn’t bother Jack a bit, but this sub-sub-demon noble gave him a turn or two. His revenge is this tract.
    [Hey, maybe I can write a song bad enough to make Jack hate ME enough to do a tract on ME! “S’ereh ot ym teews nataS?� Or “Killing Hamsters for the Devil While Sodomizing Light Bulb Sockets?� I’ve got it! “Gonna rock, rock, rock---rock for the rock---embrace me, Love of Death!� I dunno: That song keeps running through my head.]
    Another D & D rip-off is in the same tract: One of the Witches whispers behind the High Priestesses back. A demon sitting on HP’s shoulder relays the dirt to her: Only problem is, the “demon� is actually a creature straight from Monster Manual II (MMII, in geekspeak) called a “stone gargoyle.� While certainly evil, it is considered a non-spiritual, physical entity, which Chick metamorphoses into a made-to-order demon; once again, pulling off a straight-out plagiarism.
    Let’s not even MENTION the dozen or so times that JTC sticks the phrase “Prime Material Plane� into his anti-occult raps (There, see; we didn’t mention it.) This, along with the myth ripped-off from Hislop’s “Two Babylon’s� about Nimrod and Semiramis, marks the mental trail of St. Jack the Tripper quite clearly. If you hear about either concept, you can tell exactly where they came from. [We occult-drenched Voodruid Witches use a lot of words, but “Prime Material Plane� is not one of them.]
    Meanwhile, Chick Publishing screams like the imaginary Catholic goon attacking the Bible Book store if anyone DARES to touch one of his gilded post-scripts to the Gospels, such as Psycho Dave and others. Hypocrisy, thy name is Christian.
    Another rip-off in “Satan’s Master�, non-D & D this time, is the demon “Ri-chan,� one of Dr. “ex-Mrs. Satan� Becky Brown’s obvious names. Forming increasingly wild stories is the stock-in-trade of Chick, Brown and John Todd, who is still in prison for molesting his step-daughter (UGH!) and now claiming to be a “Wiccan� minister. Meanwhile, faithful Jack, as infallible as a Pope, has declared that John has only “back-slidden� and all the “Rev. Lance Todd’s� blithering nonsense is still true.
    As for Todd, just let “Terrible Tommy,� Rock-n-Roll Witch, clue you in: We don’t want him! Stay away from us Wiccans if you ever get out, short eyes. We don’t sacrifice humans, John (Lance?), usually, but we’ll gladly make an exception for you.
    The same ex-cathedra pronouncement of “Factual, because I prayed about it� rests on Dr. Brown’s delusions; and, even though her “block-busting� books flopped like yesterday’s spaghetti for Chick, he still digs into Dr. Brown’s manure heap of non-facts like the old fellow who found the Original Mud Mine.
    One such tidbit is the name “Ri-chan� which gets attached to another ripped-off D & D monster, an actual Demon this time. The name is pure Rebecca Brown exorcism gibberish. I kept expecting to hear about the demons “Ging-gong� “Uu-uu� and “Fooble-ook,� a flying alligator, a hippo with tentacles and a mouse with a gorilla head, respectively. Such gobs of morphemes attached to dream chimeras composed of scrambled body parts are typical of Brown’s ever-increasing dictionary of cast-out demons. Mix them with Carter’s excellent art (well, it IS!), the MMII and Mr. Chick’s fevered-but-fertile imagination and WATCH OUT!
    Then consider “The Hunter.â€? Since every drug of any sort is just a substitute for Jesus, the rampant hysteria of the “Hunterâ€? gets so wild—and I would still vote that JTC honestly, truthfully believes every single malodorous morsel thereof—that you start having to wonder if Jack has some form of mental condition (obvious, but way too simple); or if, conversely, “M.I.B.â€? is for real and some over-evolved Chaotic Neutral? (Evil?) orange cephalopodan slug is sitting in a little control booth in Jack Thomas Chick’s head, doing awful things to the human monkeys, at least as far as their sciences are concerned (Thank you, Creationism, thanks a Monkey’s Coitus!) Or, conversely, his REAL masters, The “Union of Girl Scouts, Jesuits-who-hate-Jesus-and-worship-Satan, Yeti people and Insurance Salesmanâ€? program him by microwave from afar.
    Either that, or simple human stupidity, explain why, in the rapturously-insane “Hunter,� our man Jack takes a Lawful Good critter from MMII in the form of a demi-divine being named a “Solar� (I think it was called), except this is a JACK CHICK Solar: He’s got leathery bat wings (which, like horns, to us Pagans, signifies divinity, but to Jack’s helically contiguous mind [insult intended], these black Hell-o-wings are scary) and the mace Solars carry to protect and defend, Jack turned into an instrument of punishment for those not getting their quota in souls.
    Here, again, are the “minds� of Jack Chick, John Todd, Mike Warnke (if you want to be honest), Becky Brown and Worm-meat-for-frontal-lobes Schnoeblin: Every Tot and Jittle in this Saliva-fest of Salvation (How GREAT a salivation?) is PURE UNALLOYED GOSPEL to the various sub-sub-splinter sects of Protestant Christianity that mostly purchase, believe and use Jack’s incredibly sordid visions. That’s why this man’s mind can go so far off track and people like the wilder Protestants lap it up as truth while people like us lap it up as art. Jack Chick is, ultimately, his own best customer.

  3. Attacking the Darkness? AFAICT Chick is PART of the Darkness that gires Christianity the black eye it has around he world. Lies, deceptions, and fear are not the tools of Christ.

  4. Jack Chick is full of shit! The man has no right to talk about a subject he doesn’t even know about. He thinks he knows about god, DnD or Wiccanism, but everything I know of him tells me otherwise. God loves everyone, no matter who they are or what they do, DnD is a game, like chess, and I am deeply sorry Chick is incapable of recognizing that, he might as well compare a human to a Fish, Because that’s how much they have in common, NOTHING. And Wicca’s, also Witches, warship the earth, which has nothing to do with Satan, in fact wiccanism is older than Christianity, so if you “rationally think about this” which I know Chick has some problems with, Wicca’s cant be devil worshipers, its a completely different system. Also, I would like to thank the author of this review, you did a great job.

  5. Actually, you can get another good look at overacting to a character’s death in the comic series Knights of the Dinner Table. Bob (the gamer) loses his favorite character Knuckles the Dwarf, then whines, fusses, and complains so much about it that all the other players are ready to hang him themselves.
    I am a Christian but your comments are dead-bang on about these people; they are all pretty hopeless. A Jack Chick D & D might be worth the playing! For what it’s worth every time I joined a gaming group it promptly fell apart; don’t know what to make of that.

  6. As a practicing D&D player and occultist let me just say I am appalled, horrified and utterly disgusted with this “Dark Dungoons”. He has all the facts wrong, it makes me want to puke. EVERYONE who plays D&D knows that you don’t get to cast the spell that makes your dad buy you $200 worth of D&D books until 16th Level (AKA 4th Degree Satanic Catholic Pagan D&D Initiation).

    I think it would be awsome to make a “Jack T. Chick” Roleplaying Game. “Roll under 10 to avoid getting cast into the Lake of Fire!”. “Roll saving throw vs. Evil to convert the Homo!” In this game you dont get to cast spells, Jesus gets to cast you into the dungeon eternal torture and damnnation.

    Yes Jack, D&D is as real as your comics are.

    How come when people kill themselves over school or football or RELIGION no one ever tries to ban those?

  7. This was actually the first Chick Tract I encountered (not very surprising, since I’ve been roleplaying for years). First time I read it, I mistook it for satire. A few months later I came across one of the parodies of it. Curious, I decided I’d find the original. Boy was my face red.

    Anyway, let’s take a quick look at the first two panels.
    1 – The females outnumber the males
    2 – The playing area is neat and orderly
    3 – With 7 players (including GM) there are only 10 cans of drink visible (less than 2 each)
    4 – Only 3 of the players have anything that might possibly be a character sheet
    5 – The GM arbitrarily slaughters PCs, and people seem surprised
    6 – When a PC dies, other players stop acknowledging the player??????
    7 – A player gets upset about her character’s death. In a cc of D&D, where resurrection is rare, and for the really poor, reincarnation can be bought for two gold and a polished lump of granite.
    8 – Players refer to each other as “Dungeon Master”, “Wizard” and “the thief, Black Leaf”
    9 – Nobody rolls for anything. Not for spell effects, not for trap detection, not for dodging the trap, not for damage. Nothing.

    Logically, I can only assume that Mr. Chick has never played or watched a single session of any RPG in action, or read a single rulebook. The vague description he has apparently heard was (I’d guess) at least third or fourth hand.

    Given his complete lack of knowledge in this field, the entire remainder of this tract is rendered pointless, so I’ll stop here.

    PS It’s not one of the Jacksons, It’s Billy Dee Williams (Lando Calrissian)

  8. “A D&D “Hall of Shame”

    This provides us with a spiritual explanation of why the following tragic litany of evil keeps growing around players of Dungeons and Dragons. The psychological explanation buttresses this as well, for we now understand the D&D can readily be a form of mind-control which also uses real occult techniques to foster possession by evil spirits.

    The “Freeway Killer,” Vernon Butts, who committed suicide in his cell in 1987 while being held as a suspect in a string of murders was an avid D&D player.4
    D&D player (14 years old) commits suicide by hanging, 1979, name withheld by parents’ request.
    D&D player (17 years old) Michael Dempsey, Lynnwood, WA. suicide by gunshot wound to the head, 5/19/81. Witnesses saw him trying to summon up D&D demons just minutes before his death.
    D&D player (? years old) Steve Loyacano, Castle Rock, CO., suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning, 10/14/82. Police report satanic writings and a suicide note liked the death to D&D.
    D&D player (21 years old) Timothy Grice, Lafayette, CO., suicide by shotgun blast, 1/17/83. Detective reports noted, “D&D became a reality. He thought he was not constrained to this life, but could leave [it] and return because of the game.”
    D&D player (18 years old) Harold T. Collins, Marion, OH., suicide by hanging, 4/29/83. Collins was noted to be “possessed” by D&D as if he were living the game.
    D&D player (16 years old) Daniel Erwin, Lafayette, CO., murder by brother’s shotgun blast to head, 11/2/84 (right after Halloween). Death was apparently the result of a death pact as part of the game.
    D&D player (12 years old) Steve Erwin (see above) suicide by gunshot, 11/2/84. Detective report: “No doubt D&D cost them their lives.”5
    D&D player (no age given) Joseph Malin, Salt Lake City, UT., pled guilty to first degree murder 3/2/88 and was sentenced to life in prison. He killed a 13 years old girl while acting out the fantasy-role game. The girl had been raped, her throat cut, and she had been stabbed twice in the chest. Police said his “violent urges were fed by ‘extreme involvement in the fantasy role-playing game Dungeons and Dragons.’”6
    D&D player (14 years old) Sean Sellers was convicted of killing his parents and a convenience store clerk in Greeley, Oklahoma (1/11/87). He is the youngest inmate of death row in the country as of this writing (22 now). His involvement in hard-core Satanism began with D&D, according to his own testimony. Praise the Lord, he is now a Born Again Christian!7
    D&D player (14 years old) Tom Sullivan, Jr. got into Satanism and ended up stabbing his mother to death, arranging a ritual circle (from D&D) in the middle of the living room floor and lit a fire in its midst. Fortunately, his dad and little brother were awakened by a smoke detector; but by then, Tom, Jr. had slashed his wrists and throat with his Boy Scout knife and died in the snow in a neighbor’s yard.(1/19/88, Amarillo, TX.)”

    this is “holyer than thou” Jack’s scare tactic to keep peolpe from having a good time with friends comment you veiws on this

  9. Holy crap! Dungeons and Dragons gives you REAL super-powers?! Why did nobody ever tell me this before?! I need to go get some 20-sided dice… soon, the power of mind bondage shall be MINE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  10. The “D&D Hall of shame” speaks of several people who apparently practiced satanic rituals and killed others or themselves. It’s a set-up for the reader to conclude D&D was the reason for their “evil” behavior.

    Take one example, Sean Sellers, who was executed in 1999. If you research his story, you’ll find out he was physically abused, etc. by his parents as a very young child. D&D may have been a source of his satanic ideas, but it could equally have been The Wizard of Oz or Shakespeare. D&D contains romantic fantasy, with both good and evil, just like pretty much any form of entertainment in Western society.

  11. Dear author of this page,

    I think your comments are awesome and funny. However, please don’t take this as an example of real Christianity. I think God hates Jack Chick. Real Christianity is far more complicated, nuanced, and sensible (read Thomas Aquinas) than the situations or characters he sets up. I am Catholic, and we believe that God could have created evolution. Incidentally, as you probably know, Jack Chick hates Catholics and he thinks we will all burn in hell. I think it’s ridiculous to ignore science and say that the whole world was created in seven days. But I also believe that there are fundamental problems and questions about humanity and morality in general that can only be solved by some sort of religious faith. All I’m saying is that Jack Chick is an idiot, and I don’t want him associated with my religion.

    –marc

  12. sykodoughboy, your post is perfect to prove the point of the rest of the comments. Since millions (yes, MILLIONS) of people around the world play role-playing games, the short list provided by the “hall of shame” merely proves that it’s a microscopically small subset of those players who develop suicidal or homicidal tendencies. If it were possible to determine the actual number, I have no doubt we’d find that the percentage of RPG players who become dangerous is exactly the same as the percentage of people in general who become dangerous. I would be interested in finding out what percentage of those who are associated with a christ-based religion are “dangerous”. What would they say if the percentage were the same as those who play RPGs? Personally, I think we’d find the percentage from their ranks to be much higher.

  13. It’s almost imposible to fight versus satan with ugly, insane and weak mutations of the Christianity like your crazy american sects or even protestant or catholic, because they lost real Holy Spirit and turn Christianity in poor circus.
    I suggest all readers to learn more about eastern, orthodoxal christianity – converting there may prevent your children of becoming gay or islamic fanatic, like it usualy offens with western christian people, which religion is in big crisis now.
    If you think youre christian you MUST at least know major differences between orthodoxal christianity and your current church.
    If not then you’ll look like specialist in world car industry who never heard nothing about japan and german car.

    Have some time – learn it there for example:
    http://www.pravoslavie.ru/english/

  14. That comic seems far to the extreem XD i play D&D, and i played without even a healer on the team!

    I agree, that girl was about as unstable as anything if she’d go suicide from a charicter death, by weak charicter I think she could have easily meant personal charicter.

    The person who made that comic strip was kind of stupid, I’m glad to see that someone picked it apart, imagination should never be confused with real life.

  15. Spoonman, yeah it’s like listing the people that killed themselfs that also ate at McDonalds…conspiracy? I think so. But, how cool would it be if there was a McD’s cult? i would so join. HUMA-BIGAMACA-APEARA! Damn, not lvl 8 yet.

  16. to Douglas Byrd,
    yeah, wait… wasn’t that stupid lead girl a fuckin’ cleric? THAT’S A HEALER IN D&D!!! Not some-fucktard that dables in the occult, all I’m saying is that if she was going to start “becoming” her character in real life she would be a healer just like Jesus.

    P.S. on a side note i saw the funniest shirt the other day, i said in bold print “Jesus saves” and in smaller print below the picture it says “and only takes half damage” a little D&D and Jesus humor for ya.

  17. Um… Wow. I think I may have to go hide in my shell now. I am a Christian, and this sort of stuff makes me want to cry. I am also an avid fan of Harry Potter, Fantasy, Sci-fi in general, and other “Non-Christian” materials. Christianity does speak to issues of the occult, but not like this. Um… Please don’t lump us all in with that guy. I suppose he means well, but I can’t see what good he could be doing for anyone..

  18. Purring Turtle: No, Jack Chick doesn’t mean well. The man is batshit loco insane, and wants to impose a horrific dominionist form of Christianity on us, where we will all be subject to the arbitrary edicts of people who believe that witchcraft is real and invisible spirits really *do* make people commit evil acts. When you *want* people who are literally hallucinating in charge of everyone else, what does that say about you?

    Marc (and others who think like him): Yes, Jack Chick practices a very peculiar and horrific brand of Christianity. But don’t think anyone else is free of evil! Your professed faith, Catholicism, is no less full of the same ideas; they just haven’t been acted on in recent times. Catholicism *does* admit the existence of witchcraft, as does nearly every religion. One needs magical enemies to justify turning to a magical savior, no? Does the Inquisition ring any bells? Salem Witch Trials?

    These may be classified as temporary bouts of insanity, true, but it is mass insanity prompted by nonsensical ideas given by their holy book. There is no guarantee that similar incidents would not still have happened without the influence of Christianity – people are stupid enough by themselves. However, such acts of insanity are usually only possible when in the grip of an ideology that blatantly contradicts reality (and thus requires mental obedience to prevent people from reasoning themselves out of the group). Communism, anyone? A philosophy that has no ties to gods, true, but requires an equal mental devotion to an ideal with little connection to reality.

    Once you’ve denied your ability to reason, you open yourself up to anyone’s idiotic, foolish, and possibly deadly opinions, as long as they are phrased so that they are in line with the original, overriding belief. After all, against what can you judge them? What mental faculty will you use to weigh the pros and cons? Only ‘faith’ is available at that point, a literal and complete rejection of reason.

  19. Like a lot of the comments, and yeah, I avoid associating Chick with Christianity in general: He’s the sort of guy who’s easy to imagine as a schizophrenic nut in a weapon-filled basement he likes to imagine as a “bunker”.

    Note: I don’t remember where I heard it from, but there seems to be a negative correlation between D&D and suicide: It’s a very social game. If something goes wrong in your (real, of course) life, you’ve got a dozen people offering shoulders to cry on. I doubt Chick is even aware of the concept of sympathy and togetherness.

    Oh, and might as well plug my parody while I’m here.

  20. I have a vague feeling Mr. Chick is confused about the difference between Paper-based RP and LARPing. It seems he’s using Paper-based trappings in a LARP (Live-Action-Role-Play) setting. I could see some comments, “I think you’d better let Elfstar take care of things” “This is Elfstar” and such kind of statements making perfect sense in a LARP setting. Obviously, LARP is not for people who aren’t firmly grounded in reality. Clearly “Ms. Frost” is not one of these people.
    I agree with Douglas Byrd, it’s entirely possible that the “weak character” remark could make sense in a personal character sense, which would be true. If a character death pushed her over the edge, she was clearly hanging on tenuously at best.That suicide note raises the possibility that Marcie was suffering schizophrenic delusions, and felt that her character was a real part of her life. If this is the case, I’m truly sorry for her loss. Except for the part where this is fiction. And she’s a lame character, who I can’t feel sympathetic towards, despite being the Human Vibrator.
    Finally, Why is Debbie called “Wizard” in the first panel, and later called a cleric? Does this discrepancy bother anyone else? Not only is Chick a moron, he’s an inconsistent moron.

  21. I’ve played a LOT of D&D in my day, and was the DM for a campaign that lasted eight years (!). What’s more, and possibly worse, was that I started that campaign when I was already in my 30s, and most of the players were also adults (typically college-educated and employed).

    But wait, it gets better – we were all gay men. Grown gay men, meeting once a month to play D&D. If there was ever a breeding ground for demonic infestation, we were it.
    Number of suicides – zero. Number of inexplicable personality changes – zero. Number of screaming matches because Wizard A snagged the magic staff that Wizard B had been coveting – one. (and no, in this context, ‘magic staff’ is not a euphemism).

    We actually listened to the Dead Alewives’s recording before one game – it was very well received.

    I was also approached, while waiting for the train into the city for a game, by a neatly dressed, middle aged man in full God-bothering mode, who tried to hector me about reading ‘devilish’ books. I managed to be civil to him, but gosh, was he agressive.

    In conclusion, thanks for the skilled dissection.

  22. Jack Chick disgusts me – in him I see the combination of stupidity, ignorance, bind zealotry, bigotry and book-burning madness. This fascist gives religion a bad name.

  23. Golan2072 wrote:
    “Jack Chick disgusts me – in him I see the combination of stupidity, ignorance, bind zealotry, bigotry and book-burning madness. This fascist gives religion a bad name.”

    And there in lies the flaw. Religion already has a bad name, that name is “Jesus”.

  24. Witchcraft is real, it just doesn’t work like it’s shown in D&D/Harry Potter/Charmed/what-have-you. It’s not ‘wave a wand, and something happens’. It’s putting additional energy into your efforts using a ritual setting. The ritual trappings are all props anyway, to get one into the proper mindset. Ask any witch, they’ll confirm it.

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  26. Hey, thanks for visiting the Meat Beetles site and thnaks for putting us on to this one. We love it! Do you happen to have a dissection of the tract (can’t remember the title) in which the story takes place in the end-times? There is a great picture in it–Jack Chick’s masterpiece–of a motorcycle with a sidecar specially designed to hold a guillotine. Priceless stuff. And keep coming back to the Meat Beetles. We will be posting more of our deconstructionist sonic mayhem in the days and weeks ahead. Currently in the works: A tribute to Ann (The Man?) Coulter.

    http://meatbeetles.blogspot.com

  27. Haha, awesome. I haven’t, but I’ll keep an eye out for it.

    Glad you like the site.

    Thanks for coming, and I’ll definitely visit your place again.

  28. one thing didnt make sense to me… check out that part where the minister casts the spirits out of debbie in the name of jesus. dont make sense. cause if a catholic priest does the same thing (referred to as an exorcism), or if he confesses you, that bad according to chick (or any fundie, for that matter), since supposedly men dont have that kind of powers of god, even if they invoke jesus, but since it’s an evangelist, i guess it’s ok. just check out all the trippy evange-informercials that come out on tv right after regular programming ends. not only does it look disturbing, but id rather watch girls gone wild informercials.talk about double morality. also, check out how the pastor seems to fight temptation, thinking, “should i fondle her breasts, who knows, judging by their perkiness they might be full of demons” hawhawhaw

  29. Fundamentalist christians have no understanding of D&D.Chick says he researched this before he wrote the tract.MMore like research from christian materials(in other words all biased lies.THe Dungeon scare is over.Most rational people know that it’s just a game.Yet he is still using the same lies from the 80s.Chick should recieve a Darwin award.No reasonable woman would want to sleep with him,not that he’d agree.
    Oh,Chick and his fundamentalist pricks have gotta’ stop dealing with fake problems.THat also includes any problems they can’t prove,like god and the devil.If something actually compels you to buy his crap,he won’t spend it on some starving kids-he’ll use it make more crap to sell and convert peole who have no real problems
    There is another fundamentalist jack.Jack Thompson.He believes violent videogames causes murders and school shootings.Yet when confronted with proof htat a murderer was motivated by god-he simply says “The bible doesn’t tell people to kill,but Islam does”. Total idiot!!!Does “”thou shalt not suffer a witch to live” mean anything.What about killing false prophets,which basicly every biblical prophet was(Zechariah 13:3}.Killing all of Babylon (Jeremiah 50:21-22).Don’t foreget the famous “Abraham kill your son-your only son-yes issac whom you love so much and burn him”.Thompson is a true fuckard.To him these shootings are like “Forget the shooter was bullied (most likely by christians),forget it was so easy for him to get the guns,forget it’s possible to train with guns by using the guns themselves,what happened was he was playing a real fun game where its possible to train with guns”.
    Come on he,he never notes in his endless tirades that its possible to train without video games.He never notes that bullying got a shooter to that mentality.Its like the stupid girl in the tract-they will go mad with the game or not.Instead of fighting the most important causes of a shooting, he fights the way to train.His first murder trial involved a shooter who was called a faggot by his peers.His family had guns stockpiled lying around in easy places. Don’t forget the newest shooter Cho-Seung Hui.Don’t criticise me for making the point with this guy,I’m just 12.He had a hard time making friends,he was made fun of by the “rich kids” in his church group(yes his church group),he was able to get guns just by showing his citizenship,driver’s license,waiting between purchases and eBay.Don’t foget his dorm search yielded no videogames.He last played a game in high school.
    So aparently Jack is a fuckwad who would rather ban games than teach children tolerance of others,working on legislations limiting how many guns a person can own, and falsely deny the Bible tells people to kill.
    Well,essentialy I proved nothing except that Jack Thompson is a fuckwad,bigotrous to Ilam,doesn’t know that that killing in Christianity and IIIslam is essentialy the same,except more killing should be done for christianity,doesn’t know that the Musloms that kill are just fundamentalist radicals that actually have the balls to enact true fundamentalism-unlike both Jacks’ “Christian Fundamentalism”,video games play a very small role in incitement to murder compared to being be bullied and that it is easy to own guns, oh and jack’s a moron.
    On to Jack CHICK, he is as much as a fuckwad as Jack tHompson

  30. one thing i did notice about the tract. look at the guy that claims he’s been “fasting” for debbie and look at the next block. doe he look like somebody that’s been fasting? i sure dont. gandhi, now HE fasted and always looked frail. that guy looks like he lives next to a red lobster. and then look at him. he looks like a jock, and since d&d enthisiasts are often considered nerds and geeks, is this implying that jocks are good kids cause the dont play with demons? HAWHAWHAW

  31. Marcie should have used a resurrection spell. I played in college and when my character got killed off because of a stupid fellow-player (set the forest on fire….while we were in it) I simply had the cleric do a resurrection spell. I don’t think we even had the “money” but our DM fudged it. It’s…a…game.

    I might add that I was suicidally depressed that year. Suicidally. (though not the next year, when I still played D&D, it had more to do with my mom being about to die) And I didn’t react like Marcie. I shrugged it off until the next game…besides yelling at the wizard to stop fireballing trees.

    :-p

  32. I can’t belive this tract. This insults not only D&D players, but all players of RPGS, tabletop and otherwise. OOOO, I play Elder Scrolls! That must mean I’m going to polymorph into a Khajiit thief and start stealing things and turning into a werewolf!

    Give me a break!

  33. I recall an earlier version of this tract where the panel of the Alex Trebek wannabe talking about gathering up all the occult items came with an * that also suggested that the works of JRR Tolkien and CS Lewis should also be gathered up for the burning (see that little white space at the bottom of the panel that now reads “1 John 4:4 and John 8:36″? Notice that there seems to have been a lot more space than was needed for such a short line of text. That’s where the original crapola was placed).

  34. Isn’t burning all the DnD material instead of selling it or donating it more paganism like or ritualistic? Now we know the truth of Jack chick. he isn’t a Christian, but a demon possesed Pagan

  35. Funny.It was an example what christian fides could do on peoples mind.But I think it was only the work of an exibitionist.Nice graphics,however.

  36. Being a Christian, I found some of the comments insulting, but for the most part I agree. Dungeons and Dragons will not make you kill yourself. As you pointed out, mental instability will. The most funny part of this, in my opinion, is the anti-rock music idea. There actually is Christian rock, if Chick didn’t know. And I still don’t understand how that has anything to do with Dungeons and Dragons.

    I think I once found another comic by this guy. The comic had been left on a chair at Pizza Hut and said that all gay people are going to Hell. It gave me a good laugh before I threw it away.

  37. I am a christian and I think people that think D&D and video game are evil are a bit over the top.

    I play Magic. And people think that is evil.

    A friend that plays D&D would think getting into a coven would “interfere with his D&D time”

    I mean really. D&D isn’t a cult it’s a game, and people sometimes take any game to far. Like WOW, some people get too into it. It takes a certain type of person to get that messed up in the head. Which even without a game some people would turn into serial killers.

    If D&D makes you a spell casting witch, then GTA makes you run over pedestrians. Which I haven’t yet, and I played lots of GTA.

  38. That last page of the tract is proof of how biblethumpers solve their problems with society: they think the only solution to a problem (in this case D&D) is to destroy it.

  39. It is because of people like Jack Chick and most closed minded people, not necessarily Christians, that give Christianity, or any other religion for that matter a bad name. I have known plenty of Christians that play various RPG’s and listen to rock music and still are secure in their faith.

    I myself have been playing D&D for over 20 years, and not once did I think that i could cast a spell from the game, or make me want to kill myself when a character died.

    If anything these games help people with math, social interaction, the importance of being a team player, and it also helps develop their imagination.

    Me personally I would rather have my kids sitting around a table playing a game, than say…going out and doing drugs, drinking beer. I don’t know maybe it is me.

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  41. When I first read a Chick tract, I laughed. I mean, who could really be that thoroughly ignorant? But then I realised that it wasn’t funnt.I actually found it profoundly scary, that any person could hold those beliefs. I do not think he, or any fundamentalist, should be laughed at (Although it is a hell of a lot of fun to do so), I think they should be pitied. This is because they will never see, or experience, the world as it is, in all its splendour, or actually have any knowledge of worth at all.
    Also, almost the entire set of so called “Christian” fundamentalist beliefs have ABSOLUTELY BUGGER ALL TO DO WITH CHRISTIANITY!!!! They are about as much in keeping as “Loving thy neighbour” as the Inquisition. So, lets get belief smashing!! (Note- this is a spur of the moment sort of thing, ispired by the virulent hatred that I feel against extremism of all kinds, so is likely to ramble a bit. I am not anti religion – I am an agnostic – I just hate people taking ideals this far:Nazism, Communism, fanatacism…the list goes on…) Note: I am English (Actually Quarter Scottish, an Eigth Irish, and five eigths english, but you know what I mean), so spellings will be the (proper) English ones.
    The Old Testament, very much a “Smity” (Smitie?…anyhoo, some adverb originating from smite) book, is relied upon heavily, allowing these people to talk about death, destruction, hell(well, not exactly – more on that later) etc. to their hearts content, while ignoring the far more passive, and in theory, relevant, texts of the New Testament. The whole point of the New Testament is to succeed, and replace, the Old Testament. Afterall, the Old Testament is simply a history of a people, containing justifications for certain acts that were, quite frankly, unjustifiable.
    In fact, Chick, and all fundamentalists, completely roll over all of Jesus’ “Love thy neighbour” teachings, in effect making them follow a code of laws and teachings established to govern over a fractured nomadic society, and not a settled, farming, metropolitan society, as we live in today (No offence to Jews at all – seriously, every religion in the world can be traced back to this sort of beginning. For example, Christianity started as a way for a subjugated people to live good lives, and then became a method of control once Rome became involved…AAANYWAY….), and as such, are not Christians, for is not Jesus God, and is not the word of God law to these people??
    They also pick and choose laws in he bible to suit their twisted beleifs. Take, once more, “Love thy neighbour as you love yourself” (Sorry, but I am in the middle of revising for an RE GCSE, and am sick to death of quotes from the bible. In fact this is quite good practice). This quotation implies an absolute unswerving unconditional love, or at least a healthy respect, for all. However, not for the Fundies. The take it as “Love thy neighbour, but not if he is a scientist, gay, believes in evolution, the big bang, science, other life in the universe, plays D+D, is a Jew, a Muslim, a Catholic, a Hindu, a Sikh, a Buddhist, or anyother religion, reads Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or anyother fantasy book, or is not a complete paranoid, sociopathic, vitriolic, credulous, rank tuft of rectal pubic hair like yourself.” And even then, they ignore Jesus – he says that you must love your enemies (Yet again, I can’t be bothered to quote), yet these people reserve a special kind of hatred for these people. And yet, when , in the Old Testament, God says that being gay is wrong,(A rule invented so that the tribe would not collapse internally through a lack of children) they take it as absolutely immoveable.
    Finally, because it is getting late, they make hell seem like a central part of the Christian Faith. It is not – it was invented during the middle ages or dark ages after Christian Missionaries say the burning refuse outside of Jerusalem, and the Church saw it as another method of control. Even then, they bypass the New Testament. No, wait, the make Jesus seem IRRELEVANT!!!!!!!!
    Jesus came down to Earth in order that man should be cuured of his sins, and let into heaven. He did not come to say “Haha! Fools! Repent or ye will burn!!!”. He came to give a second chance,an idea inherent in the earlier sections of the New Testament. Going to hell for playing a board game is not a second chance. Not by a long shot, Mr Chick. The idea is that you will go to heaven if you are genuinely sorry for your sins, not if you turn to God as late as possible. Much of the waffle surrounding hell and judgement day originates from, once again, after Jesus’ time, and is all to do with control. What better way to rob people blind with indulgences and collections that telling them they will go to hell if they don’t pay, or to make them pay to have their sins forgiven.

    Now I can’t be arsed to finish this, but, as you can hopefully see, the whle set of fundamentalist beliefs is wrong and corrupted, as any reasonable person can see. Hell, I’m 15, imagine what a 50 year old professor or doctor of Philosophy and theology could do!!!

    Until the next rant,
    Almighty Jimbob

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  43. The sad part is that I’m old enough to remember when this came out. I was playing DnD when I was 10 years old (surprising when you consider that the books were written for college students). I and my family were also a practicing Catholics. After my stupid parents read this Chick comic that my stupid grandparents gave them, I spent a lot of time trying to explain the game and why I liked it. In fact, I think it took years before my parents would come around and I don’t think my grandparents ever did.

    So, I have to say the Chick comics do a lot of real damage. It’s hateful propaganda that has little to no basis in fact and it’s designed to make a certain segment of society feel superior to everyone and everything that they don’t understand.

    PS: I’m sure TSR was very happy when church groups bought hundreds of dollars of books just to burn. Probably kept them out of bankruptcy for years.

  44. Awesome review. =D
    I am a Wiccan, and active rpg player. And yet I pity Jack Chick.
    Poor thing’s mind is too full of idiocy and false data that he can’t even research topics, use common sense, or for that matter even think like a human being.

    I am totally playing D&D tomorrow… maybe I will get the ‘real’ power to knock some sense into this pathetic example of man kind!

    Hehe, but the horrible art did make me giggle quite a bit. <3

  45. Good work, I love what you are doing; John Chick really needs a brain in his head. I think I will play Pokemon Diamond.

  46. Next week on Jack Chick’s comics:

    Little Timmy always took a dump when his evil digestive system told him to, but Lil’ Susy shows him only Jesus can get rid of the crap inside you.

  47. yep, all people listen to satanic rock music like Creed, those who don’t listen to Underoath, others listen to Flyleaf, others listen to Stryper, what about black metal, satan music like Horde?

  48. I sympathize with jack. I really do. When you believe in magic and spirits and such, and a there is a game with a heavy dose of such content, id go nuts too. But then again, i think the real problem is the jack mentality, which is probably the mental disease poor little debbie suffers from. These people just aren’t exposed enough to the world to know whats real and whats not. They’ve lived they’re life in a shell, either self made or outwardly imposed. Such people just cannot handle the difficulties of life without going to extreme measures.

  49. A fascinating chain of events. Consider…

    Debbie starts playing DnD. Mike follows up by praying and not eating.

    Marcie commits suicide, triggering Debbie to seek out Mike.

    If Marcie had not died, Debbie would continue playing DnD.

    THEREFORE…Mike murdered innocent Marcie.

    Wait does Jack actually use this killer as a good example?

  50. I and my family were also a practicing Catholics. After my stupid parents read this Chick comic that my stupid grandparents gave them, I spent a lot of time trying to explain the game and why I liked it. In fact, I think it took years before my parents would come around and I don’t think my grandparents ever did.

    Well I notice you say they’re Catholics. Easy way to convince a Catholic not to take Jack Chick seriously: Point out what things Jack Chick claims about Catholicism, namely:
    1) All Catholics are going to hell.
    2) The Vatican has a big computer that has the name of every Protestant church member in the world, which they’ll use at some future point to track them down and persecute them.
    3) The pope is the Antichrist.

  51. Oh wow… see, people like that freak give the rest of Christians a bad name. I’m a Christian, I’ll even admit I’m a devout, fundamentalist Christian, but I’ve got a brain, too. And I can see quite easily that rolling chunks of plastic and scribbling things down on pieces of paper will *not* force you head over heels into the occult where, of course, you will learn to cast magical spells and go to Hell, yadda yadda yadda. And you know what? Some people even have FIGURINES, and they- wait for it- LIVE NORMAL LIVES!

    Sorry, but people like this make me furious. Why do people consider Christians (fundamentalist ones, especially) close-minded and foolish? Because of idiots like Chick who only want to scream their views without considering the obvious. I don’t play D&D, but I have absolutely nothing against it. Sure, we can argue over whether or not a Christian should play a game with deities, blah blah blah. But the fundamental game is not evil and will not drag you down to Hell. Good grief!

  52. WOW, I just spent 30 minutes laughing at every panel and comment on this whole page. I’m also a Christian who plays D&D and enjoys it very much. The meeting I go to consist of:

    1. Me and my closest friends sitting around a table in my basment.
    2. We constantly laugh and make fun of the game as well as each other.
    3. We eat pizzas from Wal-Mart.
    4. We drink sweat tea.
    5. We have fun.
    7. We leave.

    Never once has any occult anything happened.
    My character is a Dwarven cleric who, through manipulation and plotting, has actually become the main villain of the party I’m in they just don’t know it yet and is planning on starting a world war to use the confusion to become hextor’s avatar. According to this nut job who hates D&D because he never had any friends to play with, I’m long over due to blow my friends away with a shoot gun and go die in the snow.

  53. This is biggest load of bullshit I have ever seen. Thats just great you dont like it and think its the devils work. So Is cars food love and every thing in the damn world. most of all the internet from alot of culters. So if your going to start off on the devils work maybe you should go with them all. I dont know what kind of games you seen of D&D but my fucking god I play every friday night with my buddies in the military we die offten but what the fuck we just get another sheet and make another. Not go off and hang our selves like people did way back in the 80′s. Its the 21st century, people have gotten over it so get off your soap box and quit giveing relidgion and someone elses from of entertainment a bad name. and waste your damn time on somthing else like helping the needy reather then doom say things becuse it has the words magic and myhtical things. whats next tell us all that free thinking is the path to sin oh wait you all already do. Take you god damned book and shove it up your ass. Now find something that really needs your attention like maybe ending doom saying upon others choice in religion and beliefs and look past the things that are ‘evil’ to you. oh wait that’s blood impossible because you doomed every thing that is not what your book tells you to do or you miss evaluate things that are different or confusing to you. so if you don’t mind shut your damn mouth and grow up move on then maybe think for a damned second about the world today rather then 19-20 years ago.

  54. Jack Chick is obviously the Anti-Christ. He is atempting to turn the world agianst chistianity. With any luck, it will have a similar effect to attacking the darkness.

  55. Okay, that does it. First of all, I’m a pagan. Second of all, I used to play D&D. And Shadowrun. And Champions Hero System. And GURPS. And Gammaworld (remember that great one?), and a crap ton of other RPGs. Am I evil? Well, it’s possible I suppose. I can’t really judge myself, lest I become arrogant and self-righteous, which is in and of itself, evil.

    But I can say that I have a higher than average IQ (169) and I did find RPGs to be mentally stimulating and challenging to a point – eventually I had to become a GM just so I could work and interact with even more plots, ideas, storylines, etc…to keep my mind sharp and active.

    But this? This settles it. I’m going to start playing D&D on Sundays, just to piss off the extremist Christians. I’ll even say it’s my “church time” to really get their goat.

    Anyone who doesn’t like it? Well, I AM a pagan…so that means I know all those evil spells – they best back the hell off.

    Cheers,
    Ghost|BOFH

  56. Heh, I’m a Christian that used to love D&D, and I found this humerous and dumb.

    I’ll first start by saying, yes, there are occultic characteristics to D&D and similar games, for that I caution people, know yourself, don’t play something that is going to cause you to sin.

    Beyond that, D&D is a fun game, it is only as involving as you let it be. Most people are fully capable of separating fiction from fact and would never join an occult just because they were playing a game. My college group at church used to play D&D and MTG every week after our Bible Study, it was a fun time. There is nothing wrong with it.

    Some people are overly paranoid though.

    Being a Christian means denying yourself and living for Jesus, who died for the sole purpose of freeing you from sin, because of His death on the cross, God calls you righteous and forgets all your sins if you believe and follow Him.

    But that doesn’t mean you can’t play games. By the way, I’m heavily active in church, and World of Warcraft, and I like Harry Potter even though I read my Bible nearly every day.

    Not all “Bible-thumpers” are the same.

  57. I find this personally amusing because I probably fully comprehended all the rules of D and D at a relatively early age (around 7) and it dramatically improved my math skills with the probability of rolling 3d6, as well as my vocabulary. Those D and D spells continue to show up on vocab quizzes! (I’m 12) Enervate, celerity, etc…

  58. You’re totally right about how the whole anti-D&D thing is absolute crap…

    However, I continuously felt a religious bashing and generally going too far with the attack.

    There is a fine line between radicals and non-radicals of all religions.

    And innocent catholics/christians are sitting in their rooms watching TV, or outside playing sports, or playing D&D, and even studying witchcraft possibly out of curiosity relating to the afterlife?

    It irritates the living heck out of me how often non-radicals are victimized by their severely different radical dastard cousins.

    Hey, here’s something the media probably didn’t let you in on, but as a non-radical catholic, we don’t believe many things can get you into hell. In fact, we believe the only way to get a spot in hell is to literally start doing shit with the INTENTION of betraying god. Intention! It is completely impossible for someone else to convict you to hell because it’s completely impossible for them to tell your’ intent! And yes, this is what they teach us.

    No being gay will not get you into hell. e.e
    No D&D will not get you into hell. e.e
    No breaking the commandments will not get you into hell.
    …And no, realizing that God will not stop someone from editing the bible, or that the bible is written in an imperfect language, will not get you into hell. Nor will not believing in it.

    If that isn’t fair enough I don’t know what is. It’s what I’m taught, by my church.

    :| You know who really deserves your’ rants? Radicals. Not specific religious radicals, but all religious radicals. They’re all generally bad in some way.

    Start noticing the very obvious differences between radicals and non radicals. The line is very clear and very easy to see. There’s no excuse.

  59. I have never heard of Jack Chick before, and I think I am glad of it. I have only one thing to add, and it is a proven statistic. On average, 38% of people do not know enough about any given topic to have an informed opinion. That’s right, 38% of people are not entitled to their own opinion. I think Jack Chick is one of those people.

  60. It’s idiots like this Chick guy who made my mom think I was going to start worshiping Satan when I started collecting daggers. And probably why she wouldn’t let me play D&D when I was in high school.

    On a sadder note though, it’s this sort of mentality that has nearly destroyed the church, and has killed a lot of people in the process. Because this mindset is the same one as those who claim that those with depression and other mental illnesses will be healed if they “just pray hard enough.” They ignore the medicine, and basically tell people that “good Christians don’t get depressed.”

    This mentality has kept people from getting much needed medical help for years. It nearly kept my mom from getting help until it was almost too late. People end up committing suicide, because they never got the psychological help they needed.

    If Marcie had been a “Jack Chick” Christian instead of a D&D player, she probably still would have committed suicide, because he would have told her to pray until she wasn’t depressed anymore. It’s like telling someone with cancer that they won’t die if they pray hard enough. I believe in miraculous healing, but I wouldn’t tell someone to not go to the doctor too.

  61. High Five! for this wonderful tear down of this serious bulls***. I have played D&D for many years and as far as i know the only harm that can come from it would be to shout “Magic Missile!” in public. (You get some serious looks.) If Jack thinks D&D is this bad i wonder how he view’s Warhammer?

  62. Actually I recall when and why this hysteria started.
    Wichita KS, circa 1980.
    Kid died, cause: suicide, cause: feeling rejected, cause: character killed off in D&D.
    It was almost cute the way the local newspaper did the stats, only if you did the math would you be able to tell that the D&D crowd had less suicides by a factor of about 4. The newspaper did this because they were trying to be sensitive to the mother, INHO
    Anyway, that was when the warpath started for D&D.
    It may have been that the whole thing with other fantasy would have been done anyway,
    My daughter went to a Christian school, had a friend whose father was anti-fantasy, anti-imagination. I felt that he was killing off a beautiful part of his daughter. We lost contact, so maybe her story is to rebell against that.

  63. ended up stumbling upon this, was very amusing and enjoyable read, i would have to agree with a couple comments above though, even as a long time d&d, warhammer, larp, and soon shadowrun player, and agnostic, there is a huge difference between people who believe and follow a religion, and those who spout it in your face and are otherwise blinded by it. and that cristianity isn’t the only religion that does it, just the one that has the highest population and therefore the one most often bashed for it’s “radicals”. definately agree that chick as an individual isn’t very intelligent though, it takes a truely unintelligent person to make a comic or story without doing the least bit of research at all and he obviously didn’t.
    and @zealibib if i did i wouldn’t give it to you, he’ll probably hurt himself before you could use it anyways, that or some random guy walking the street who asked him unknowingly if he wanted to play a game, on second thought here you go. *hands over +5 VORPAL sword of chick slaying*
    I DID NOT JUST GIVE OVER A SWORD AND DO NOT CONDONE MURDER

    lol =-p

  64. Hmm, I do believe that Chick tried to make a swipe at the Wiccan Rede, which states that they can do what they want, so long as they don’t harm themselves or others. Chick’s probably thinking “Ha! SEE! Evil Wiccan Pagan Witch Demon Harpies don’t *really* care about that! Blah, blah, blah!”

    Bull, I say. XP

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  66. Has anyone ever considered trying to find Jack Dick’s address?Then tell all the Neopagans,Atheist,Catholics(who are probably the most pissed of them all.),etc and supply them with baseball bats.I can imagine the headlines.

    CREEPY RELIGIOUS ASSHOLE SUFFERS CONCUSSION AFTER SERIOUSLY PISSED PEOPLE FIND OUT HIS ADDRESS.

  67. I realize that these posts are really old (and I can see that the site doesn’t get updated much these days), but I only just discovered them, and DAMN they’re hilarious! I remember being given these tracts by well-meaning, but clueless, relatives and friends when I was a kid 30 years ago. I read them, and then immediately forgot them–and I was a Christian! I guess subconsciously, I wasn’t impressed by the shitty drawings and childish messages contained in these tracts.

    Sadly, a lot of people do take them seriously, generally Fundies who believe the most amazingly stupid things. It’s kind of depressing to think that anyone, even a Fundy with oatmeal for brains, could actually take a Jack Chick cartoon seriously, though. I sometimes wonder if Jack, himself, actually believes the shit he writes about, or if he is simply trying to push the buttons of atheists and nonbelievers everywhere. If so, then that makes him the greatest troll the world has ever known, starting from before the Internet was even invented! I feel like giving the guy some kind of medal now, maybe one with Fang the Dog engraved on it. That’s the only cool character in the entire series of tracts.

  68. It’s so refreshing to be able to read a review on a Chick tract from an objective and logical viewpoint, apart from the insanity of blind Fundamentalist Christian teachings. I refuse to believe that my life here on Earth has no importance, nor that I am some insignificant mistake of a sinner on a planet which will be judged upon anyways. I have had the odd blessing of having been Born-Again when I was 15 (I am now 34) and having had a few days after my conversion experience witnessing the extreme emotional attachments to just how much of a sinner I was, with such teenage issues like masturbation and engaging in Stephen King novels. If anyone should be judged on this planet for wrongdoings, it should be the religious leaders who claim to have the answers and deceive those who are younger and perhaps fragile and need to learn the natural lessons of life without chains attached to previous created beliefs and ideologies. I believe that most converted people who have other issues (I, myself, have drug addiction problems) would not have such issues had they not been converted and then tried to escape only finding later that it was too late to escape. All I want to say is that, for the broken and downhearted people, both young and old, who feel that life and God have betrayed them, hang on: your time of redemption is coming.

  69. OK, I had my suspicions, but this confirms it,
    When Jack is not using shitty logic or quoting the bible, he is showing us what brainwashed him by ripping shit off badly.
    This comic is a rip off of those werird anti-D&D movies in the 80s, like that one with Tom Hank, and the other with the stupid pycho-fuck who killed his D&D character by making it jump in a spiked pit, and then went in a real life (in movie) cave and jumped in a deep hole.
    And his description in It’s Coming of the flood waters, the earth breaking apart, and the layers of sediment hiding bones and stuff was ripped word for word from this Noah’s Ark documentary I watched all the time as a kid.

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